(no subject)
Since Adam proposed, I've been worried about deciding who was going to walk me down the isle... my mom or dad... and I knew I would pick my mom, but I dreaded the day I would have to tell my dad or when he would find out... I knew it would be hard... but now that he knows, it's worse than I thought. For those of you who don't know about the situation (which is like everyone), my parents divorced when I was in 4th grade. My dad is what you would call a "deadbeat" I guess (harsh, I know). He owes my mom like $1million in alimony and over $40,000 in back child support that he never ever paid. After the divorce we had a really really hard time even managing to have a roof over our heads (thank God for our aunts & uncles). The only time my dad would call would be either his birthday or a holiday. And everytime it did, it would end up into a guilt trip with him making us feel bad about his screw ups. Sometimes he would show up drunk and that would just make things worse. So we don't talk to him on the phone anymore, and we only ever see him on Christmas. I've always been the daughter to give him the benefit of the doubt and tries to be nice when my sisters say they don't want him to even come over for Christmas at all I get mad at them. Even when he came over one day when my mom wasn't home but me & Carolyn were and he started snooping around my mom's stuff and stole a bunch of her checkbooks and forged checks all over central Florida. I told my mom, she called the police... it was so sad giving a statement to the police about my dad. (he then later got mad at me for telling my mom I saw him going through her stuff). So when my dad called the other day, my mom answered the phone but said my sisters and I were at yoga (I was home, my sisters at the mall). I told her to get his address for the wedding invitation, so she did and he asked if I wanted him to walk me down the isle. I had decided my mom would, so she told him she was and he responded, "Why do they hate me??? They never want to talk to me or see me or do anything with me why do they hate me?" (The typical transfer of blame). When my mom told me that it made me cry. No matter how much my dad screwed up his own life and me & my mom & sisters, I don't hate him at all, and it makes me sad to think that he thinks we do. So now I don't know what to do. Should I have him walk me down the isle because I don't want him to think I hate him? Or should I stick with my mom because she is my best friend and the one who raised me? The thing with my dad... which is embarassing to even tell people... is that a couple years ago he had a drug problem. He supposedly went to rehab, so I'm hoping that's a thing of the past, but he still is an alcoholic. So I have no way of knowing what kind of condition he will show up to my wedding in. Part of me is optimistic and thinks that maybe just maybe he's cleaned up his act, but the other half of me knows better. I don't know what to do, and I know this entry is probably making you all think my family is absolutely insane, but oh well.