dogs! and my brother
So my dog died last Monday...
My mom was really REALLY sad, especially because the day before,
Sunday, had been the anniversary of her little sister's death, so she
was already depressed and this just added to it. My mom was pretty much
infatuated with Baby (the dog), and I think she liked him more than she
liked me. I was really depressed too because I used to not like him
that much since he was big and smelly, which made me feel worse since I
feel like I took him for granted. We just found him dead one morning,
he was only 9 (63 in dog years!), it was really weird to see him
dead...
On that topic though- my parents woudlnt' let me get a new puppy because they were "grieving"...but this family we know had gotten a beagle puppy for $800 and $200 of toys for it for their kids for Christmas, and had it for like 3 days and then decided they didn't want it anymore...so Sandy, Scott's mom, took my mom out to lunch today and surprised my mom with the puppy! They gave it to us for free because they didn't want it anymore, we didn't even have to pay since they were gonna just return her and couldn't even get a refund. She is SO incredibly cute, she's a smaller breed of beagle so she'll be 20 lbs or smaller, she's brown and black with white socks, a white tip on her tail, and a white diamond on her neck. My parents wanted to name her Snoopy, yuck! I told them we needed to name it something girly, so I picked "Daisy" and they like it. So my new puppy's name is Daisy and I love her! And tomorrow I'm gonna go get her a coach collar and tons of small little puppy stuff and I can't wait! YAY!
On another note...I love my brother SO much but I'm sick of him hurting me by hurting himself. I'm not gonna say what's been happening, since my close friends already know and it's not the sort of stuff that I want everyone to see, but I'll just say that I picture 25 years from now, I'm gonna be a Doctor and I'll just have my "loser pothead brother" who works a minimum wage job and had 3 divorces and never accomplished anything...I hate to say that about him because I love him so incredibly much but I can't deal with this anymore, I can't try to be his parent. If he won't admit he has a problem then there's nothing I can do. I hate being helpless, it's so painful...and my heart just goes out to him because I see everything he's going through and it hurts me SO badly. We used to be so close and now he just loathes me for trying to help him. He just pushed me away and I just cry and cry and tell him how I wish we could be close and how I just want to help him and all he says is "FUCK YOU, katrina, FUCK YOU. I don't need you or anybody else and I don't have a FUCKING problem and I can do whatever the FUCK I want since I'm 20 and if you try to stop me i'll just throw you through that window." or something along these lines... Last night I was up till 2 am even though I had to get up early for work, because I found him in his room with someone he shouldn't have over...He said if I woke up my parents he'd leave and we'd never see him again because he "doesn't need us" but I didnt' care, I woke them up anyways. It was painful. I hate causing him pain but I just can't win, and they don't do it right...they never do it right and they just trust him and love him and don't question his actions and don't recognize his lies. They can't be his parents and I'm sick of doing it. It just hurts so badly.
On that topic though- my parents woudlnt' let me get a new puppy because they were "grieving"...but this family we know had gotten a beagle puppy for $800 and $200 of toys for it for their kids for Christmas, and had it for like 3 days and then decided they didn't want it anymore...so Sandy, Scott's mom, took my mom out to lunch today and surprised my mom with the puppy! They gave it to us for free because they didn't want it anymore, we didn't even have to pay since they were gonna just return her and couldn't even get a refund. She is SO incredibly cute, she's a smaller breed of beagle so she'll be 20 lbs or smaller, she's brown and black with white socks, a white tip on her tail, and a white diamond on her neck. My parents wanted to name her Snoopy, yuck! I told them we needed to name it something girly, so I picked "Daisy" and they like it. So my new puppy's name is Daisy and I love her! And tomorrow I'm gonna go get her a coach collar and tons of small little puppy stuff and I can't wait! YAY!
On another note...I love my brother SO much but I'm sick of him hurting me by hurting himself. I'm not gonna say what's been happening, since my close friends already know and it's not the sort of stuff that I want everyone to see, but I'll just say that I picture 25 years from now, I'm gonna be a Doctor and I'll just have my "loser pothead brother" who works a minimum wage job and had 3 divorces and never accomplished anything...I hate to say that about him because I love him so incredibly much but I can't deal with this anymore, I can't try to be his parent. If he won't admit he has a problem then there's nothing I can do. I hate being helpless, it's so painful...and my heart just goes out to him because I see everything he's going through and it hurts me SO badly. We used to be so close and now he just loathes me for trying to help him. He just pushed me away and I just cry and cry and tell him how I wish we could be close and how I just want to help him and all he says is "FUCK YOU, katrina, FUCK YOU. I don't need you or anybody else and I don't have a FUCKING problem and I can do whatever the FUCK I want since I'm 20 and if you try to stop me i'll just throw you through that window." or something along these lines... Last night I was up till 2 am even though I had to get up early for work, because I found him in his room with someone he shouldn't have over...He said if I woke up my parents he'd leave and we'd never see him again because he "doesn't need us" but I didnt' care, I woke them up anyways. It was painful. I hate causing him pain but I just can't win, and they don't do it right...they never do it right and they just trust him and love him and don't question his actions and don't recognize his lies. They can't be his parents and I'm sick of doing it. It just hurts so badly.