Haircut (unfinished)
Title: Haircut
Genre: Harry Potter, Marauders-Era
Rating: PG14
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Summary: Remus has always been able to read Sirius’s emotions by the way he wears his hair, even though no one else seems to ever notice. But when Sirius randomly starts wearing his hair long again, Remus has no idea why he’s upset.
---
Black. His hair is as black as his name, and Sirius knows this is the one thing he can never erase about his family’s claim on him. Somehow, the color of his hair affects him more then the thought of the blood in his veins or the genes within his cells.
But, regardless of how depressed his hair can make him, Remus has always noted that Sirius’s hair always shows his moods. Sometimes, his hair is even more truthful then his face.
When they first met Sirius, Remus was amazed at such long jet-black hair he had: hair all the way down to his waist. He tended to wear it like a veil, hiding his face and eyes in hair like liquid shadow. But, of course, James would have none of that. James always used Sirius’s long hair like a leash, pulling on it to get the boy’s attention, yanking on it to get him to follow; really, it was no wonder why Sirius’s Animagus form turned out to be a dog.
---
After the first month of first year, Sirius started to smile more. He also wore his hair pulled back in a tie, sometimes letting a few of the giggling girls braid it for him in jest.
When they came back from the Hols, Sirius mentioned offhandedly that he wanted a haircut.
He still doesn’t quite understand why this comment was met with disbelief and laughter.
Or why when he came back late one night with hair trimmed to his shoulders, they all stared at him for ages.
He kept it short for awhile after that. He would only laugh if someone asked him why.
Remus noticed that if he was feeling particularly happy that day, Sirius would still tie his hair back away from his face.
---
It was late into third year when Remus had to pause at something Peter had said.
“When’s your next haircut, Sirius? Your hair’s getting a bit wild at the edges again.” Peter mentioned, gesturing at Sirius’s hair that was creeping down his upper back now.
Sirius grinned, but it didn’t meet his eyes, and replied, “I think I’ll let it grow out a bit. Then it’ll be just as wild as me.”
James snorted. “You just want to steal by crazy wild hair. You know the birds love it.”
Remus watched the play-fight between them and wondered why it seemed like Sirius wasn’t putting his heart into it tonight. The werewolf shrugged mentally and went back to reading his book. Sirius probably was just lamenting his recent breakup with that girl, whasherface.
---
Sirius didn’t cut his hair for all of fourth year.
He would only laugh if you asked about it, but the laugh always seemed slightly hollow.
The second-in-command of the Marauders seemed to withdraw as times, using his hair as a shield against the rest of the world.
His smiles seemed less real.
His laughter came less and less.
Sometimes it even took James beaning the boy upside the head to get his attention.
Remus started to worry, but the others didn’t seem to warrant Sirius’s long hair anything to worry about. They snorted and laughed when Remus brought it up, and after that the werewolf kept his thoughts to himself.
---
When Sirius turned up on James’s doorstep one afternoon in the summer that year, his jet-black hair was nearly down to his waist.
It didn’t surprise Remus when Sirius decided to cut his hair short after the Potters accepted him as if he was their own.
Sirius seemed confused when Remus’s letter contained a few hair ties, but he laughed a real laugh for the first time in a long time.
---
After the Prank, even though Remus had forgiven him, Sirius had begun to let his hair grow again.
“Sirius,” Remus began.
“Yessir, Messer Moony?” Sirius teased, with a grin.
“Why haven’t you cut your hair?” Remus wasn’t known for his tact.
Sirius’s grin faded slightly, then returned but it didn’t reach his eyes anymore. “Why? You like my luscious, lovely, long hair?” Grey eyes winked teasingly.
Remus just frowned, “What are you upset about this time?”
Sirius gave him a sharp look-which dissolved when the Black boy seemed to remember just who he was glaring at. Making a face at the dorm’s carpet, Sirius hesitated before replying, “I’m not upset about anything. There’s nothing bothering me. Just leave it, alright Moony?”
The werewolf shifted on the trunk where he was perched, book still in hand, “I don’t believe you.” He said flatly.
The dog animagus looked sheepish for a moment before forcefully frowning at Remus. “Just leave it alone. I’m fine.”
Remus knit his brows, but said, “Sure you are, Padfoot.” And then left the dorm.
---
“You haven’t worn your hair back in awhile.”
Sirius shot Remus an odd look, and then said, “When do I do that?”
Remus rested his chin on his arm and spared a glance down at the library book he’d been reading before shutting it and looking back at Sirius’s puzzled face. “When you’re happy.”
“What?” The pale, but dark-haired boy gave the werewolf an even more puzzled look.
Swiping brown hair out of his face, Remus sighed, “You wear your hair back when you’re happy.” The werewolf looked at Sirius.
A few emotions fought their way across Sirius’s face, until he finally settled for a closed, but questioning expression. “Since when?”
“Since always.” Remus snorted and raised his head from the table, trying to look serious. “You’re not happy anymore, Pads. The others don’t see it, but you can’t fool me.” Sirius wrinkled his brow at this, “I don’t know why you’ve got your knickers in a twist but, you know, we are your friends.” Remus frowned at his fellow Marauder, “You can talk to us about anything.”
Sirius worried his lip and gazed at the library table.
“We care a lot about you. You know we’ll do anything to help.” Remus said, trying to break Sirius from his silence.
Finally the other boy gave a dog-like sigh and looked up at the werewolf. “It’s nothing.” He said, then shrugged and left Remus alone in the library, for once hating the fact he was surrounded by books instead of his friends.
---
Sirius pointedly wore his hair back the next day.
Remus frowned and noted that Sirius kept tugging on his hair, as if to pull curtains down in front of his face. Sirius would see Remus looking and drop his hands suddenly, but even James, the king of obliviousness, commented that Sirius was twitchy that day.
By lunch, the long black hair was free of its tie, and Sirius scowled at Remus from across the table.
---
A prickling feeling on the back of his neck alerted Remus to someone’s gaze on him. But turning, found it was only Sirius, who snapped back to the lesson on hand as soon as the werewolf had turned. Remus wasn’t fooled: Sirius never actually paid much attention in class, and the way his intense stare was focused on Professor McGonagall screamed that something was wrong.
The following days, Remus noticed that Sirius tended to stare off into space more. When he mentioned it to James, the Chaser only shrugged and asked if Remus had noticed Lily staring ‘off into space’ (meaning ‘at James’) since the werewolf was being so observant.
The feeling of being watched seemed to follow each class, and made Remus feel uneasy. Each time, he would find Sirius gazing at him as if he was seeing through him, then once the dog Animagus would realize Remus was staring back and turn away.
Remus reasoned that this odd behavior was just because Remus always sat in front with Peter, while Sirius and James would find seats right behind them. James had claimed that the best way to be able to pass notes throughout the group, and plus, let Remus whisper help to Peter when the shorter boy needed it.
Still, Sirius would stare off into space while eating, his eyes turned towards Remus, but not looking as if he was actually seeing the werewolf.
Unnerved already, Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when Peter tapped him on the shoulder.
“You alright, Moony?” Peter withdrew his hand, watching the werewolf with a pondering look.
Remus forced his breathing to normal rates and smiled weakly at Peter, who looked even more thoughtfully at the brown-haired boy. “I’m doing quite well, Wormtail.” He said with fake cheer.
Remus was never good at lying. Peter rolled his eyes, “What’d he do now?”
The werewolf looked at the blond boy, a confused expression drawing itself across his face. “Whom?”
Peter just looked at him and shook his head. “Who else would have you all jumpy like that? Padfoot, of course.”
Remus blinked at Peter.
Peter rolled his eyes again. “C’mon, out with it. What’d Sirius do now?”
“Why do you think it’s Sirius?” Remus wrinkled his brows.
Plopping down into a nearby armchair, Peter’s nose twitched thoughtfully in a rodent-like fashion, and then he said, “Because it’s always him. You two go off and hang out together, and leave me to ‘help’ James chases after Lily.” Peter crooked his fingers into air quotations to assure Remus that he wasn’t ever helping James, more like listening to James mope and watching the Chaser get punched out by the redhead for yet another proclamation of ‘love’ for her.
Remus glanced down at the common room’s floor, which was littered with forgotten paper scrapes and lost textbooks. “Sorry, I didn’t realize we’d been doing that. Are you angry with me?” He fiddled with the quill in his hands, still full of nervous energy.
“Nah, don’t worry about me, Moony.” Peter shrugged and kicked off his shoes, “But, really, what’s Paddy done now?”
Slumping slightly, Remus ran a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. “Nothing. He’s done nothing.”
Narrowing his eyes and looking perplexed, Peter asked, “What exactly is this ‘nothing’ that he’s done?”
“He just…” Remus set his quill down next to his unfinished essay for Potions, “I’m worried, that’s all.”
“Ah.” Peter gazed at him, seemingly waiting for more.
“Erm,” The amber-eyed boy paused for a moment, “His hair’s gotten long.” He said, with a tone as if that explained it all, “And he’s been acting weird.”
Peter studied Remus for a moment longer then burst out laughing.
Frowning, Remus glared at him. “I’m serious!”
“I know,” Peter chuckled, wiping at his eyes, “That’s what makes it funny.”
Remus made a noncommittal grunt.
“Sirius is always weird-especially when he’s with you. I can’t believe you’re only noticing this now.” Peter shook his head, “And what’s his hair got to do with anything? You’re both so weird-that’s probably why you two get along so well.”
“Great. You’ve been so much help, Wormtail.” Remus stated sarcastically.
---
Remus groaned. “Alice, I really hate you right now.”
Alice rolled her eyes, “Well stop being a pansy then and go talk to him.”
“You cannot be serious.” The werewolf stared at her. “Not after what you just told me.”
The small-framed girl raised one brow at him, “Oh come now. Surely you saw that coming.”
“No. No, I really didn’t.” Remus groaned and rested his head on the table. Why did everything always have to be so complicated?
Tilting her head and watching him, Alice said, “Blimey, and I thought you bunch were observant.” She glanced towards the sky as if asking the heavens ‘why me?’ “He’s had, what, two girlfriends in all of seven years?”
“So?” Came the reply, muffled by the wooden table, “James has only had three, Peter’s had five and I’ve never had any.”
“Well, James is crazy, Peter’s pudgy, and you’re ill all the time.” She shrugged off his protests, “Sirius is very handsome, and goodness knows, he has nearly half the school drooling after him. Yet, only two girlfriends, neither of which lasted more then a week.”
Remus shifted his head on the table to glance up at her. “I don’t understand your point.” He grumbled.
“Remus, when have you seen him join in with James and Peter when they start chatting up the girls? I know James does it all the time after Quidditch practice, but Sirius just stands by and laughs or jokes with James.” Alice waves to Lily as she passes by them, than continues, “He never joins in. He just cracks a joke then wanders off to the locker rooms.”
The werewolf seemed to ponder this and reluctantly picked his head up off the table. “I never joined in either.” He feels the need to point out.
She just gives him a look, tilting her head forward and gazing at him knowingly.
“You cannot be serious.” He muttered again. “You don’t even know everything that happened.”
“If we’re just going to go in circles, I’m not talking to you anymore.” She frowned, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at him.
“Fine,” Remus rubbed his head with the tips of his fingers, “Fine.”
Alice smiled in triumph and bounced out of her seat, “Don’t worry so much, I’m sure things will work out in the end.” She said with a wink at him before striding off to find Frank and probably steal him from whatever he was doing for a ‘study break’ as she called them.
Remus didn’t move from the bench, and lets his head fall back to the table with a muffled ‘thud’. “The Fates hate me.” The boy muttered to the table.
---
Remus jabbed his finger sharply into the soft part of Sirius’s arm muscle.
“Yow! Moony! What was that for?” Sirius’s grey eyes finally focused and twittered across to Remus’s narrowed amber-brown eyes.
Ignoring his pain, Remus frowned at his friend, “We need to talk” He said sternly.
“We... do?” Sirius’s face twisted into something between confusion and guilt.
“We do.” Remus said flatly before turning back around in his chair.
---
“Sirius,” Remus reminded him as they left the classroom.
Sirius paused for a moment, seeming reluctant and nervous suddenly, but as quick as it appeared, it was hidden behind a vague smile as Sirius waved to James and Peter, “Hey, we’ll see you two in a bit, save some food for us!”
James laughed and nodded before trotting off to the Great Hall. Peter gave Remus a look before scurrying off to follow James.
The dog Animagus walked pleasantly beside Remus for a few measures before the hallway cleared of students rushing to lunch. Once they were alone, Remus shot Sirius a questioning glance, but saw nothing but the twitchy mask Sirius had put forth earlier.
Remus remained silent, words escaping him in the presence of such a mind-blowing situation. Still, he had started this; he should be the one to explain-especially before Sirius twitched himself to death.
“Si-”
“MoonyIdontknowwhatyouretalkingabout.” Sirius squeaked.
The werewolf stared at him for a beat, as Sirius nervously fiddled with a strand of hair-then remembering what Remus had said before, dropped the lock of hair and tried to keep his hands still.
“Padfoot, I want you to be honest for a moment and tell me, really, what is bothering you.” Remus’s lips twitched in a frown as he recalled Alice’s words, “No matter what it is, we’ll-just please tell me.”
Sirius went still, as if torn between one world and another, before his body sagged against gravity suddenly, “I can’t.” He said softly.
Remus moved forward, touching Sirius’s shoulder lightly, “Why not?”
The simple touch seemed to break Sirius. The once-heir to the Black family flung his arms around the bookish boy, clinging with harsh fingers dug into Remus’s tattered jumper. Sirius’s shoulders were still so tense, strained to the point where they didn’t shake or twitch when the boy began to whimper softly.
“Sirius. Pads, it’s okay. Shhh.” Remus was frightened by this show; it meant something really was tormenting his friend. The werewolf tried to force his body to soften and be normal for once-and just comfort his fellow Marauder. He tried to relax and wrap his arms around Sirius, but he was now and always Remus-the bookish werewolf for whom natural human contact was strange. His hands seemed too large and clumsy as he attempted to rub Sirius’s back in soothing circles.
“I can’t Moony. I can’t.” Sirius whimpered softly. He wasn’t crying-Sirius didn’t cry-but his nose was digging into Remus’s shoulder and his arms were constricting Remus’s ribcage.
“Shhh.” Remus tried to be soothing, and he knew he was failing, but somehow the tension in Sirius’s shoulders seemed to drain and his body sagged against Remus.
Remus didn’t want to think that maybe Alice was right, if only for situations like this.
--
“Moony…”
Breathless-Why was it so hard to breathe? Heart pounding, pounding.
“Moony, I think…”
Angles, sweet angles. Hard angles pressed against each other. Heart pounding, pounding, pounding.
“Moony, I think that I l-”
“REMUS.”
“Guh.” Remus jerked awake, his eyes focusing slowly on the person in front of him. “Oh. ‘ullo Sir’us.” He slurred his words as he rubbed at his eyes-trying to clear them of the chalky crud that remained of his dream-wait.
What the sodding hell?
“Moony, you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Sirius peered down at the werewolf. The sounds of the other two pulling at their clothes and scrubbing at their teeth could be heard from beyond the dog Animagus.
“Fine.” Remus gave a faint smile then turned away, his voice too high, “Just need to-I’ll be in the showers.” The werewolf grabbed his towel and a change of clothes and bolted for the showers, bypassing the rest of the Marauders.
He turned the water on cold and stood in the stream for a good few minutes.
Damn Alice.
--
Remus tried to ignore it. He really did.
He tried to ignore the constant staring Sirius seemed to do in his direction. He tried to ignore the feeling in his gut whenever he caught Sirius staring a moment too long and their eyes met-before Sirius jerked his head away and pretending nothing had happened. He tried to ignore the way his mind seemed to compare Sirius’s behavior around him to James’s behavior around Lily. He tried to ignore the voice in his head-that sounded an awful lot like Alice-saying maybe it wasn’t something he should ignore.
This was stupid. He hadn’t had too much trouble ignoring the few girls who had had crushes on him-even if he liked them back, it wouldn’t do for a werewolf to date. So why was Sirius so hard to ignore?
Maybe it’s because he’s a he and not a she.
Remus put his face in his hands. This couldn’t be happening.
He already had it hard enough, why this too? Hadn’t he had crushes on girls before? He had never cared what they were shaped like then.
“Moony?”
Maybe it’s because he knows what you are and still wants you.
The werewolf jerked his head up, blinking at Sirius for a moment.
Maybe it’s because he has been your friend for so long and has done so much for you.
“Moony, are you okay?” Sirius has his dark brows knit together, and his look of concern was nearly too much for Remus.
Maybe it’s because you really do like him-as more than a friend.
“’m fine.” Remus croaked, feeling his face heat up suddenly. Finding an excuse, he bolted away from the Common Room.
This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t.
--
Remus woke to soft footsteps outside the curtains of his bed. They paused and the werewolf snorted, “Pads, what’re you doing up?”
Quietly, Sirius slid through the gold and red curtains around Remus’s bed. “Couldn’t sleep. Sorry for waking you, Moony.” He muttered, sitting at the foot of the bed, but stared at the bedspread like it was incredibly interesting.
“Padfoot, look at me.” Remus fought off a yawn, still not fully awake, “What’s wrong?”
Sirius refused to meet his eyes. “Nuthing. Just couldn’t sleep.”
Remus gave into the jaw-splitting yawn and shifted on his bed, “C’mere then.” He muttered, patting the space beside him.
The pale, dark-haired boy didn’t move. “Remus…”
Remus lifted his head from his pillow, “Yush?” He slurred groggily.
“Remus-Moony… no matter what happens, you’ll always be my friend, right?” Sirius seemed far too solemn for three in the morning.
“O’course Pads. Come’ta bed. No more nitem’res for Pads.” Remus nuzzled into his pillow, patting the space beside him.
Sirius snorted, but stayed on the foot of the bed, watching the werewolf fall further into dreams. Maybe it was only a product of his groggy mind that had Sirius grumbling “You’re too easy to love, Moony.”
--
Remus was a bundle of nerves.
He worried that Alice was right-but he also worried that she was wrong.
What if after all this, the thing that was tormenting Sirius turned out to be something completely different? What would he do then?
The werewolf let his head fall against the book in his hands. Surely there was an easier way to figure this out other then talking to Sirius.
“Moony?” James’s voice drew him from his thoughts and he lifted his head. “What’s going on between you and Padfoot?”
Remus froze. “Noth-Nothing. Nothing’s going on.” He murmured too quickly.
James’s hazel eyes narrowed, “No, huh? Why’re you two avoiding each other then? And why is Sirius so upset?”
“Sirius is upset?” Remus gripped the edges of the library table.
“He’s convinced he’s done something to make you angry at him… again.” James’s voice softened as it fell on the last word, reminding Remus of the last time he was angry-after the Prank.
“I’m not angry.” The werewolf was bewildered. “Why does he think I am?”
The black-haired boy paused for a moment, than continued reluctantly, “I know you forgave him for that-that whole thing, but Pads never-he never really forgave himself, you know?” James rubbed the back of his head, his eyes not meeting Remus’s, as if some secret he had been sworn to keep would fall out if the boy was to lift his eyes. “He’s afraid you haven’t forgiven him either.”
A cold chill gripped his middle, “I forgave him-you know I did.”
“Does he know?” Hazel eyes met amber-brown but James quickly glanced away. “Anyway,” The pureblood continued on a forced-sounding lighter tone, “He’s out moping. You’d better go find him, Moony.” The last words were still light, but barely hid a desperate request. James slid the Map across the table and left.
Remus stared after the self-proclaimed ‘leader’ of the Marauders before turning back to the Map at his fingertips. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” He muttered tapping it with his wand and the ink grew into the complex spell that had taken them the better part of two years to perfect.
Amber-brown eyes studied the spell-drawn Map for a moment before clearing it and darting off from the lonesome library.
--
Remus paused at the entrance to the bathroom, hearing the muffled mutterings coming from one of the stalls.
“Sirius?”
The mutterings stopped. “Mo-” A throat cleared, “Moony.” It was not a question, but it was asked still, burning with unsaid words that escaped into the air.
“Pads… erm,” Remus peered through the crack between the stall and the door, “I’m not angry.” He offered cautiously.
There was a moment of silence before, “Oh.” The lock clanked open and red-rimmed grey eyes meet amber-brown.
--
[etc, what with the puppylove and the adorableness]
--
A/N: Just fill in the rest with every other Remus/Sirius fic EVER. Seriously, could I possibly have been writing something any more generic? Eh, whatever. It was fun, but I have no interest in writing the rest of this incredible sap story.
Genre: Harry Potter, Marauders-Era
Rating: PG14
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Summary: Remus has always been able to read Sirius’s emotions by the way he wears his hair, even though no one else seems to ever notice. But when Sirius randomly starts wearing his hair long again, Remus has no idea why he’s upset.
---
Black. His hair is as black as his name, and Sirius knows this is the one thing he can never erase about his family’s claim on him. Somehow, the color of his hair affects him more then the thought of the blood in his veins or the genes within his cells.
But, regardless of how depressed his hair can make him, Remus has always noted that Sirius’s hair always shows his moods. Sometimes, his hair is even more truthful then his face.
When they first met Sirius, Remus was amazed at such long jet-black hair he had: hair all the way down to his waist. He tended to wear it like a veil, hiding his face and eyes in hair like liquid shadow. But, of course, James would have none of that. James always used Sirius’s long hair like a leash, pulling on it to get the boy’s attention, yanking on it to get him to follow; really, it was no wonder why Sirius’s Animagus form turned out to be a dog.
---
After the first month of first year, Sirius started to smile more. He also wore his hair pulled back in a tie, sometimes letting a few of the giggling girls braid it for him in jest.
When they came back from the Hols, Sirius mentioned offhandedly that he wanted a haircut.
He still doesn’t quite understand why this comment was met with disbelief and laughter.
Or why when he came back late one night with hair trimmed to his shoulders, they all stared at him for ages.
He kept it short for awhile after that. He would only laugh if someone asked him why.
Remus noticed that if he was feeling particularly happy that day, Sirius would still tie his hair back away from his face.
---
It was late into third year when Remus had to pause at something Peter had said.
“When’s your next haircut, Sirius? Your hair’s getting a bit wild at the edges again.” Peter mentioned, gesturing at Sirius’s hair that was creeping down his upper back now.
Sirius grinned, but it didn’t meet his eyes, and replied, “I think I’ll let it grow out a bit. Then it’ll be just as wild as me.”
James snorted. “You just want to steal by crazy wild hair. You know the birds love it.”
Remus watched the play-fight between them and wondered why it seemed like Sirius wasn’t putting his heart into it tonight. The werewolf shrugged mentally and went back to reading his book. Sirius probably was just lamenting his recent breakup with that girl, whasherface.
---
Sirius didn’t cut his hair for all of fourth year.
He would only laugh if you asked about it, but the laugh always seemed slightly hollow.
The second-in-command of the Marauders seemed to withdraw as times, using his hair as a shield against the rest of the world.
His smiles seemed less real.
His laughter came less and less.
Sometimes it even took James beaning the boy upside the head to get his attention.
Remus started to worry, but the others didn’t seem to warrant Sirius’s long hair anything to worry about. They snorted and laughed when Remus brought it up, and after that the werewolf kept his thoughts to himself.
---
When Sirius turned up on James’s doorstep one afternoon in the summer that year, his jet-black hair was nearly down to his waist.
It didn’t surprise Remus when Sirius decided to cut his hair short after the Potters accepted him as if he was their own.
Sirius seemed confused when Remus’s letter contained a few hair ties, but he laughed a real laugh for the first time in a long time.
---
After the Prank, even though Remus had forgiven him, Sirius had begun to let his hair grow again.
“Sirius,” Remus began.
“Yessir, Messer Moony?” Sirius teased, with a grin.
“Why haven’t you cut your hair?” Remus wasn’t known for his tact.
Sirius’s grin faded slightly, then returned but it didn’t reach his eyes anymore. “Why? You like my luscious, lovely, long hair?” Grey eyes winked teasingly.
Remus just frowned, “What are you upset about this time?”
Sirius gave him a sharp look-which dissolved when the Black boy seemed to remember just who he was glaring at. Making a face at the dorm’s carpet, Sirius hesitated before replying, “I’m not upset about anything. There’s nothing bothering me. Just leave it, alright Moony?”
The werewolf shifted on the trunk where he was perched, book still in hand, “I don’t believe you.” He said flatly.
The dog animagus looked sheepish for a moment before forcefully frowning at Remus. “Just leave it alone. I’m fine.”
Remus knit his brows, but said, “Sure you are, Padfoot.” And then left the dorm.
---
“You haven’t worn your hair back in awhile.”
Sirius shot Remus an odd look, and then said, “When do I do that?”
Remus rested his chin on his arm and spared a glance down at the library book he’d been reading before shutting it and looking back at Sirius’s puzzled face. “When you’re happy.”
“What?” The pale, but dark-haired boy gave the werewolf an even more puzzled look.
Swiping brown hair out of his face, Remus sighed, “You wear your hair back when you’re happy.” The werewolf looked at Sirius.
A few emotions fought their way across Sirius’s face, until he finally settled for a closed, but questioning expression. “Since when?”
“Since always.” Remus snorted and raised his head from the table, trying to look serious. “You’re not happy anymore, Pads. The others don’t see it, but you can’t fool me.” Sirius wrinkled his brow at this, “I don’t know why you’ve got your knickers in a twist but, you know, we are your friends.” Remus frowned at his fellow Marauder, “You can talk to us about anything.”
Sirius worried his lip and gazed at the library table.
“We care a lot about you. You know we’ll do anything to help.” Remus said, trying to break Sirius from his silence.
Finally the other boy gave a dog-like sigh and looked up at the werewolf. “It’s nothing.” He said, then shrugged and left Remus alone in the library, for once hating the fact he was surrounded by books instead of his friends.
---
Sirius pointedly wore his hair back the next day.
Remus frowned and noted that Sirius kept tugging on his hair, as if to pull curtains down in front of his face. Sirius would see Remus looking and drop his hands suddenly, but even James, the king of obliviousness, commented that Sirius was twitchy that day.
By lunch, the long black hair was free of its tie, and Sirius scowled at Remus from across the table.
---
A prickling feeling on the back of his neck alerted Remus to someone’s gaze on him. But turning, found it was only Sirius, who snapped back to the lesson on hand as soon as the werewolf had turned. Remus wasn’t fooled: Sirius never actually paid much attention in class, and the way his intense stare was focused on Professor McGonagall screamed that something was wrong.
The following days, Remus noticed that Sirius tended to stare off into space more. When he mentioned it to James, the Chaser only shrugged and asked if Remus had noticed Lily staring ‘off into space’ (meaning ‘at James’) since the werewolf was being so observant.
The feeling of being watched seemed to follow each class, and made Remus feel uneasy. Each time, he would find Sirius gazing at him as if he was seeing through him, then once the dog Animagus would realize Remus was staring back and turn away.
Remus reasoned that this odd behavior was just because Remus always sat in front with Peter, while Sirius and James would find seats right behind them. James had claimed that the best way to be able to pass notes throughout the group, and plus, let Remus whisper help to Peter when the shorter boy needed it.
Still, Sirius would stare off into space while eating, his eyes turned towards Remus, but not looking as if he was actually seeing the werewolf.
Unnerved already, Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when Peter tapped him on the shoulder.
“You alright, Moony?” Peter withdrew his hand, watching the werewolf with a pondering look.
Remus forced his breathing to normal rates and smiled weakly at Peter, who looked even more thoughtfully at the brown-haired boy. “I’m doing quite well, Wormtail.” He said with fake cheer.
Remus was never good at lying. Peter rolled his eyes, “What’d he do now?”
The werewolf looked at the blond boy, a confused expression drawing itself across his face. “Whom?”
Peter just looked at him and shook his head. “Who else would have you all jumpy like that? Padfoot, of course.”
Remus blinked at Peter.
Peter rolled his eyes again. “C’mon, out with it. What’d Sirius do now?”
“Why do you think it’s Sirius?” Remus wrinkled his brows.
Plopping down into a nearby armchair, Peter’s nose twitched thoughtfully in a rodent-like fashion, and then he said, “Because it’s always him. You two go off and hang out together, and leave me to ‘help’ James chases after Lily.” Peter crooked his fingers into air quotations to assure Remus that he wasn’t ever helping James, more like listening to James mope and watching the Chaser get punched out by the redhead for yet another proclamation of ‘love’ for her.
Remus glanced down at the common room’s floor, which was littered with forgotten paper scrapes and lost textbooks. “Sorry, I didn’t realize we’d been doing that. Are you angry with me?” He fiddled with the quill in his hands, still full of nervous energy.
“Nah, don’t worry about me, Moony.” Peter shrugged and kicked off his shoes, “But, really, what’s Paddy done now?”
Slumping slightly, Remus ran a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. “Nothing. He’s done nothing.”
Narrowing his eyes and looking perplexed, Peter asked, “What exactly is this ‘nothing’ that he’s done?”
“He just…” Remus set his quill down next to his unfinished essay for Potions, “I’m worried, that’s all.”
“Ah.” Peter gazed at him, seemingly waiting for more.
“Erm,” The amber-eyed boy paused for a moment, “His hair’s gotten long.” He said, with a tone as if that explained it all, “And he’s been acting weird.”
Peter studied Remus for a moment longer then burst out laughing.
Frowning, Remus glared at him. “I’m serious!”
“I know,” Peter chuckled, wiping at his eyes, “That’s what makes it funny.”
Remus made a noncommittal grunt.
“Sirius is always weird-especially when he’s with you. I can’t believe you’re only noticing this now.” Peter shook his head, “And what’s his hair got to do with anything? You’re both so weird-that’s probably why you two get along so well.”
“Great. You’ve been so much help, Wormtail.” Remus stated sarcastically.
---
Remus groaned. “Alice, I really hate you right now.”
Alice rolled her eyes, “Well stop being a pansy then and go talk to him.”
“You cannot be serious.” The werewolf stared at her. “Not after what you just told me.”
The small-framed girl raised one brow at him, “Oh come now. Surely you saw that coming.”
“No. No, I really didn’t.” Remus groaned and rested his head on the table. Why did everything always have to be so complicated?
Tilting her head and watching him, Alice said, “Blimey, and I thought you bunch were observant.” She glanced towards the sky as if asking the heavens ‘why me?’ “He’s had, what, two girlfriends in all of seven years?”
“So?” Came the reply, muffled by the wooden table, “James has only had three, Peter’s had five and I’ve never had any.”
“Well, James is crazy, Peter’s pudgy, and you’re ill all the time.” She shrugged off his protests, “Sirius is very handsome, and goodness knows, he has nearly half the school drooling after him. Yet, only two girlfriends, neither of which lasted more then a week.”
Remus shifted his head on the table to glance up at her. “I don’t understand your point.” He grumbled.
“Remus, when have you seen him join in with James and Peter when they start chatting up the girls? I know James does it all the time after Quidditch practice, but Sirius just stands by and laughs or jokes with James.” Alice waves to Lily as she passes by them, than continues, “He never joins in. He just cracks a joke then wanders off to the locker rooms.”
The werewolf seemed to ponder this and reluctantly picked his head up off the table. “I never joined in either.” He feels the need to point out.
She just gives him a look, tilting her head forward and gazing at him knowingly.
“You cannot be serious.” He muttered again. “You don’t even know everything that happened.”
“If we’re just going to go in circles, I’m not talking to you anymore.” She frowned, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at him.
“Fine,” Remus rubbed his head with the tips of his fingers, “Fine.”
Alice smiled in triumph and bounced out of her seat, “Don’t worry so much, I’m sure things will work out in the end.” She said with a wink at him before striding off to find Frank and probably steal him from whatever he was doing for a ‘study break’ as she called them.
Remus didn’t move from the bench, and lets his head fall back to the table with a muffled ‘thud’. “The Fates hate me.” The boy muttered to the table.
---
Remus jabbed his finger sharply into the soft part of Sirius’s arm muscle.
“Yow! Moony! What was that for?” Sirius’s grey eyes finally focused and twittered across to Remus’s narrowed amber-brown eyes.
Ignoring his pain, Remus frowned at his friend, “We need to talk” He said sternly.
“We... do?” Sirius’s face twisted into something between confusion and guilt.
“We do.” Remus said flatly before turning back around in his chair.
---
“Sirius,” Remus reminded him as they left the classroom.
Sirius paused for a moment, seeming reluctant and nervous suddenly, but as quick as it appeared, it was hidden behind a vague smile as Sirius waved to James and Peter, “Hey, we’ll see you two in a bit, save some food for us!”
James laughed and nodded before trotting off to the Great Hall. Peter gave Remus a look before scurrying off to follow James.
The dog Animagus walked pleasantly beside Remus for a few measures before the hallway cleared of students rushing to lunch. Once they were alone, Remus shot Sirius a questioning glance, but saw nothing but the twitchy mask Sirius had put forth earlier.
Remus remained silent, words escaping him in the presence of such a mind-blowing situation. Still, he had started this; he should be the one to explain-especially before Sirius twitched himself to death.
“Si-”
“MoonyIdontknowwhatyouretalkingabout.” Sirius squeaked.
The werewolf stared at him for a beat, as Sirius nervously fiddled with a strand of hair-then remembering what Remus had said before, dropped the lock of hair and tried to keep his hands still.
“Padfoot, I want you to be honest for a moment and tell me, really, what is bothering you.” Remus’s lips twitched in a frown as he recalled Alice’s words, “No matter what it is, we’ll-just please tell me.”
Sirius went still, as if torn between one world and another, before his body sagged against gravity suddenly, “I can’t.” He said softly.
Remus moved forward, touching Sirius’s shoulder lightly, “Why not?”
The simple touch seemed to break Sirius. The once-heir to the Black family flung his arms around the bookish boy, clinging with harsh fingers dug into Remus’s tattered jumper. Sirius’s shoulders were still so tense, strained to the point where they didn’t shake or twitch when the boy began to whimper softly.
“Sirius. Pads, it’s okay. Shhh.” Remus was frightened by this show; it meant something really was tormenting his friend. The werewolf tried to force his body to soften and be normal for once-and just comfort his fellow Marauder. He tried to relax and wrap his arms around Sirius, but he was now and always Remus-the bookish werewolf for whom natural human contact was strange. His hands seemed too large and clumsy as he attempted to rub Sirius’s back in soothing circles.
“I can’t Moony. I can’t.” Sirius whimpered softly. He wasn’t crying-Sirius didn’t cry-but his nose was digging into Remus’s shoulder and his arms were constricting Remus’s ribcage.
“Shhh.” Remus tried to be soothing, and he knew he was failing, but somehow the tension in Sirius’s shoulders seemed to drain and his body sagged against Remus.
Remus didn’t want to think that maybe Alice was right, if only for situations like this.
--
“Moony…”
Breathless-Why was it so hard to breathe? Heart pounding, pounding.
“Moony, I think…”
Angles, sweet angles. Hard angles pressed against each other. Heart pounding, pounding, pounding.
“Moony, I think that I l-”
“REMUS.”
“Guh.” Remus jerked awake, his eyes focusing slowly on the person in front of him. “Oh. ‘ullo Sir’us.” He slurred his words as he rubbed at his eyes-trying to clear them of the chalky crud that remained of his dream-wait.
What the sodding hell?
“Moony, you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Sirius peered down at the werewolf. The sounds of the other two pulling at their clothes and scrubbing at their teeth could be heard from beyond the dog Animagus.
“Fine.” Remus gave a faint smile then turned away, his voice too high, “Just need to-I’ll be in the showers.” The werewolf grabbed his towel and a change of clothes and bolted for the showers, bypassing the rest of the Marauders.
He turned the water on cold and stood in the stream for a good few minutes.
Damn Alice.
--
Remus tried to ignore it. He really did.
He tried to ignore the constant staring Sirius seemed to do in his direction. He tried to ignore the feeling in his gut whenever he caught Sirius staring a moment too long and their eyes met-before Sirius jerked his head away and pretending nothing had happened. He tried to ignore the way his mind seemed to compare Sirius’s behavior around him to James’s behavior around Lily. He tried to ignore the voice in his head-that sounded an awful lot like Alice-saying maybe it wasn’t something he should ignore.
This was stupid. He hadn’t had too much trouble ignoring the few girls who had had crushes on him-even if he liked them back, it wouldn’t do for a werewolf to date. So why was Sirius so hard to ignore?
Maybe it’s because he’s a he and not a she.
Remus put his face in his hands. This couldn’t be happening.
He already had it hard enough, why this too? Hadn’t he had crushes on girls before? He had never cared what they were shaped like then.
“Moony?”
Maybe it’s because he knows what you are and still wants you.
The werewolf jerked his head up, blinking at Sirius for a moment.
Maybe it’s because he has been your friend for so long and has done so much for you.
“Moony, are you okay?” Sirius has his dark brows knit together, and his look of concern was nearly too much for Remus.
Maybe it’s because you really do like him-as more than a friend.
“’m fine.” Remus croaked, feeling his face heat up suddenly. Finding an excuse, he bolted away from the Common Room.
This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t.
--
Remus woke to soft footsteps outside the curtains of his bed. They paused and the werewolf snorted, “Pads, what’re you doing up?”
Quietly, Sirius slid through the gold and red curtains around Remus’s bed. “Couldn’t sleep. Sorry for waking you, Moony.” He muttered, sitting at the foot of the bed, but stared at the bedspread like it was incredibly interesting.
“Padfoot, look at me.” Remus fought off a yawn, still not fully awake, “What’s wrong?”
Sirius refused to meet his eyes. “Nuthing. Just couldn’t sleep.”
Remus gave into the jaw-splitting yawn and shifted on his bed, “C’mere then.” He muttered, patting the space beside him.
The pale, dark-haired boy didn’t move. “Remus…”
Remus lifted his head from his pillow, “Yush?” He slurred groggily.
“Remus-Moony… no matter what happens, you’ll always be my friend, right?” Sirius seemed far too solemn for three in the morning.
“O’course Pads. Come’ta bed. No more nitem’res for Pads.” Remus nuzzled into his pillow, patting the space beside him.
Sirius snorted, but stayed on the foot of the bed, watching the werewolf fall further into dreams. Maybe it was only a product of his groggy mind that had Sirius grumbling “You’re too easy to love, Moony.”
--
Remus was a bundle of nerves.
He worried that Alice was right-but he also worried that she was wrong.
What if after all this, the thing that was tormenting Sirius turned out to be something completely different? What would he do then?
The werewolf let his head fall against the book in his hands. Surely there was an easier way to figure this out other then talking to Sirius.
“Moony?” James’s voice drew him from his thoughts and he lifted his head. “What’s going on between you and Padfoot?”
Remus froze. “Noth-Nothing. Nothing’s going on.” He murmured too quickly.
James’s hazel eyes narrowed, “No, huh? Why’re you two avoiding each other then? And why is Sirius so upset?”
“Sirius is upset?” Remus gripped the edges of the library table.
“He’s convinced he’s done something to make you angry at him… again.” James’s voice softened as it fell on the last word, reminding Remus of the last time he was angry-after the Prank.
“I’m not angry.” The werewolf was bewildered. “Why does he think I am?”
The black-haired boy paused for a moment, than continued reluctantly, “I know you forgave him for that-that whole thing, but Pads never-he never really forgave himself, you know?” James rubbed the back of his head, his eyes not meeting Remus’s, as if some secret he had been sworn to keep would fall out if the boy was to lift his eyes. “He’s afraid you haven’t forgiven him either.”
A cold chill gripped his middle, “I forgave him-you know I did.”
“Does he know?” Hazel eyes met amber-brown but James quickly glanced away. “Anyway,” The pureblood continued on a forced-sounding lighter tone, “He’s out moping. You’d better go find him, Moony.” The last words were still light, but barely hid a desperate request. James slid the Map across the table and left.
Remus stared after the self-proclaimed ‘leader’ of the Marauders before turning back to the Map at his fingertips. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” He muttered tapping it with his wand and the ink grew into the complex spell that had taken them the better part of two years to perfect.
Amber-brown eyes studied the spell-drawn Map for a moment before clearing it and darting off from the lonesome library.
--
Remus paused at the entrance to the bathroom, hearing the muffled mutterings coming from one of the stalls.
“Sirius?”
The mutterings stopped. “Mo-” A throat cleared, “Moony.” It was not a question, but it was asked still, burning with unsaid words that escaped into the air.
“Pads… erm,” Remus peered through the crack between the stall and the door, “I’m not angry.” He offered cautiously.
There was a moment of silence before, “Oh.” The lock clanked open and red-rimmed grey eyes meet amber-brown.
--
[etc, what with the puppylove and the adorableness]
--
A/N: Just fill in the rest with every other Remus/Sirius fic EVER. Seriously, could I possibly have been writing something any more generic? Eh, whatever. It was fun, but I have no interest in writing the rest of this incredible sap story.