Alligators and Cow Tongue
This is what happens with every serious conversation with my father. We're just too silly to be serious throughout a whole conversation. This was all improvisation, by the way, no injokes in this (except maybe the cow tongues, but that's only because of frequency of use in our jokes) but pure retarded and morbid humor on our part.
Kit: *on phone with Dad, after discussing college* So, anything new at home?
Dad: Oh not much, the house burned down and the dog is pregnant--
Kit: Oh of course, our house burned down and the fixed dog is pregnant. Are we having cow tongues or elephant tongues for dinner?
Dad: Oh elephant definitely along with alligator--
Kit: Claws? Or Livers? Go down to Louisiana to get them fresh from the swamp?
Dad: Oh of course. No where better to get them from.
*after we finish laughing our brains out*
Kit: So do I still have a house to come back to?
Dad: Well, it wasn't the side with your room that burned down, so yes.
Kit: I see. [My little brother (who is a freshman in highschool)] smoking his cigars again?
Dad: Oh no, he lit up his bundson burner and--
Kit: Oh, I see, he lit the cats on fire then?
Dad: We tried to put it out with a hammer *makes soundeffects* rrow! rrow! rrow!
Kit: You'd be better off trying a saw with that.
Dad: Yes, so we'll just write your name on your door--that'll be easy with all the smoke damage.
Kit: But you'll have to move the swamp out of my bedroom before you do that--and all the alligators for tonight's meal.
Dad: Oh no, we've already got the alligators in the bathroom.
Kit: So where is the cats' food? Oh right, in the--
Dad: The laundry room, of course.
Kit: Right, easier to get them into the washer that way
Dad: *makes soundeffects* rrrrrROW rrowrrrOW! Get them nice and clean.
Kit: And then into the dryer.
Dad: To dry them of course!
Kit: But don't put in any of those dryer sheets--unless you want poofballs instead of cats.
Dad: Oh yea, if we do that we'll have to use them as--
Kit: Soccerballs
Dad: --Cotton swabs, or maybe pillows for the couch.
Kit: Of course, dad. Of course. Glad to know you've been getting along without me.
Dad: We try.
Kit: Love ya, g'night.
Dad: Love you too, goodnight.
Kit: *on phone with Dad, after discussing college* So, anything new at home?
Dad: Oh not much, the house burned down and the dog is pregnant--
Kit: Oh of course, our house burned down and the fixed dog is pregnant. Are we having cow tongues or elephant tongues for dinner?
Dad: Oh elephant definitely along with alligator--
Kit: Claws? Or Livers? Go down to Louisiana to get them fresh from the swamp?
Dad: Oh of course. No where better to get them from.
*after we finish laughing our brains out*
Kit: So do I still have a house to come back to?
Dad: Well, it wasn't the side with your room that burned down, so yes.
Kit: I see. [My little brother (who is a freshman in highschool)] smoking his cigars again?
Dad: Oh no, he lit up his bundson burner and--
Kit: Oh, I see, he lit the cats on fire then?
Dad: We tried to put it out with a hammer *makes soundeffects* rrow! rrow! rrow!
Kit: You'd be better off trying a saw with that.
Dad: Yes, so we'll just write your name on your door--that'll be easy with all the smoke damage.
Kit: But you'll have to move the swamp out of my bedroom before you do that--and all the alligators for tonight's meal.
Dad: Oh no, we've already got the alligators in the bathroom.
Kit: So where is the cats' food? Oh right, in the--
Dad: The laundry room, of course.
Kit: Right, easier to get them into the washer that way
Dad: *makes soundeffects* rrrrrROW rrowrrrOW! Get them nice and clean.
Kit: And then into the dryer.
Dad: To dry them of course!
Kit: But don't put in any of those dryer sheets--unless you want poofballs instead of cats.
Dad: Oh yea, if we do that we'll have to use them as--
Kit: Soccerballs
Dad: --Cotton swabs, or maybe pillows for the couch.
Kit: Of course, dad. Of course. Glad to know you've been getting along without me.
Dad: We try.
Kit: Love ya, g'night.
Dad: Love you too, goodnight.