365 days in 43 questions
1. Was 2011 a good year for you?
At this precise moment, if given only the choice of a binary answer it would be a "yes." Though much has changed, it should also be noted that not all the changes have been pleasant or immediately or directly beneficial.
2. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Stole obscene amounts of money. Began reaching out and trying to make professional contacts and followed through. I went back to school for the first time in over a year. Began student teaching...in Spanish. Did poppers. Gave up alcohol, marijuana and gambling and joined a fellowship. Completed an outpatient rehab program. Had my license suspended. Admitted I was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable. Began to believe in spirituality and make progress in the non-material domain.
3. What was your favorite moment of the year?
5 November --the Wild Flag concert.
4. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
The hours of 7 and 8 April, and the ensuing and immediate aftermath. Those moments of madness were among not just the worst of the year, but the worst of my life.
5. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
The overarching goal was to be more linguistically-orientated and language-minded. As the year progressed, the specific focus was on verbs. Verbs have 2 broad subcategories: those of action, and those of states of being. The action part was my concern. Though there was progress, if this had to be answered in a binary as the first question, the unfortunate answer would be a fairly solid "no."
6. What are your plans for 2012?
(1) Continue to work toward action, rather than inaction.
(2)Finish student teaching and find some sort of work even if it is only subbing or temporary.
(3)Be more positive.
(4)To continue improving my Spanish and study Latin.
(5)To get more involved at the fellowship and reach out to more people. Continue working the steps and begin making my amends.
(6)Use and fully implement the 4-week system (first introduced in 2007, but quickly abandoned).
(7) Finish and return all borrowed materials. Read a minimum of 13 books and watch 26 new movies.
(8) Continue to exercise and be able to run a mile in under 10 minutes (I've never been able to do that! But I am already running faster than I have in years, and it has only been 2 weeks).
I have a lot more, but these are the 8 that came to mind.
7. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
8. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
9. How many weddings did you go to?
None.
10. What countries/states did you visit?
The farthest I traveled this year was to San Francisco.
11. What dates in 2011 will remain etched in your memory?
7, 8, 9, 14, and 19 April
5 and 7 June
10 August
13 September
5 October
5 November
18 and 26 December
there are more, but these are the immediate ones
12. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Admitting I needed help.
13. What was your biggest failure?
Began drinking again against doctor's advice; a destructive and obsessive compulsion toward scratchers; another trip to the psych ward; being told repeatedly by several people (close, professional, and strangers) that I was angry, negative, bitter; the constant acts of aggression, such as those that may have cost me a friendship of 20 years; As the literature says: "We could increase the list ad infinitum."
14. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Yes.
15. What was the best thing you bought?
The Wild Flag album and the concert tickets.
16. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother's, my father's, my cooperating teacher, Sandy, various friends, Louis, Ray, Alyssa, Vuthya, Joan, Chris, Karen, students, members at the fellowship, Stanley, Robert -- Real Alcoholic, Walter,Cinnamon, Carrie Brownstein, Wild Flag, Jeff W, Jeff B, Gail, Destiny, Eskai (I forget her real name, but I think that's not it), Vicki, Vicente, my sister's, previous teachers (including Eric and Sid), the protesters in the Arab Spring, Beeg, Beth, Brian (not S or G), Giano, Robert (I think that's his name?), Joyce, Bill W, Ebbie Thatcher, Anita, Kaye, Pete, Lisa, Alicia, Vaclav Havel, Maggie, Peter K, various people on facebook, Dana, AJ, Sylvia, the CHP officer (Bianci?)...this list could also be increased "ad infinitum."
17. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mostly my own. Some of the above people whose behavior did merit celebration also did some things that may have been dastardly (or at least misinterpreted that way). The fascists, oppressors, and other enemies of human progress.
18. Where did most of your money go?
The bulk went to pay bills and debts of the household and never actually touched my hands or even made it to my bank account. What I did get to handle went to poor dietary choices.
19. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Wild Flag --the album, the concert, the experience. In January I was excited about Portlandia, observing Spanish classes, resuming my half-assed attempts to teach myself Latin and German and going to Sunday morning mass. In August it was student teaching and being back in school. Honestly, I did not get too excited about much after 5 November. The year sort of plateaued after that.
20. What lyrics will you remember most from 2011?
Pretty much all the lyrics to Sleater-Kinney's albums One Beat (2002) and The Woods (2005). Also, the entirety of "Wild Flag" 2011). Various other songs cropped up throughout, such as songs by Morrissey ("Speedway," "Disappointed," and "Suedehead" come to mind), George Harrison ("Awaiting on You All"), songs by John Lennon (including "God" and "Happy Xmas (War is Over)")...
But if I did have to pick one line at this moment, one flash of 'clean, light hope' it would be:
"Hey hey can you feel it? The way it sways ya? The hum in you chest..."
21. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner? Thinner
b) Happier or sadder? Happier
c) Richer or poorer? Same
22. What do you wish you'd done more of?
reading, being nice, being productive, language studying, exercise, sex/physical intimacy, being kinder, being positive
23. What do you wish you'd done less of?
being insecure, being a bad friend, spending money on stuff I didn't need, sleep, being demanding, negative
24. How did/will you spend Christmas?
It began late and with a much fuller guest list. By the time the food did occur, it was still pretty good. The meat was delicious and I tried a green bean dish that was a success.
25. Which LJ/DW users did you meet IRL for the first time?
None. Although I did meet someone from OkCupid in an aborted tempt at a homosexual romance. Turns out, I probably don't like guys...or definitely not that one, anyway.
26. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No, but I was reminded of the loves I have had and the major celebrity (is she a celebrity?) crush on Carrie Brownstein. I'm sure I've said it before, but when I saw Sleater-Kinney in 2005, I saw before me the epitome of female beauty. That thought came back to min in November.
27. What was your favorite month of 2011?
I could be pithy and say April as it saw the depths of depravity and the beautifully human senses of hope and optimism. Truthfully, I didn't have a favourite month.
28. How did/will you see in the new year?
The new year begins at midnight, and I hope to be fast asleep well before then and may even turn off my phone to avoid the beautifully thoughtful (though sometimes annoying!) onslaught of new years calls and messages.
29. What was your favorite TV show?
Community and Portlandia. I was sad that Mad Men didn't air this year, but that's okay. Also, Beavis and Butthead coming back? Score.
30. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I hate no one. But I would be lying if I said I did not feel moments of bitter rage, particularly not too long ago. It has passed, as all things must
31. What were the best books you read?
I read some 33 books and they broadly fell into 2 categories --(1)following through on themes, topics, and ideas I had been wanting to pursue; (2)deepening and expanding up things I knew or reading more of authors I enjoy. One 1 book did not fall into that category (Among the Truthers by Jonathan Kay). Some of what I read was truly fantastic but a lot of it I finished more out of a sense of duty. The content was good I suppose, but the style, the writing were awful. I think that's what this journal currently suffers from. I suppose, though, there is one book that comes to mind immediately as perhaps the best of the year: The Crisis of the 1970s, by Dominic Sandbrook.
32. What was your greatest musical discovery?
To quote Destiny: "Spotify. All of it."
33. What did you want and get?
I wanted a sense of hope and purpose, to begin the credential program, and to make some sort of progress with my life. I don't know. I didn't have as many specifics as I do now. The list of wants is long for next year.
34. What did you want and not get?
Sex/intimacy of the heterosexual variety. Like, seriously. I didn't have much sexual activity this year period, but it has been a long time since I've exchanged bodily fluids with a female. In fact, it has been since April...2009. It's kind of ridiculous, to be honest.
35. What was your favorite film this year?
A tie between The Great Dictator and Midnight in Paris. Charlie Chaplin is awesome, and most of what I saw this year was pretty forgettable. As far as Midnight in Paris, I think the act of going to see it was just as significant as the film. Woody Allen is pretty amazing.
36. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
My 25th birthday was memorable in some regards. It was a Sunday and even though it was in early June, the weather was cold and wintry. There was a bit of family time and a family meal which was nice. It was followed up by an awkward and uncomfortable gathering at a friend's house. The food was great, but they were drinking. I don't think it was meant as a birthday party, but if it was, I think it was shitty to have alcohol around someone newly sober. To be fair, they might have asked about if it was ok, but I don't remember. If they did, I shouldn't have said it was okay, thus the fault is mine and not theirs. Either way, I was really a very unappreciative jerk (a recurrent theme this year and in my life I'm afraid) and it was a bit of a decisive end to a period in my life. A few movies were shown, but I don't recall much of either, as all I did was complain.
37. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Shutting my mouth and listening more. Too often I spew out negativity that nobody needs.
38. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
A movement toward clothes that fit properly. As the weight continues to be an issue, I kept wearing clothes from the pre-op days and it looked pretty ridiculous.
39. What/who kept you sane?
All the above people who merited celebration and recognition as positive influences in my life this past year. Thank you.
40. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Well, again, I don't know if she is a celebrity (what does constitute one?) but it is Carrie Brownstein, hands-down.
41. Which political issue stirred you the most?
Whenever I engaged in politics this year, it stirred me. There was much sadness and anger. At one point in the fall, it seemed all I did was tweet about fascism here in America. It became apparent once more how unworldly I am and perhaps may be for the indeterminable future. That has got to change, and in order to change that I need to get more involved.
42. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
A good opportunity to quote another song: " If you open up your heart / You will know what I mean / We've been polluted so long / Now heres a way for you to get clean"
43. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn't have in 2011?
Probably fulfilling number 34. But I'm not holding my breathe. I just want to be open to whatever experiences that can and will happen.
At this precise moment, if given only the choice of a binary answer it would be a "yes." Though much has changed, it should also be noted that not all the changes have been pleasant or immediately or directly beneficial.
2. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Stole obscene amounts of money. Began reaching out and trying to make professional contacts and followed through. I went back to school for the first time in over a year. Began student teaching...in Spanish. Did poppers. Gave up alcohol, marijuana and gambling and joined a fellowship. Completed an outpatient rehab program. Had my license suspended. Admitted I was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable. Began to believe in spirituality and make progress in the non-material domain.
3. What was your favorite moment of the year?
5 November --the Wild Flag concert.
4. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
The hours of 7 and 8 April, and the ensuing and immediate aftermath. Those moments of madness were among not just the worst of the year, but the worst of my life.
5. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
The overarching goal was to be more linguistically-orientated and language-minded. As the year progressed, the specific focus was on verbs. Verbs have 2 broad subcategories: those of action, and those of states of being. The action part was my concern. Though there was progress, if this had to be answered in a binary as the first question, the unfortunate answer would be a fairly solid "no."
6. What are your plans for 2012?
(1) Continue to work toward action, rather than inaction.
(2)Finish student teaching and find some sort of work even if it is only subbing or temporary.
(3)Be more positive.
(4)To continue improving my Spanish and study Latin.
(5)To get more involved at the fellowship and reach out to more people. Continue working the steps and begin making my amends.
(6)Use and fully implement the 4-week system (first introduced in 2007, but quickly abandoned).
(7) Finish and return all borrowed materials. Read a minimum of 13 books and watch 26 new movies.
(8) Continue to exercise and be able to run a mile in under 10 minutes (I've never been able to do that! But I am already running faster than I have in years, and it has only been 2 weeks).
I have a lot more, but these are the 8 that came to mind.
7. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
8. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
9. How many weddings did you go to?
None.
10. What countries/states did you visit?
The farthest I traveled this year was to San Francisco.
11. What dates in 2011 will remain etched in your memory?
7, 8, 9, 14, and 19 April
5 and 7 June
10 August
13 September
5 October
5 November
18 and 26 December
there are more, but these are the immediate ones
12. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Admitting I needed help.
13. What was your biggest failure?
Began drinking again against doctor's advice; a destructive and obsessive compulsion toward scratchers; another trip to the psych ward; being told repeatedly by several people (close, professional, and strangers) that I was angry, negative, bitter; the constant acts of aggression, such as those that may have cost me a friendship of 20 years; As the literature says: "We could increase the list ad infinitum."
14. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Yes.
15. What was the best thing you bought?
The Wild Flag album and the concert tickets.
16. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother's, my father's, my cooperating teacher, Sandy, various friends, Louis, Ray, Alyssa, Vuthya, Joan, Chris, Karen, students, members at the fellowship, Stanley, Robert -- Real Alcoholic, Walter,Cinnamon, Carrie Brownstein, Wild Flag, Jeff W, Jeff B, Gail, Destiny, Eskai (I forget her real name, but I think that's not it), Vicki, Vicente, my sister's, previous teachers (including Eric and Sid), the protesters in the Arab Spring, Beeg, Beth, Brian (not S or G), Giano, Robert (I think that's his name?), Joyce, Bill W, Ebbie Thatcher, Anita, Kaye, Pete, Lisa, Alicia, Vaclav Havel, Maggie, Peter K, various people on facebook, Dana, AJ, Sylvia, the CHP officer (Bianci?)...this list could also be increased "ad infinitum."
17. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mostly my own. Some of the above people whose behavior did merit celebration also did some things that may have been dastardly (or at least misinterpreted that way). The fascists, oppressors, and other enemies of human progress.
18. Where did most of your money go?
The bulk went to pay bills and debts of the household and never actually touched my hands or even made it to my bank account. What I did get to handle went to poor dietary choices.
19. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Wild Flag --the album, the concert, the experience. In January I was excited about Portlandia, observing Spanish classes, resuming my half-assed attempts to teach myself Latin and German and going to Sunday morning mass. In August it was student teaching and being back in school. Honestly, I did not get too excited about much after 5 November. The year sort of plateaued after that.
20. What lyrics will you remember most from 2011?
Pretty much all the lyrics to Sleater-Kinney's albums One Beat (2002) and The Woods (2005). Also, the entirety of "Wild Flag" 2011). Various other songs cropped up throughout, such as songs by Morrissey ("Speedway," "Disappointed," and "Suedehead" come to mind), George Harrison ("Awaiting on You All"), songs by John Lennon (including "God" and "Happy Xmas (War is Over)")...
But if I did have to pick one line at this moment, one flash of 'clean, light hope' it would be:
"Hey hey can you feel it? The way it sways ya? The hum in you chest..."
21. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner? Thinner
b) Happier or sadder? Happier
c) Richer or poorer? Same
22. What do you wish you'd done more of?
reading, being nice, being productive, language studying, exercise, sex/physical intimacy, being kinder, being positive
23. What do you wish you'd done less of?
being insecure, being a bad friend, spending money on stuff I didn't need, sleep, being demanding, negative
24. How did/will you spend Christmas?
It began late and with a much fuller guest list. By the time the food did occur, it was still pretty good. The meat was delicious and I tried a green bean dish that was a success.
25. Which LJ/DW users did you meet IRL for the first time?
None. Although I did meet someone from OkCupid in an aborted tempt at a homosexual romance. Turns out, I probably don't like guys...or definitely not that one, anyway.
26. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No, but I was reminded of the loves I have had and the major celebrity (is she a celebrity?) crush on Carrie Brownstein. I'm sure I've said it before, but when I saw Sleater-Kinney in 2005, I saw before me the epitome of female beauty. That thought came back to min in November.
27. What was your favorite month of 2011?
I could be pithy and say April as it saw the depths of depravity and the beautifully human senses of hope and optimism. Truthfully, I didn't have a favourite month.
28. How did/will you see in the new year?
The new year begins at midnight, and I hope to be fast asleep well before then and may even turn off my phone to avoid the beautifully thoughtful (though sometimes annoying!) onslaught of new years calls and messages.
29. What was your favorite TV show?
Community and Portlandia. I was sad that Mad Men didn't air this year, but that's okay. Also, Beavis and Butthead coming back? Score.
30. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I hate no one. But I would be lying if I said I did not feel moments of bitter rage, particularly not too long ago. It has passed, as all things must
31. What were the best books you read?
I read some 33 books and they broadly fell into 2 categories --(1)following through on themes, topics, and ideas I had been wanting to pursue; (2)deepening and expanding up things I knew or reading more of authors I enjoy. One 1 book did not fall into that category (Among the Truthers by Jonathan Kay). Some of what I read was truly fantastic but a lot of it I finished more out of a sense of duty. The content was good I suppose, but the style, the writing were awful. I think that's what this journal currently suffers from. I suppose, though, there is one book that comes to mind immediately as perhaps the best of the year: The Crisis of the 1970s, by Dominic Sandbrook.
32. What was your greatest musical discovery?
To quote Destiny: "Spotify. All of it."
33. What did you want and get?
I wanted a sense of hope and purpose, to begin the credential program, and to make some sort of progress with my life. I don't know. I didn't have as many specifics as I do now. The list of wants is long for next year.
34. What did you want and not get?
Sex/intimacy of the heterosexual variety. Like, seriously. I didn't have much sexual activity this year period, but it has been a long time since I've exchanged bodily fluids with a female. In fact, it has been since April...2009. It's kind of ridiculous, to be honest.
35. What was your favorite film this year?
A tie between The Great Dictator and Midnight in Paris. Charlie Chaplin is awesome, and most of what I saw this year was pretty forgettable. As far as Midnight in Paris, I think the act of going to see it was just as significant as the film. Woody Allen is pretty amazing.
36. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
My 25th birthday was memorable in some regards. It was a Sunday and even though it was in early June, the weather was cold and wintry. There was a bit of family time and a family meal which was nice. It was followed up by an awkward and uncomfortable gathering at a friend's house. The food was great, but they were drinking. I don't think it was meant as a birthday party, but if it was, I think it was shitty to have alcohol around someone newly sober. To be fair, they might have asked about if it was ok, but I don't remember. If they did, I shouldn't have said it was okay, thus the fault is mine and not theirs. Either way, I was really a very unappreciative jerk (a recurrent theme this year and in my life I'm afraid) and it was a bit of a decisive end to a period in my life. A few movies were shown, but I don't recall much of either, as all I did was complain.
37. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Shutting my mouth and listening more. Too often I spew out negativity that nobody needs.
38. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
A movement toward clothes that fit properly. As the weight continues to be an issue, I kept wearing clothes from the pre-op days and it looked pretty ridiculous.
39. What/who kept you sane?
All the above people who merited celebration and recognition as positive influences in my life this past year. Thank you.
40. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Well, again, I don't know if she is a celebrity (what does constitute one?) but it is Carrie Brownstein, hands-down.
41. Which political issue stirred you the most?
Whenever I engaged in politics this year, it stirred me. There was much sadness and anger. At one point in the fall, it seemed all I did was tweet about fascism here in America. It became apparent once more how unworldly I am and perhaps may be for the indeterminable future. That has got to change, and in order to change that I need to get more involved.
42. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
A good opportunity to quote another song: " If you open up your heart / You will know what I mean / We've been polluted so long / Now heres a way for you to get clean"
43. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn't have in 2011?
Probably fulfilling number 34. But I'm not holding my breathe. I just want to be open to whatever experiences that can and will happen.