an exercise in restraint?
This is to be my first lj entry typed up on my smart phone. I am not sure how to feel about that to tell the truth. It is a rather strange experience and not much else can be said in that regard.
I have had The Smiths and Morrissey on my mind. I have also been thinking of late era Jefferson Airplane. I have those wistful fall feelings that truly only come when the leaves change colour and the sun shines markedly less. Fall is here and the first bits of rain are expected to fall this week. I am uncertain as to how I feel about all of this.
Right now, it seems that many things are changing. I do not know to the extent that I am a social animal, but I certainly am one to a large extent.
My relationships are all in flux. It began with Elisa returning all too briefly. I had forgotten how beautiful and attractive she is. She is fascinating and I wish I had spent more time with her. But she is gone now, she is gone to Japan where she will be teaching English at least until March of next year.
So it goes. She is but one of many friends that simply make their dreams come true: Alpo is in Africa; Beeg is in SF; Wes may not always be happy as a teacher, but he finds ways to challenge himself and to grow; Josh and Anthony may not necessarily like where they are at, but they genuinely seem to enjoy life; Zach also may not be where he wanted to be at this point, but progress has been made and after he talking to him last night he sounds hopeful for the first time in years; I could probably increase the list ad inifnitum.
I am not sure even where I want to be at this point. I am not sure I have ever made the right choices for the right reasons. All the people I mentioned thus far are either doing what they want or are happy. I am not sure where I am or where I want to be. Truly the only other person I know of and am currently close to that feels remotely similar at all is Gail. I wish I knew what to do in life. Maybe it will become clear soon...?
I have had The Smiths and Morrissey on my mind. I have also been thinking of late era Jefferson Airplane. I have those wistful fall feelings that truly only come when the leaves change colour and the sun shines markedly less. Fall is here and the first bits of rain are expected to fall this week. I am uncertain as to how I feel about all of this.
Right now, it seems that many things are changing. I do not know to the extent that I am a social animal, but I certainly am one to a large extent.
My relationships are all in flux. It began with Elisa returning all too briefly. I had forgotten how beautiful and attractive she is. She is fascinating and I wish I had spent more time with her. But she is gone now, she is gone to Japan where she will be teaching English at least until March of next year.
So it goes. She is but one of many friends that simply make their dreams come true: Alpo is in Africa; Beeg is in SF; Wes may not always be happy as a teacher, but he finds ways to challenge himself and to grow; Josh and Anthony may not necessarily like where they are at, but they genuinely seem to enjoy life; Zach also may not be where he wanted to be at this point, but progress has been made and after he talking to him last night he sounds hopeful for the first time in years; I could probably increase the list ad inifnitum.
I am not sure even where I want to be at this point. I am not sure I have ever made the right choices for the right reasons. All the people I mentioned thus far are either doing what they want or are happy. I am not sure where I am or where I want to be. Truly the only other person I know of and am currently close to that feels remotely similar at all is Gail. I wish I knew what to do in life. Maybe it will become clear soon...?