one of life's finer moments
I smoked my first ever cigar tonight. It was a Cuban. It was delightful; however, I do believe I may prefer cigarettes. Or, perhaps, I simply do not know how to enjoy life or any of the finer things it has to offer.
My tastes are quite unrefined nowadays. There was a point in time where I was far more snobbish and cared more about how I looked and what I consumed. True, I still consumed shit, but I at least mentally flogged myself for doing such. Currently, I tend to revel in shit. To do as I am prone to doing and quote a musical artist I care about deeply: I have become, Comfortably Numb #floyd #lyrics Or, to quote the poet for all ages, I used to care, but, things have changed #dylan #lyrics
I just feel so unrefined. It came up on multiple occasions today, as well. For instance, my sister and the cashier at Victoria's Secret thought I was tsking at my sister for using a reusable bag. Back in Santa Cruz, all I would do was use reusable bags. Now, now my life is covered in plastic. Also, ever since I started drinking legally back in '07, I've realised that I tend to be cash-based. I hardly ever use my debit card anymore. Why is that?
How have I become so unrefined? I used to care. I used to be a pretentious prick who actually got his dick wet by something other than his own semen. I wasn't happier then. In fact, I would say I am somewhat happier. But, that would also be a lie. I'm no better off now than I was 4 years ago. In fact, in some regards, I was way better off 4 years ago, what with a job, a girlfriend, and being a UC student and being fat smoker and drinker. Now what am I?
I'm jobless, girlfriend-less, not a student this semester, and just as heavy. I still smoke. And, if I could, I would still probably be drinking excessively. You know, so, much has changed and so has very little.
I guess what I'm saying is that I need to think in the long-term. I never have and almost never will. Why? Because I prefer pleasure today, regardless of the consequences tomorrow. The consequences will be felt soon enough.
But for now, I'm going to bask in the fact that I smoked 3 things today (marijuana, cigarettes, and a Cuban cigar). I'm going to bask in the fact that I put ketchup (yes, ketchup) on my calamari.
And you know what? I hate myself for it. But at this precise moment, the love is surpassing the hate. Thus, I can conclude at this particular moment that I like me. No, I love me. I love me, warts and all.
My tastes are quite unrefined nowadays. There was a point in time where I was far more snobbish and cared more about how I looked and what I consumed. True, I still consumed shit, but I at least mentally flogged myself for doing such. Currently, I tend to revel in shit. To do as I am prone to doing and quote a musical artist I care about deeply: I have become, Comfortably Numb #floyd #lyrics Or, to quote the poet for all ages, I used to care, but, things have changed #dylan #lyrics
I just feel so unrefined. It came up on multiple occasions today, as well. For instance, my sister and the cashier at Victoria's Secret thought I was tsking at my sister for using a reusable bag. Back in Santa Cruz, all I would do was use reusable bags. Now, now my life is covered in plastic. Also, ever since I started drinking legally back in '07, I've realised that I tend to be cash-based. I hardly ever use my debit card anymore. Why is that?
How have I become so unrefined? I used to care. I used to be a pretentious prick who actually got his dick wet by something other than his own semen. I wasn't happier then. In fact, I would say I am somewhat happier. But, that would also be a lie. I'm no better off now than I was 4 years ago. In fact, in some regards, I was way better off 4 years ago, what with a job, a girlfriend, and being a UC student and being fat smoker and drinker. Now what am I?
I'm jobless, girlfriend-less, not a student this semester, and just as heavy. I still smoke. And, if I could, I would still probably be drinking excessively. You know, so, much has changed and so has very little.
I guess what I'm saying is that I need to think in the long-term. I never have and almost never will. Why? Because I prefer pleasure today, regardless of the consequences tomorrow. The consequences will be felt soon enough.
But for now, I'm going to bask in the fact that I smoked 3 things today (marijuana, cigarettes, and a Cuban cigar). I'm going to bask in the fact that I put ketchup (yes, ketchup) on my calamari.
And you know what? I hate myself for it. But at this precise moment, the love is surpassing the hate. Thus, I can conclude at this particular moment that I like me. No, I love me. I love me, warts and all.