Depressed
I can't pretend to be okay with this anymore. My first preference did not offer me a place in the early round offers, and I am depressed as all hell. Karl took me out to celebrate the fact I got into uni on Sunday, but I just couldn't help feeling that I shouldn't be congratulated or proud. I wasn't offered a place at my university of choice, sure I know that 80% of offers are made in the first round in January, but I am almost certain now that I will not get into the university of my dreams. The university I moved to Melbourne for does not want me. Now, I am stuck with a university that I know nothing about, and that I am not prepared for. Now, I have to walk around telling everyone how I don't care that I didn't get my first preference, when really I feel like a fucking embarrassing fuck-up, failure, moron who who shouldn't have aimed so high.
I just think If they didn't offer me a position in the early round they mustn't want me at all and I shouldn't hold out for an offer in January.
* Edit: This all seems very dramatic I know. But when you compare the quality and range of choice in the subjects of my first preference with the uni I got into you would feel depressed too. I have chewed all my fingernails off, I am having gallstone attacks every night (which means I am dosed up on painkillers) and I am breaking out. I wanted my first preference. Instead I have failed my family, disappointed Karl and every one will be laughing when they fins out I am not as smart as they thought I was.
I just think If they didn't offer me a position in the early round they mustn't want me at all and I shouldn't hold out for an offer in January.
* Edit: This all seems very dramatic I know. But when you compare the quality and range of choice in the subjects of my first preference with the uni I got into you would feel depressed too. I have chewed all my fingernails off, I am having gallstone attacks every night (which means I am dosed up on painkillers) and I am breaking out. I wanted my first preference. Instead I have failed my family, disappointed Karl and every one will be laughing when they fins out I am not as smart as they thought I was.