What does it all mean?
How does it happen? How did I make a change? What caused it?
Last week, instead of the time I spend watching pornography, I watched anime on a regular schedule. The odd thing about it is that I look forward to seeing the anime much much more. I started watching Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien this week. I'll just say that since I started, watching has become my favourite part of the day,
[and I don't particularly miss pornography.]
[But there's still the question of whether this lack of stimulation at this point in my life will cause me to develop prostate cancer............
Whatev.]
Seeing these stories before my eyes makes me want to apply the same things in my life. No matter how stupid or crazy, I feel like my life would be more interesting if I forcibly inject this fiction-inspired drama into it. This particular story made me start to think of my "romantic" relationships.
I remember at Sarah what's-her-name's birthday party in 8th grade, her, Chris E. and I somehow got on the subject of "when do you think you will lose your virginity?" They both said some number in their teens. And my answer was, "Never." "I never plan on losing my virginity." Then they kept prodding me in some sort of disbelief and eventually I gave in and said, "eighteen." But I didn't mean it. (Even then, while I was supposedly in a relationship with Amber, I held a firm belief that avoiding any kind of sexual activity would make me a better person.)
Like you said... we live life trying to undo the habits that were ingrained into us in youth. [Really, the habits I ingrained into myself.] Almost fifteen years have passed and, although I am much more accepting of it, sex is not a priority on my to-do list.
What was the furthest I've gotten in a relationship with a girl? Tell it to me straight!:
I've had what I believed to be the most awesome, intimate conversations about life and what it all means. We shared good times and bad times. When we saw each other we hugged. We never kissed, never groped, never had sex. There was one time when she asked me to have sex with her, and I pretty much gave her all the reasons why it would be a bad idea. I wanted to, but logic steered me away.
But, honestly, I'm not sure if that even was a relationship. It was just a good friendship.
(.. and for some reason I had to boast that it was a relationship.)
So, what does it all mean? It means, that if I'm interested in something, I will pursue it, and if I'm not interested in something, I will not pursue it.
That being said, I have already set my priorities in a better order. I'm studying Japanese probably more than ever, now, and enjoying it at the same time.
So, I can check that off my list.... What's next!?
Last week, instead of the time I spend watching pornography, I watched anime on a regular schedule. The odd thing about it is that I look forward to seeing the anime much much more. I started watching Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien this week. I'll just say that since I started, watching has become my favourite part of the day,
[and I don't particularly miss pornography.]
[But there's still the question of whether this lack of stimulation at this point in my life will cause me to develop prostate cancer............
Whatev.]
Seeing these stories before my eyes makes me want to apply the same things in my life. No matter how stupid or crazy, I feel like my life would be more interesting if I forcibly inject this fiction-inspired drama into it. This particular story made me start to think of my "romantic" relationships.
I remember at Sarah what's-her-name's birthday party in 8th grade, her, Chris E. and I somehow got on the subject of "when do you think you will lose your virginity?" They both said some number in their teens. And my answer was, "Never." "I never plan on losing my virginity." Then they kept prodding me in some sort of disbelief and eventually I gave in and said, "eighteen." But I didn't mean it. (Even then, while I was supposedly in a relationship with Amber, I held a firm belief that avoiding any kind of sexual activity would make me a better person.)
Like you said... we live life trying to undo the habits that were ingrained into us in youth. [Really, the habits I ingrained into myself.] Almost fifteen years have passed and, although I am much more accepting of it, sex is not a priority on my to-do list.
What was the furthest I've gotten in a relationship with a girl? Tell it to me straight!:
I've had what I believed to be the most awesome, intimate conversations about life and what it all means. We shared good times and bad times. When we saw each other we hugged. We never kissed, never groped, never had sex. There was one time when she asked me to have sex with her, and I pretty much gave her all the reasons why it would be a bad idea. I wanted to, but logic steered me away.
But, honestly, I'm not sure if that even was a relationship. It was just a good friendship.
(.. and for some reason I had to boast that it was a relationship.)
So, what does it all mean? It means, that if I'm interested in something, I will pursue it, and if I'm not interested in something, I will not pursue it.
That being said, I have already set my priorities in a better order. I'm studying Japanese probably more than ever, now, and enjoying it at the same time.
So, I can check that off my list.... What's next!?