(no subject)
Another round of letting go of something i thought there was hope for.
I'm in the process of dying...
And trying to heal myself from that.
Trying to let go of whatever dreams i once held on so long for...
Trying to stop staying up in bed every night/morning thinking abt... well.. him of course...
At times like this, the greatest refuge is seeking tt peace of mind from reading...
Do you know that Buddhists are one of the happiest people in the world? :)
"You know what the Buddhists say? Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent." - Tuesdays with Morrie
I still believe in fighting for and cherishing what you do have... but if there's really no hope then... I shan't cling. :)
"Take any emotion--love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. if you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the gried. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails."
Oh and btw.. my Panasonic hp is spoilt... so i got myself a new Nokia 7360 this evening.. a phone i'd been eyeing for damn long but couldn't get cuz i already had a phone... it was a heartbreaking $157 but it's worth it :) I'd die without my hp!!! Haha ok figuratively lah... i wonder when i can actually let go of all these things and maybe be a nun haha. Maybe after i've experienced enough of the real world. :S Don't laugh, i'm serious ok. Well of course i can never say for sure, but i'd not rule it out as a possibility. :)
Anywayy. I've lost many things recently. My student pass.. my cupboard key.. i can't go to warren and swim/eat/use the gym/studyroom etc now cuz i lost the card... argh. And i wonder if my hp spoiling is a sign. Memories in it are lost... pictures, msgs, voice recordings... Haha yaaaaaaaaaaaa right la what sign. My life has been screwing up so badly and the stupid fucking workload and the stupid supervisor and almost everything is just sucky.
I should apologise for being so unfriendly lately... sigh.. i guess i'm rather disappointing.. but i can't help it.
Should end this entry now. nite~
(PS. Well on a sidenote, saturday was a pretty good day. :) But 'twas a big dig into my wallet. Sigh. The problem with retail therapy. Lol.)