(no subject)
kissmyrzrblade
It's kind of like remembering your childhood. I've always been horrible with metaphors. But i remember when I was small. Playing hide and seek down my street. Water balloon fights. Eating vanilla icing in the middle of the night with Megan. Naivety. Hot sand at the beach. The days where the worst thing you'd have to worry about was a scraped knee. Everything was simple.
I have never seen simplicity as a positive thing. Unless you're ignorant to everything but simplicity. You have nothing to compare it to. If you've never had candy before, you still think fruit is the best thing that's ever happened. If you've never fell in love before, being alone makes you just as happy.
But once you taste that first piece of candy, everything's different.
Sometimes you'll get cavities and it hurts worse than anything you could possibly imagine. You know that if you never had that first piece of candy none of this would have happened. But at the same time, if you never took the chance and stuck that first piece in your mouth you wouldn't know how good it tastes. You can still remember how good fruit tasted, but you can't imagine giving up candy for fruit. That would be ridiculous. Understand?
Fuck boys. Fuck boys. Make sure you fuck them over before they fuck you. Be completely fake, don't let them know anything real about you. Disregard them completely and only let them in your life when you have time. This works perfectly when you've never been in love. You don't have a desire to care for anyone when you don't know how it feels to be cared in return. And sincerely. Surface happiness isn't the same. But once you take a chance, let them know a little... And they like it? And you like it. It makes sense to open up more. And they care. You know they care. And sincerely. And most importantly, you care back. The best feeling in the world is to know, not only believe, but know that you'd do anything for one person and they'd do anything for you. To know they'll be there whenever you need it, they'd drop anything for you. Which makes you want to do the same. Makes you want to let your gaurd down.
You can still remember the times where you'd laugh with your friends about how stupid love was. How pointless it was. You can still remember how ignorant you were. You can't judge anything if you've never felt it. But to a group of girls who think they're invincible, the rules don't seem to apply to them. Until you open yourself up and feel it for yourself. Kind of like one of those things you look back on when your 40 and laugh and say "Ahh, what was i thinking." When you finally realize what a child you were. And are.
I think my problem is i'm trying to grow up too fast and maybe I'm not ready for something like that. But thats what teenagers do. They strive to be adults.
I'm getting off-track.
The point is: When you let go of your fantasy world that you made out to be perfect and realize you're not the only one that's on this planet, not the only one who has feelings and you have the ability to alter those feelings, you wouldn't give anything to change it. It's a lot more work than you thought it was. A lot more cavities than you thought, but the candy tastes twice was good when it's real. And when you feel, sincerely. When you stop being fake.
I am afraid.
Of losing this feeling. For one, I don't think I'm ready to let go. And for two, i know I won't ever feel differently. Things aren't the way I made them in my head. Reality is ten times harder, but ten times better. Can't have the yin without the yang. Black without white, etc... I don't need anyone telling me how much this is different and how much I've changed, and how this is so unlike me, cause trust me, i know. Ignorance is bliss. But reality is better.
My feelings are sometimes indescribable. It's hard to explain a color if you've never seen that shade before.
I fell in love.
And he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
And I'm not about to let that change.
And that is how I feel.
It's kind of like remembering your childhood. I've always been horrible with metaphors. But i remember when I was small. Playing hide and seek down my street. Water balloon fights. Eating vanilla icing in the middle of the night with Megan. Naivety. Hot sand at the beach. The days where the worst thing you'd have to worry about was a scraped knee. Everything was simple.
I have never seen simplicity as a positive thing. Unless you're ignorant to everything but simplicity. You have nothing to compare it to. If you've never had candy before, you still think fruit is the best thing that's ever happened. If you've never fell in love before, being alone makes you just as happy.
But once you taste that first piece of candy, everything's different.
Sometimes you'll get cavities and it hurts worse than anything you could possibly imagine. You know that if you never had that first piece of candy none of this would have happened. But at the same time, if you never took the chance and stuck that first piece in your mouth you wouldn't know how good it tastes. You can still remember how good fruit tasted, but you can't imagine giving up candy for fruit. That would be ridiculous. Understand?
Fuck boys. Fuck boys. Make sure you fuck them over before they fuck you. Be completely fake, don't let them know anything real about you. Disregard them completely and only let them in your life when you have time. This works perfectly when you've never been in love. You don't have a desire to care for anyone when you don't know how it feels to be cared in return. And sincerely. Surface happiness isn't the same. But once you take a chance, let them know a little... And they like it? And you like it. It makes sense to open up more. And they care. You know they care. And sincerely. And most importantly, you care back. The best feeling in the world is to know, not only believe, but know that you'd do anything for one person and they'd do anything for you. To know they'll be there whenever you need it, they'd drop anything for you. Which makes you want to do the same. Makes you want to let your gaurd down.
You can still remember the times where you'd laugh with your friends about how stupid love was. How pointless it was. You can still remember how ignorant you were. You can't judge anything if you've never felt it. But to a group of girls who think they're invincible, the rules don't seem to apply to them. Until you open yourself up and feel it for yourself. Kind of like one of those things you look back on when your 40 and laugh and say "Ahh, what was i thinking." When you finally realize what a child you were. And are.
I think my problem is i'm trying to grow up too fast and maybe I'm not ready for something like that. But thats what teenagers do. They strive to be adults.
I'm getting off-track.
The point is: When you let go of your fantasy world that you made out to be perfect and realize you're not the only one that's on this planet, not the only one who has feelings and you have the ability to alter those feelings, you wouldn't give anything to change it. It's a lot more work than you thought it was. A lot more cavities than you thought, but the candy tastes twice was good when it's real. And when you feel, sincerely. When you stop being fake.
I am afraid.
Of losing this feeling. For one, I don't think I'm ready to let go. And for two, i know I won't ever feel differently. Things aren't the way I made them in my head. Reality is ten times harder, but ten times better. Can't have the yin without the yang. Black without white, etc... I don't need anyone telling me how much this is different and how much I've changed, and how this is so unlike me, cause trust me, i know. Ignorance is bliss. But reality is better.
My feelings are sometimes indescribable. It's hard to explain a color if you've never seen that shade before.
I fell in love.
And he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
And I'm not about to let that change.
And that is how I feel.