(no subject)
and they're screaming. and she's walking. over hills and through gates. and here at the drug house. an early night. cereal in mugs. and blanketed couches. and here at the drug house. out. back to the most basic feelings. those easiest to learn, but hardest to practice. what a tease. and what a skeptic. and how typical. yeah, typical. rushing back to then. her legs at his sides. and she kissed him. slipping through space. and not worried in the least that she'll fall through.
[Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.] And that’s life. Move. Eat your food. Chew. Swallow. [Don’t cry.] Don’t think. Eat your food. Don’t want. Just chew. Swallow. No memories but… /razorblades. / cut. Cut. Cut the flesh away. Liquid red lace. Watch it fall. Watch it fall. Such a perfect pain. But [don’t cry]. Your throat. Your knotted throat. That burning throat. DON’T…CRY. Wipe the blood away. Get dressed. Put on that disguise. Right out your room. / memories / find the bottle. What a silly game. Flip off the cap. Restless. Oh so restless. Scratch your arm. Right through to your pain. And the blood. It’s bleeding through. Just don’t cry. Please don’t cry. And let them bleed. Pour the bottle. Pink. And swallow. One.two.three.four…and loses count. Back to your room. Through the living room. / .invisible. / don’t cry and you’ll stay invisible. And back to your room. And / razorblades / cut.cut.cut. and / memories / …just DON’T…cry. Such a knotted throat. Invisible. Invisible. Please stop crying. Such a tragic pain. Please? Scream. [someone save her now.] no one can save her now. And that’s life. So the voice exclaims [out loud], “we’ve missed you.”
And the voice pleads, "just listen to me." No never again. And that stride. A comfort now. So demanding, right in front of the other. Through the streets her stride. Powerful. And she steps. step one. two. and three. Opal eyes. Distracted. This....distraction NO not that. a boy. and a slip up. she trips. quick quick. look. but ever so discreetly. and her secrets safe. but those accusing eyes. her throat. that knot. caught. a stand still. dont move. shh. smile on the inside. wipe it away. but its useless. and she's a fuck up. and she's transparent [to him]. right through to her [heart] soul.... but she's never had faith. BEAT BEAT BEAT. don't let him hear. broken. he breaks her. destroys her ideal front. [but she was invincible]. what a child now. alone. awkward. afraid. STOP IT MALLORY. / .switch. [on] / Cause if I stop listening to that voice inside my head, I just might destroy you. straight through [to your heart] your chest and a stab in the back. hold it against me. because your beautiful. and wouldn't you love it... wouldn't I love it. to touch you. run my hands / .against you. / what a selfish plead. but just tell me one last time? just say it again. But I just might destroy you. And announce it to the world. "I kept my heart whole." And you could be my everything. And you could be the end of me. I just wish i didn't believe you. And I wish you. [tell me one last time] So eager to please. So unlike her. Just don't let her down. And break your promises. Cause i just might destroy me. And the voice cries [to you], "just try it for me."
Care. / It's not something that is practiced. / It's something that is used. / Against me. / So just sit back and relax. / Cause I'm my worst enemy. / And me. / I'd use this weapon against me. / Watch me ruin this serenity. /And it's crushed./To dust. / Then blown away. / And I won't sleep. / So I won't dream. / Of YOU against me. / Would I be too bold / To hold my sign to your face. / "I hate you." / Cause the bottle is waiting. / The caps flipped off. / And these tools that are used. / Have been hard to ignore. / When you find me in flames. / Leave me there. / Just say you'll leave me there. / But if I promise for a long time. / Would you be my medicine? / My long awaited heroin? / Make a promise to forget me. / And we can erase this past. / We will erase this past. Just swear to me one thing. / And break your promises. / Cause if i stop listening to that voice inside my head / I just might destroy me. you.
And the voice cries, "as long as you carry me away." and drifts into sleep. serenity. useless questions. pointless answers. but everything makes sense. perfectly. a walk through a tunnel with no light at the end. this perfect walk. and holding hands. blinded in the dark. her stride. invisible. and so he says, "lean into me." and so she does. skin against skin. what a perfect world she dreams in. so sensual. emotional. let him take her away. let this tunnel never end. let this stride stay unseen. and this will stay the perfect love story. just let it. but in wake. remove me from this fantasy. these dreams that keep her from [logical reasoning]. a walk through the neighborhood. her stride. it's real. and so she says, "scream into me." and so he does. fists against flesh. serenity. this could be love [for violence]. this could be passion [for pain]. this could be real. to feel. and to... quit dreaming. an added luxury. and to quit sleeping. he'll never find me now. and so she celebrates her twisted victory. this could be love [for heartbreak]. and the voice pleads, "just listen to me."
And the voice cries, “crawl out”. Here she is again. The same position as before. Different time, place. But still the same. Shadows are invisible in the night. The streetlights buzz. White. Yellow. White. She’s indecisive. Pacing up, and down. Her stride carries louder than her scream. And she’d scream forever if she could. Let loose. But she’ll wait until they shut off the light. It’s still buzzing. Orange, no yellow. Does it really matter? No. nothing REALLY. Impatience overrides her. That whisper flicks the back of her mind. [I’ll keep you safe.] Swat it away. But she’s indecisive. Keep it there. Just in case. The buzzing’s getting louder. Annoying. She’s indecisive and impatient. And then… that bubbling noise. All motor skills are delayed. She freezes. Her heart. A million miles an hour. And MOVE. She gets into the car. They drive away. One thing and then the other. 1,2,3. In a sequence. White, yellow, white. Keep the rhythm. Smoke this. Okay. Just fake it and smile. Smile and nod. They’ll never guess she’s just part of a million pieces. Ignorance is bliss. Or maybe she’s just good at hiding it. A good liar. A perfect fake. NO. shut up. Move on. Hugging is friendly. Holding onto someone is for forever. Eternity. Never promise an eternity. Just do it. So intimate. So close. If it weren’t for this glass wall. That mirror I see the boy in. but he’s not corrupt. It’s just a memory. Nothing more. Under the covers. All warm. What happens under there anyway? Keep it quiet. Shah. Taboo. It’s nothing romantic. But she’s not the flower and candy type. But there’s something. Something. Lust? And the voice whispers. Shhh… listen for it… damn this noise. But they can’t help it. Passion. An embrace and she has time to listen. Embrace. What a silly romantic word. By the way, the whisper’s disappeared. And the noise. So beautiful and perfect. Such passion. This is nice. There is no happy ending. No matter. Happy endings are fantasy. Fake. Fakers. Fuck them. Yeah. This is inappropriate for the mood. Crawl out. Panic. Crawl out. Sequence is destroyed. White light. Yellow light. Quick. Quick. And the voice cries, “as long as you carry me away.”
there you are. she is. perfectly angled, a soft glance. fragile. that delicate frame. slender. absolete. prey? never. just watch the way her legs stride, [you can tell] one right in front of the other. and repeat. and repeat. self improvement is not mandatory. bullshit. no one would dare try her. the stride is self explanatory. fragile right? right. delicate as fed ex. handle with care. but only in consideration. its shattered. she's very shattered. a million pieces. all delicate as fed ex. but thats unnecessary. she's content. away from reality. listen to the music. FEEL. oh, it's been so long, to feel. and it's good. the music. empowering. a trance. thats what it does. so don't move. just feel. mmmmm... and liquify. melt into nothingness, into something new, [she's falling through]. no, that never happens. and a voice stirs. a whisper. so bold. demanding. and so, delicate. it floats. she ignores it. she cant be bothered now. its empowering. almost like.... Whats this world he puts her in? so far away from the reality. just to feel. she's delicate. unsure. curious. innocent. this can't be right. he keeps her here. entranced, she doesn't fight back. she'd do anything just to. just to. feel. this is all so perfect. perfection. its empowering. and then the whisper. louder. louder. and, no. it goes away. gone. goodbye. what does it say? no matter. and so she just, ... feels. empowering. what next in this little world? this little world he puts her in. and he's the god. but she's never had faith. where is this? so excluded. she's not afraid. this can't be real. and the voice screams [to you], "crawl out."
[Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.] And that’s life. Move. Eat your food. Chew. Swallow. [Don’t cry.] Don’t think. Eat your food. Don’t want. Just chew. Swallow. No memories but… /razorblades. / cut. Cut. Cut the flesh away. Liquid red lace. Watch it fall. Watch it fall. Such a perfect pain. But [don’t cry]. Your throat. Your knotted throat. That burning throat. DON’T…CRY. Wipe the blood away. Get dressed. Put on that disguise. Right out your room. / memories / find the bottle. What a silly game. Flip off the cap. Restless. Oh so restless. Scratch your arm. Right through to your pain. And the blood. It’s bleeding through. Just don’t cry. Please don’t cry. And let them bleed. Pour the bottle. Pink. And swallow. One.two.three.four…and loses count. Back to your room. Through the living room. / .invisible. / don’t cry and you’ll stay invisible. And back to your room. And / razorblades / cut.cut.cut. and / memories / …just DON’T…cry. Such a knotted throat. Invisible. Invisible. Please stop crying. Such a tragic pain. Please? Scream. [someone save her now.] no one can save her now. And that’s life. So the voice exclaims [out loud], “we’ve missed you.”
And the voice pleads, "just listen to me." No never again. And that stride. A comfort now. So demanding, right in front of the other. Through the streets her stride. Powerful. And she steps. step one. two. and three. Opal eyes. Distracted. This....distraction NO not that. a boy. and a slip up. she trips. quick quick. look. but ever so discreetly. and her secrets safe. but those accusing eyes. her throat. that knot. caught. a stand still. dont move. shh. smile on the inside. wipe it away. but its useless. and she's a fuck up. and she's transparent [to him]. right through to her [heart] soul.... but she's never had faith. BEAT BEAT BEAT. don't let him hear. broken. he breaks her. destroys her ideal front. [but she was invincible]. what a child now. alone. awkward. afraid. STOP IT MALLORY. / .switch. [on] / Cause if I stop listening to that voice inside my head, I just might destroy you. straight through [to your heart] your chest and a stab in the back. hold it against me. because your beautiful. and wouldn't you love it... wouldn't I love it. to touch you. run my hands / .against you. / what a selfish plead. but just tell me one last time? just say it again. But I just might destroy you. And announce it to the world. "I kept my heart whole." And you could be my everything. And you could be the end of me. I just wish i didn't believe you. And I wish you. [tell me one last time] So eager to please. So unlike her. Just don't let her down. And break your promises. Cause i just might destroy me. And the voice cries [to you], "just try it for me."
Care. / It's not something that is practiced. / It's something that is used. / Against me. / So just sit back and relax. / Cause I'm my worst enemy. / And me. / I'd use this weapon against me. / Watch me ruin this serenity. /And it's crushed./To dust. / Then blown away. / And I won't sleep. / So I won't dream. / Of YOU against me. / Would I be too bold / To hold my sign to your face. / "I hate you." / Cause the bottle is waiting. / The caps flipped off. / And these tools that are used. / Have been hard to ignore. / When you find me in flames. / Leave me there. / Just say you'll leave me there. / But if I promise for a long time. / Would you be my medicine? / My long awaited heroin? / Make a promise to forget me. / And we can erase this past. / We will erase this past. Just swear to me one thing. / And break your promises. / Cause if i stop listening to that voice inside my head / I just might destroy me. you.
And the voice cries, "as long as you carry me away." and drifts into sleep. serenity. useless questions. pointless answers. but everything makes sense. perfectly. a walk through a tunnel with no light at the end. this perfect walk. and holding hands. blinded in the dark. her stride. invisible. and so he says, "lean into me." and so she does. skin against skin. what a perfect world she dreams in. so sensual. emotional. let him take her away. let this tunnel never end. let this stride stay unseen. and this will stay the perfect love story. just let it. but in wake. remove me from this fantasy. these dreams that keep her from [logical reasoning]. a walk through the neighborhood. her stride. it's real. and so she says, "scream into me." and so he does. fists against flesh. serenity. this could be love [for violence]. this could be passion [for pain]. this could be real. to feel. and to... quit dreaming. an added luxury. and to quit sleeping. he'll never find me now. and so she celebrates her twisted victory. this could be love [for heartbreak]. and the voice pleads, "just listen to me."
And the voice cries, “crawl out”. Here she is again. The same position as before. Different time, place. But still the same. Shadows are invisible in the night. The streetlights buzz. White. Yellow. White. She’s indecisive. Pacing up, and down. Her stride carries louder than her scream. And she’d scream forever if she could. Let loose. But she’ll wait until they shut off the light. It’s still buzzing. Orange, no yellow. Does it really matter? No. nothing REALLY. Impatience overrides her. That whisper flicks the back of her mind. [I’ll keep you safe.] Swat it away. But she’s indecisive. Keep it there. Just in case. The buzzing’s getting louder. Annoying. She’s indecisive and impatient. And then… that bubbling noise. All motor skills are delayed. She freezes. Her heart. A million miles an hour. And MOVE. She gets into the car. They drive away. One thing and then the other. 1,2,3. In a sequence. White, yellow, white. Keep the rhythm. Smoke this. Okay. Just fake it and smile. Smile and nod. They’ll never guess she’s just part of a million pieces. Ignorance is bliss. Or maybe she’s just good at hiding it. A good liar. A perfect fake. NO. shut up. Move on. Hugging is friendly. Holding onto someone is for forever. Eternity. Never promise an eternity. Just do it. So intimate. So close. If it weren’t for this glass wall. That mirror I see the boy in. but he’s not corrupt. It’s just a memory. Nothing more. Under the covers. All warm. What happens under there anyway? Keep it quiet. Shah. Taboo. It’s nothing romantic. But she’s not the flower and candy type. But there’s something. Something. Lust? And the voice whispers. Shhh… listen for it… damn this noise. But they can’t help it. Passion. An embrace and she has time to listen. Embrace. What a silly romantic word. By the way, the whisper’s disappeared. And the noise. So beautiful and perfect. Such passion. This is nice. There is no happy ending. No matter. Happy endings are fantasy. Fake. Fakers. Fuck them. Yeah. This is inappropriate for the mood. Crawl out. Panic. Crawl out. Sequence is destroyed. White light. Yellow light. Quick. Quick. And the voice cries, “as long as you carry me away.”
there you are. she is. perfectly angled, a soft glance. fragile. that delicate frame. slender. absolete. prey? never. just watch the way her legs stride, [you can tell] one right in front of the other. and repeat. and repeat. self improvement is not mandatory. bullshit. no one would dare try her. the stride is self explanatory. fragile right? right. delicate as fed ex. handle with care. but only in consideration. its shattered. she's very shattered. a million pieces. all delicate as fed ex. but thats unnecessary. she's content. away from reality. listen to the music. FEEL. oh, it's been so long, to feel. and it's good. the music. empowering. a trance. thats what it does. so don't move. just feel. mmmmm... and liquify. melt into nothingness, into something new, [she's falling through]. no, that never happens. and a voice stirs. a whisper. so bold. demanding. and so, delicate. it floats. she ignores it. she cant be bothered now. its empowering. almost like.... Whats this world he puts her in? so far away from the reality. just to feel. she's delicate. unsure. curious. innocent. this can't be right. he keeps her here. entranced, she doesn't fight back. she'd do anything just to. just to. feel. this is all so perfect. perfection. its empowering. and then the whisper. louder. louder. and, no. it goes away. gone. goodbye. what does it say? no matter. and so she just, ... feels. empowering. what next in this little world? this little world he puts her in. and he's the god. but she's never had faith. where is this? so excluded. she's not afraid. this can't be real. and the voice screams [to you], "crawl out."