The extracurriculars of heartbroken girls.
Limbo.
I feel okay. Not the fantastic, exceptionally "a-ok" or even the "eh", not especially thrilled eh. Just okay. Okay meaning stable, semi-satisfied, self-suficent. I'd prefer some things, I'm grateful for others. I hate that you think that he only wants to be around because I'm availble. But maybe I'm in denial- I'm avoiding certain signs for desperate signs of sincerity, of compassion. Am I falling for fake tricks? Would my friendship fall away if I crossed that imaginary line he keeps looking at? I know, he's only there now that Mikey's gone. I know, those late nights things feel blurry- But when I see things clearly I couldn't make up my mind if my life depended on it. I wish the world didn't believe in hidden-intentions, alterior motives. I wish that I didnt feel the need to feel pretty around him. Everyone who wants me came at the wrong time, with a crooked smile.
I didnt want you Dan, even when you told everyone how much you liked me. I had my chance, and I didnt want it.
I didn't want you Drew, you were under the defintion of rebound. You were the cutest boy in the room. You were the only one who didnt seem to fly to me instantly. and the second you started flying I ran away. I used every tatic to let you know you weren't good enough.
I dont want you Senior-Stalker Boy. I didnt want you, two good guy friends with whom send me signals. I didnt even really want you Miguel- and I'm glad our date never worked out. Because after a kiss in my basement, I would have discarded you like the others.
Maybe I'll end up a widow, but at I dont want collections of broken hearts in my closet. I'd rather break an ego than destroy a personality. I'm not conceited anymore, I still see whats really in the mirror. You are all the blind ones, mistaking my loud laugh for something special. And maybe- maybe I'm just seeing everyone, including myself through skeptical eyes- but the one person to prove me wrong about humanity just proved me right.