family?
its really hard to understand what family is supposed to be, when your own family is absolutely meaningless. i'm supposed to start a family of my own, sooner rather than later, and i have no guide book on how to do that.
i can't even hold a romantic relationship together. its really depressing. after this weekend, i'm at the point of pretty much cutting of all relations to my blood relatives, excluding my mother, although I'm desperately wanting to move away again. Even she needs to be kept at a great distance in order for us to get along.
there's no way to explain or detail what happened, there's too much history that would need to be laid down, but its always just an accumulation of bad feelings and selfishness that is kept up inside, that suddenly explodes. and its definitely passed on to me. there's not one of our family members who acts differently. Each of us is exactly the same, and its horrible.
i've been reading my bible a little, searching for some type of help as to what is right to do in this situation. i'm told to be forgiving and patient and help them seek God, who will change their heart, if they allow him into their lives, but i honestly don't see any possible way of that ever happening. to be screamed at before I an even get past 'hello', how would i ever be able to get any point across? last night at church, tho, we were reading Titus, and there was this:
"But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned."
Its written towards groups of people who argue over who's holier, better, etc. But I felt like it was telling me that its best, in my situation, to just turn away and be done with my family. And I hope to God that that's what he's telling me.
Its just hard to believe the way that my family is, and if you could only hear or see or even read the things that were given to me over the weekend, you'd want the worst to happen to them. I want so badly to find the most hurtful things to say to my uncle, to make him feel at his worst, but its just not worth it. He must know he's a shit bag, and if he doesn't, then nothing i could ever say to him would make him realize.
i can't even hold a romantic relationship together. its really depressing. after this weekend, i'm at the point of pretty much cutting of all relations to my blood relatives, excluding my mother, although I'm desperately wanting to move away again. Even she needs to be kept at a great distance in order for us to get along.
there's no way to explain or detail what happened, there's too much history that would need to be laid down, but its always just an accumulation of bad feelings and selfishness that is kept up inside, that suddenly explodes. and its definitely passed on to me. there's not one of our family members who acts differently. Each of us is exactly the same, and its horrible.
i've been reading my bible a little, searching for some type of help as to what is right to do in this situation. i'm told to be forgiving and patient and help them seek God, who will change their heart, if they allow him into their lives, but i honestly don't see any possible way of that ever happening. to be screamed at before I an even get past 'hello', how would i ever be able to get any point across? last night at church, tho, we were reading Titus, and there was this:
"But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned."
Its written towards groups of people who argue over who's holier, better, etc. But I felt like it was telling me that its best, in my situation, to just turn away and be done with my family. And I hope to God that that's what he's telling me.
Its just hard to believe the way that my family is, and if you could only hear or see or even read the things that were given to me over the weekend, you'd want the worst to happen to them. I want so badly to find the most hurtful things to say to my uncle, to make him feel at his worst, but its just not worth it. He must know he's a shit bag, and if he doesn't, then nothing i could ever say to him would make him realize.