Relationships for Dummies - No, Really
I've been reading a lot of relationship and dating articles lately, and not just because I am now a part of the grand circus/meat market. I have become genuinely fascinated with the tone and types of musings that are circulating in the ether. It seems that advice has spilled over from the pages of Cosmo across countless blogs and news sites, and everyone seems to have enough dos and don'ts to choke a horse. When faced with so many new commandments, I find myself praying for a Moses to get pissed off enough to cast them down into so much rubble. And in lieu of that stern parental figure, I've found myself calling shenanigans on the experts that aren't. Because, seriously, much of this stuff is either so simple as to be moronic, or so biased as to be insulting.
Take, for example, this gem: http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24466/dating-tips-9-things-happy-couples-talk-about
It starts with what might be interesting research about what couples talk about, and how satisfied they are with various subjects. And then it devolves into the ever-catchy list. Apparently, when they're not asking each other to pass the Wheaties, happy couples talk about...stuff. Things that happened in that wide swath of time known as The Past and things that might happen in that exciting stretch called The Future. Did you know, for instance, that a good couple can discuss politics without taking it personally? And if you focus on meaning rather than eye-candy, discussing television can be deep conversation? The hell you say!
Still, those kinds of articles are relatively harmless compared to others, such as: http://www.yourtango.com/201056745/10-things-should-never-say-him
While some articles make it sound like you can talk about everything, this one is full of what you can't say. And it's not just because you might sound naggy (though, with some entries on the list, you undoubtedly will). The whole tone of the piece is about hoarding as much power in a relationship as possible, mostly by not seeking to maintain a relationship with one person. Date, the writer says, and if one person doesn't see you again, you'll always have another lined up. On the other hand, the article supports the power men can have to silence partners and control where things are going through avoidance. You're not supposed to ask questions that might be even vaguely uncomfortable, because guys only date to have fun. If you're not fun for even a moment, they'll run away. And don't you dare bring up something when he's watching t.v.!
And if you want to date like that, more power to you - but I certainly don't.
I've yet to find much to trust beyond my own internal critic and compass, but since they've been wrong before, I keep searching the outside world to provide a counterbalance. If anything, the articles I've read have made me think and if this post is any indication, they will make me write, as well.
Take, for example, this gem: http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24466/dating-tips-9-things-happy-couples-talk-about
It starts with what might be interesting research about what couples talk about, and how satisfied they are with various subjects. And then it devolves into the ever-catchy list. Apparently, when they're not asking each other to pass the Wheaties, happy couples talk about...stuff. Things that happened in that wide swath of time known as The Past and things that might happen in that exciting stretch called The Future. Did you know, for instance, that a good couple can discuss politics without taking it personally? And if you focus on meaning rather than eye-candy, discussing television can be deep conversation? The hell you say!
Still, those kinds of articles are relatively harmless compared to others, such as: http://www.yourtango.com/201056745/10-things-should-never-say-him
While some articles make it sound like you can talk about everything, this one is full of what you can't say. And it's not just because you might sound naggy (though, with some entries on the list, you undoubtedly will). The whole tone of the piece is about hoarding as much power in a relationship as possible, mostly by not seeking to maintain a relationship with one person. Date, the writer says, and if one person doesn't see you again, you'll always have another lined up. On the other hand, the article supports the power men can have to silence partners and control where things are going through avoidance. You're not supposed to ask questions that might be even vaguely uncomfortable, because guys only date to have fun. If you're not fun for even a moment, they'll run away. And don't you dare bring up something when he's watching t.v.!
And if you want to date like that, more power to you - but I certainly don't.
I've yet to find much to trust beyond my own internal critic and compass, but since they've been wrong before, I keep searching the outside world to provide a counterbalance. If anything, the articles I've read have made me think and if this post is any indication, they will make me write, as well.