America's Sexuality Day - How Far We've Come
March 3rd was, for some, America's Sexuality Day, dedicated to honoring the open expression of sexual knowledge and free speech about sexual topics. It was held on the anniversary of The Comstock Act of 1873. (It was also, coincidentally, the nineteenth anniversary of my first kiss, but I digress.)
When I was around eleven, a family friend died of AIDS. Up until that point, I had only heard the acronym on the news; I didn't really know what it was. It upset me deeply to see how sick he'd been and I wanted to know what had killed him, but I didn't feel the need to ask my mother. I figured that I would just go to the library and find a book, and I did. The trouble was, to know about AIDS, you had to know more about sex than I had learned at the time. The basics weren't enough. You had to know technical terms and the schematics of the body, and other things besides.
It's a testament to the changes this country has undergone in recent decades that I was able to walk out of my local library with all the books on sex I ever wanted. I read Masters and Johnson and Hite (oh my!) without interference from any adult. When a family friend heard of my interest and gave me Our Bodies, Ourselves, my mom approved. Another family friend gave me Kinsey, and it was just fine for me to be seen with it.
Of course, my curiosity grew as I approached the wonder of the human form. What the hell were Cowper's glands, and where could you find them? What did different diseases do? At every step, I was able to find a book to instruct me. And when I eventually decided I wanted to learn in a hands-on kind of way, I was able to obtain birth control methods without embarrassment or restraint. And I didn't end up like the teen statistic some folks expected I would be because I had real options.
While such is not the state of things everywhere, I know that I am not alone, and I am grateful for the doors that were opened before I needed to cross them. We should acknowledge that despite difficulties, we can talk about sex in many venues and through many mediums without persecution.
Future struggles might be more personal and specific. It is one thing to support gay rights as a heterosexual person, for example, and another thing to come out to your family and friends. It is still possible to engage in safe and consensual adult activities and be arrested for them, not because anyone is hurt but because your kinks aren't allowed. It is still difficult for many people to express their desires to their lovers without being ridiculed, or to admit to favorite pleasures without shame.
The discourse about intercourse that matters the most starts between people sharing flesh, and stops in courtrooms that still cannot dictate the laws of attraction, the principles of pleasure, or the boundaries of human curiosity.
When I was around eleven, a family friend died of AIDS. Up until that point, I had only heard the acronym on the news; I didn't really know what it was. It upset me deeply to see how sick he'd been and I wanted to know what had killed him, but I didn't feel the need to ask my mother. I figured that I would just go to the library and find a book, and I did. The trouble was, to know about AIDS, you had to know more about sex than I had learned at the time. The basics weren't enough. You had to know technical terms and the schematics of the body, and other things besides.
It's a testament to the changes this country has undergone in recent decades that I was able to walk out of my local library with all the books on sex I ever wanted. I read Masters and Johnson and Hite (oh my!) without interference from any adult. When a family friend heard of my interest and gave me Our Bodies, Ourselves, my mom approved. Another family friend gave me Kinsey, and it was just fine for me to be seen with it.
Of course, my curiosity grew as I approached the wonder of the human form. What the hell were Cowper's glands, and where could you find them? What did different diseases do? At every step, I was able to find a book to instruct me. And when I eventually decided I wanted to learn in a hands-on kind of way, I was able to obtain birth control methods without embarrassment or restraint. And I didn't end up like the teen statistic some folks expected I would be because I had real options.
While such is not the state of things everywhere, I know that I am not alone, and I am grateful for the doors that were opened before I needed to cross them. We should acknowledge that despite difficulties, we can talk about sex in many venues and through many mediums without persecution.
Future struggles might be more personal and specific. It is one thing to support gay rights as a heterosexual person, for example, and another thing to come out to your family and friends. It is still possible to engage in safe and consensual adult activities and be arrested for them, not because anyone is hurt but because your kinks aren't allowed. It is still difficult for many people to express their desires to their lovers without being ridiculed, or to admit to favorite pleasures without shame.
The discourse about intercourse that matters the most starts between people sharing flesh, and stops in courtrooms that still cannot dictate the laws of attraction, the principles of pleasure, or the boundaries of human curiosity.