Spring Cleaning, part 1b
Sooooo... still going thru the tapes and I found the series finale of Dawson's Creek. So I went to my livejournal and found an entry I wrote about the episode. So here it so....
Well, I finally watched the final episode of the Dawson's Creek and I don't remember a time when I cried so much - was moved so much - by a television show. Everyone knows I'm an emotional person and get attached easily, but this show took the cake. From the time the series first started, I broke my 90210 addiction, and tuned in every Wednesday at 8pm to watch this over-worded, melodrama of "Pacey or Dawson?" The way Williamson delivered these characters seemed closer to real people then the BMW driving, Fendi wearing beach buns of 90210.
I sat here in tears for the majority of the episode balling. It was so moving. When the network first started to air commericals advertising one of the 4 main characters were going to die I felt as if it was such a let down. It was if the writers were just going to tie up lose ends and make it impossible for the possibly if the inevitable reunion show 10 years down the line. But now, after watching it, I am so pleased with the ending. Of course, not that Jenn died, but just as when she came to town she turned their lives inside out, she left putting their lives in some sort of order. Very poetic. When she was taping her wishes for her daughter, I sat here with one hand on my heart and the other with tissue on hand covering my mouth. It was the perfect message to send to a child.
"Hi, Amy, it's mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious. An education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right?
And, um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream, and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in god. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that god exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in god, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if god exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always.
And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember, to love is to live."
As with all good television shows it got me thinking. Hypothetically speaking of course, if I were in Jenn's place would I be as lucky as she was. I'm not saying I want to die of a malfuctioning heart but would I have people holding vigil outside my hospital room. Would I have a Joey brushing my hair, helping to make me look presentable? Would I have a Pacey lifting my spirits the exact way I would need? Would I have a Dawson helping me leave my mark? Would I be so blessed to have a Jack, a best friend who would do anything for me? If I went right now, my answers to all of the above would be no.
I have a boyfriend, who tries to be all of those things for me but it's not possible. I had a Joey/Pacey/Dawson/Jack rolled into one person about 8 years ago, but no more. I have incredible friends. They are funny and kind and great to be around, but I don't have that one friend anymore that I would go to with anything. Most of them live so far away that it's hard to keep in touch without email. Its weird too, because when the show first started the character I most felt "that could be me" was Jenn. I don't know why... I think the sarcastic way she did everything was so "me!"
In the end, I was satisfied Joey ended up with Pacey. It was the right choice.
All I can hope for is that in time, before it's too late, I am able to have at least 25% of the Jack/Dawson/Pacey/Joey friendship.
Now... here I am 4 years later and I can change some of those answers from no to yes. I can honestly say I have people who resemble those who I longed for back then.