(no subject)
My heart stopped today. My mouth got dry and i felt as if i couldnt breathe out. My mind is blank. Then suddenly everything rushes back to me... my heart beating fast, my mouth wet and almost hyperventalating... and my mind is FILLED with thoughts... I dont even know where to begin. So I guess i should start from why this all happened. I was just minding my own business when i decided to read my friend's lj's... no big deal I guess... one of my friends is more confident, another upset with her b/f, one got a good roll, and then i get to it... my ex b/f's journal... I hesitate to even read it. this was a guy I loved but refused to admit it because i was neive. he then moved, due to my neivity (is that even a word), got a new g/f and we stopped talking cause i realized i was stupid... and he realized it too and moved on. Now I find out he's back with his ex... (his first love) and they are having a baby together. My heart is broken again. I need someone to talk to RIGHT NOW... but its 11 at night and i dont know who to call or who would even want to listen. I know none of you understand why i care so much that my "ex" is having a baby with another girl... but I do. and I need a major ass hug! and maybe some cuddeling too. god damn it and now im crying. I just dont understand. he said he'd come back for me... and now i know he's not. he use to always talk fondly about her and now i understand he loved her when he was with me. he loved another girl when he was friggin with me. I say i hate my life too much and i really dont mean it, but there is a lot of shit that goes on in my life. I feel my heart is always broken. and once again it's broken... I care way too much and i dont know how to stop. someone please tell me how to stop. I dont know if the good is worth the bad any more. maybe being a lone is better than being hurt... sure he wasnt mine but he shouldnt be hers... he said he would come back for me... he promised. I dont want a baby but i do want love. I need someone who is patent with me and realizes im an idiot and it takes me a while to understand my feelings... but most of all right now i need a HUGE ass hug... I feel like donkey in Shrek when they say he looks terrible...