[soapbox] nonmonogamy is not the devil
365 Gay Sharks
Day 68, Word Count: 778
Theme: March; Truth and Consequences
This post is part of the 365 Gay Sharks project. If you would like to learn more about this project, click here to read more about it. :D
Reili on a Soapbox
Today's Topic: Why I believe nonmonogamy is not the devil and how I ended up polyamorous.
Once, I almost punched someone in the face because they said polyamory was gross as I was walking by. I didn't, because it happened to be a faculty member and even though I feel pretty strongly about this topic I'd rather not get kicked out of college for it. What actually bothered me about her saying that wasn't that she said it, I'm cool with people having their own opinions, but that she couldn't back up her statement. It was gross, just . . . because god don't you know anything?!
Here's the thing: I was on my school's speech and debate team for three years. I don't mind people having an opinion on things, but I like them to be able to back that opinion up. Don't ever get into a debate1 with me unless you really mean it, I'm completely viscous about it. I don't like being told that I should believe something when there's really no evidence to support it and I don't like people falling back on straw men and Chewbacca defenses2.
So I have a girlfriend, 1st_eggokage. She has a girlfriend, teh_slush. I love them both very much, regardless of how my author's notes about them may read, and if you hadn't noticed? I pretty much advocate polyamory as a solution to all (love-related) problems. I generally feel like the world would be an easier place to live in if there were less "I'M TORN BETWEEN EMMA AND TERRY SO I'M JUST GOING TO BE THE BIGGEST MANSLUT ALIVE!" My extended thoughts on Will Schuester and Glee are for another post, however.
I'm here to talk about why I believe this-make no mistake, I don't actively want to convert you to polyamory because I do honestly realize that it's not for everyone and that some people really need that rock solidity of monogamy in their love lives. However, I want people to realize that loving more than one person is totally cool if they all love you back because I feel like if I yell loud enough, someone might actually stop to listen.
For starters: technically 1st_eggokage and I have an open relationship. If you look at the wiki page for that term, it'll probably make your head hurt. We fall under the fourth bullet and, if you ask me to state my full orientation (something I don't actively do), I'd tell you that I'm a genderqueer, polyamorous asexual biromantic dominant. In other words: I'm every kind of marginalized that exists and I honestly didn't even try.
That's not actually important right this second, though. The important thing is that our open relationship was founded on a pretty basic rule: I have to know who
1st_eggokage is having sex with and she has to know who I'm having sex with. This rule isn't because I like getting all the sordid details from her, it's mostly so I can keep our sex safe. There's this weird misconception that an open relationship somehow means that something unsafe is going on, and I think it's mostly because most people don't care who their partner fucks so long as they never have to hear about it. To me that seems a little idiotic, because if you don't know who your partner is fucking then you don't know if you're liable to get diseases. So 1st_eggokage tells me and I tell her and I've made the appropriate dismissive "of course" hand motion promising that when I sleep with a guy for science, I'll use a condom.
A lot of people ask me if I ever get jealous of the fact that my girlfriend is sleeping with other people, which is a question I find odd. I think that if you're the kind of person who loves multiple people fiercely, then you should be able to do that.
The whole reason I think polyamory is fab is that I think love is beautiful and I don't think that having to choose between people is fair. That's not to say that I advocate cheating, I just think that if people are open and honest then everything goes a lot more smoothly. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship and that goes double for polyamorous ones. That's the cool thing about it. If you get the balances right, the bonds between you and your partner(s) become strong because you have to talk all the time.
But basically I'm rambling and this post is meaningless. Ask me questions in the comments and I promise to be less rambling and more articulate.
1 A debate is not the same thing as an argument. One is level-headed and articulate where the other tends to be inelegant and emotion-fueled.
2 context
This entry originally posted here. Original entry currently has
comments. :D
Day 68, Word Count: 778
Theme: March; Truth and Consequences
This post is part of the 365 Gay Sharks project. If you would like to learn more about this project, click here to read more about it. :D
Reili on a Soapbox
Today's Topic: Why I believe nonmonogamy is not the devil and how I ended up polyamorous.
Once, I almost punched someone in the face because they said polyamory was gross as I was walking by. I didn't, because it happened to be a faculty member and even though I feel pretty strongly about this topic I'd rather not get kicked out of college for it. What actually bothered me about her saying that wasn't that she said it, I'm cool with people having their own opinions, but that she couldn't back up her statement. It was gross, just . . . because god don't you know anything?!
Here's the thing: I was on my school's speech and debate team for three years. I don't mind people having an opinion on things, but I like them to be able to back that opinion up. Don't ever get into a debate1 with me unless you really mean it, I'm completely viscous about it. I don't like being told that I should believe something when there's really no evidence to support it and I don't like people falling back on straw men and Chewbacca defenses2.
So I have a girlfriend, 1st_eggokage. She has a girlfriend, teh_slush. I love them both very much, regardless of how my author's notes about them may read, and if you hadn't noticed? I pretty much advocate polyamory as a solution to all (love-related) problems. I generally feel like the world would be an easier place to live in if there were less "I'M TORN BETWEEN EMMA AND TERRY SO I'M JUST GOING TO BE THE BIGGEST MANSLUT ALIVE!" My extended thoughts on Will Schuester and Glee are for another post, however.
I'm here to talk about why I believe this-make no mistake, I don't actively want to convert you to polyamory because I do honestly realize that it's not for everyone and that some people really need that rock solidity of monogamy in their love lives. However, I want people to realize that loving more than one person is totally cool if they all love you back because I feel like if I yell loud enough, someone might actually stop to listen.
For starters: technically 1st_eggokage and I have an open relationship. If you look at the wiki page for that term, it'll probably make your head hurt. We fall under the fourth bullet and, if you ask me to state my full orientation (something I don't actively do), I'd tell you that I'm a genderqueer, polyamorous asexual biromantic dominant. In other words: I'm every kind of marginalized that exists and I honestly didn't even try.
That's not actually important right this second, though. The important thing is that our open relationship was founded on a pretty basic rule: I have to know who
1st_eggokage is having sex with and she has to know who I'm having sex with. This rule isn't because I like getting all the sordid details from her, it's mostly so I can keep our sex safe. There's this weird misconception that an open relationship somehow means that something unsafe is going on, and I think it's mostly because most people don't care who their partner fucks so long as they never have to hear about it. To me that seems a little idiotic, because if you don't know who your partner is fucking then you don't know if you're liable to get diseases. So 1st_eggokage tells me and I tell her and I've made the appropriate dismissive "of course" hand motion promising that when I sleep with a guy for science, I'll use a condom.
A lot of people ask me if I ever get jealous of the fact that my girlfriend is sleeping with other people, which is a question I find odd. I think that if you're the kind of person who loves multiple people fiercely, then you should be able to do that.
The whole reason I think polyamory is fab is that I think love is beautiful and I don't think that having to choose between people is fair. That's not to say that I advocate cheating, I just think that if people are open and honest then everything goes a lot more smoothly. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship and that goes double for polyamorous ones. That's the cool thing about it. If you get the balances right, the bonds between you and your partner(s) become strong because you have to talk all the time.
But basically I'm rambling and this post is meaningless. Ask me questions in the comments and I promise to be less rambling and more articulate.
1 A debate is not the same thing as an argument. One is level-headed and articulate where the other tends to be inelegant and emotion-fueled.
2 context
This entry originally posted here. Original entry currently has
comments. :D