Lighting the Darkness 3/3
Who can Jim turn to now to help him be the Captain that Admiral Pike thought he could be?
ST:ID with just a hint of Jim/Bones.
Chapter 3
Five days later Jim awoke from a nap to find Ambassador Spock sitting beside his bed. In the ensuing discussion Jim learned that Bones and Spock had put their heads together and came up with the ingenious idea of having the Ambassador meet with Jim in the vain hope of helping Jim to see he was still meant to be the Captain.
That plan failed miserably. As the Ambassador sat and talked, Jim became aware that he was comparing Jim to his own hazel eyed version of ‘James T. Kirk’. That meld they shared on Delta Vega went two ways and Jim saw the kind of relationship that Amb. Spock and his Kirk had; an unrequited relationship because they were both too chicken to declare their feelings for each other. That Jim Kirk died alone and this older Spock has been carrying the guilt for not revealing his love that would have had the potential of altering that Jim Kirk's fate.
Jim found himself getting angrier and angrier. Here was someone else who didn't see him. Like his mother who had a hard time looking at him his entire life because he resembled his father too much, this Spock was seeing his own Jim Kirk when he looked at Jim. This being could not help Jim. He was too wounded himself.
"I am not him, Spock. I know you think you are helping me but you can't get past your own feelings about your Jim Kirk. You don't know me Spock. You don't know anything about me and my history. I grew up without a father. I had no role models until I met Chris Pike. You can't replace him. Oh, God, I miss him so much; I need him; he saw me; he knew who I was; he gave me a second chance and now he's gone and you can't fill his shoes. I'm sorry, I know you want to help me, that you think you know how but you don't. I don't want to be rude to you Ambassador. I know you mean well, but you can't help me. Please go. Please just go." With tears in his eyes, Jim slipped down in his bed and turned his back on the Ambassador.
Amb. Spock got up quietly, thought about trying to reach out to comfort Jim, but saw that his advances would be unwelcome. As he was leaving Dr. McCoy flew into the room. Once again he had been monitoring Jim's vital signs. He did not know what they talked about but he knew Jim was once again upset. Briefly, Bones looked at the Ambassador, saw the defeat in his eyes, nodded goodbye and went to Jim's side.
"Jim, I'm here. Are you okay? Talk to me Jim. What's going on?" Bones frantically tried to reach Jim.
Jim sighed and after a few minutes finally turned around to face Bones, tears once more in his eyes and on his cheeks but there was also a look of quiet determination in his visage. "Bones, I know you want to help, and believe me you do just by being you, but I just realized that no one can help me Bones. I have to help myself. I feel badly for the way I treated the Ambassador but I can't deal with one more person looking at me and seeing someone else. It's time for me to grow up. I just remembered a conversation Pike and I had a while back. He said a good Captain relied on his crew to provide information and different perspectives; that I should listen to what they have to say and then make an informed decision. He was right. All along I’ve been thinking that I can’t be Captain because I don’t always know what to do. But if I listen to my crew, take in all their knowledge of a situation and then make the final decision, I won’t be doing it alone. I will have the best information each crew member can provide and then I can act responsibly. And that is what I am going to do. It is time for me to grow up; it’s time for me to take action. Bones, please call the entire command team and ask them to meet with me here; and of course that means you as well. Okay, Bones? And Bones, you and I need to have a long private conversation as well. I have so much to make up to you for; so much appreciation I want to show you for all you mean to me. ” With that, Jim looked up through his lush eyelashes, sunny sky blue eyes twinkling like Bones had not seen in what seemed like years, and smiled the real Jim Kirk smile that very few people have ever seen.
Bones looked at the man lying in the bed before him. This was the James Kirk Bones had come to love and respect. This is the man he would continue to travel into the Black with. Bones kind of choked on his words as he heard that Jim wanted a ‘private’ conversation with him. “Yes, Captain. I’ll contact the command team right away. And I look forward to our private talk after... much later after you get some rest. Just do me a favor, drink some water, eat the meal that will be delivered shortly and take a nap. Okay, Jim?”
“Yes mother; okay.” And with that Captain James Tiberius Kirk leaned back, content for the first time in a long time. He had made his decision. He was looking forward to his meeting with his crew and he could make Bones happy by drinking water, eating his meal and taking a nap. All in all a good day and he made a note to himself to contact the Ambassador and apologize. He had the Ambassador to thank for making him mad enough to relieve the darkness and depression that held him down. He suddenly felt lighter than he had in a long time.
It did not take long to gather the entire command team together. They were all so eager to have their Captain back and Bones sounded so upbeat when he contacted each of them that they couldn’t wait for this meeting to take place.
The man each of them saw upon arrival was the man who led them against the Narada; who brought them safely home then and who saved their lives by giving up his own in their most recent harrowing mission. They eagerly took their seats around the Captain’s bed. He greeted each of them warmly though a bit more restrained than they were used to. Bones came in last, checked Jim’s vitals once more; decided he liked what he saw, and nodded at Jim to begin the meeting.
“Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Commander Scott, lieutenants Uhura and Sulu and Ensign Chekov, thank you for meeting with me so quickly.” Jim looked each of them in the eyes as he acknowledged their presence. With each look he linked them together, connecting them all to each other and to him. He had their complete and undivided attention.
“I want to thank each of you for your full out participation in our last mission. Once again you proved what a formidable team you are. And I am grateful for each of you and for the talents you have demonstrated in abundance. As you are well aware, I have been struggling with my place in the command structure. For the first time lives were lost under my command. Admiral Pike was trying to get it through my thick skull that my behavior has consequences for my crew. And he of course was right as he was about so many things. I am going to miss him as a friend and as a mentor. He had much yet to teach me. You all have taught me as well.” With that he once again looked at each of them, connecting with them and drawing them in. The charisma that was so much a part of his personality was on full display and you could hear a pin drop as they waited on his every word.
“Khan did have one message that resonated with me. He said, ‘Is there anything you would not do for your family, Kirk?’ He was right about that. The entire Enterprise crew is my family; our family. When we are out there in the Black we take our home, the Enterprise, and our family with us. Each member of our family has a role to play. My commitment to you all is that if you choose to continue to be part of the Enterprise family, and the Admiralty permits me to continue as Captain, that I will listen to each of you, to your expertise, to your wisdom before I make the decisions that only a Captain can. Mr. Scott was very wise when he said that we were explorers not military. I should have heeded him then; although if he had been on board Enterprise when we faced Admiral Marcus, we would all be dead. And Mr. Spock was right in saying it is his duty to question my decisions to be sure I am making the best decisions in any given situation. Lives depend on those decisions; your lives.” Again he looked at each one of them in turn, appreciating each life that willingly would follow him again out into the Black to face the unknown challenges that lay ahead. Lastly, he looked at Bones with so much affection that it was clear to each of them the type of relationship these two men were engaged in.
“So, as my family, as my team, I ask that we mentor each other. There is no one else we can rely on when we are out there and there are no better people I would want to share a mission of scientific exploration with. We have all had to grow up sooner than we expected to, especially me. But I do not want to waste this opportunity of what we can all accomplish together. If you are with me, I will try to convince the powers that be that we are the ship and crew who should be awarded the five year mission to seek out new life. Are you with me?” He smiled like the old impetuous Jim Kirk but with a new measure of maturity to back it up.
*****
And of course they all agreed and one year later they were once again in the Black with a new commitment to each other and to the mission at hand. A journey of five years of exploration of the worlds yet unknown and of the discoveries they would make about themselves and each other as they would boldly go where no one had gone before. And yes, one of those explorations would be the new development in the relationship known as Jim & Bones.
THE END
ST:ID with just a hint of Jim/Bones.
Chapter 3
Five days later Jim awoke from a nap to find Ambassador Spock sitting beside his bed. In the ensuing discussion Jim learned that Bones and Spock had put their heads together and came up with the ingenious idea of having the Ambassador meet with Jim in the vain hope of helping Jim to see he was still meant to be the Captain.
That plan failed miserably. As the Ambassador sat and talked, Jim became aware that he was comparing Jim to his own hazel eyed version of ‘James T. Kirk’. That meld they shared on Delta Vega went two ways and Jim saw the kind of relationship that Amb. Spock and his Kirk had; an unrequited relationship because they were both too chicken to declare their feelings for each other. That Jim Kirk died alone and this older Spock has been carrying the guilt for not revealing his love that would have had the potential of altering that Jim Kirk's fate.
Jim found himself getting angrier and angrier. Here was someone else who didn't see him. Like his mother who had a hard time looking at him his entire life because he resembled his father too much, this Spock was seeing his own Jim Kirk when he looked at Jim. This being could not help Jim. He was too wounded himself.
"I am not him, Spock. I know you think you are helping me but you can't get past your own feelings about your Jim Kirk. You don't know me Spock. You don't know anything about me and my history. I grew up without a father. I had no role models until I met Chris Pike. You can't replace him. Oh, God, I miss him so much; I need him; he saw me; he knew who I was; he gave me a second chance and now he's gone and you can't fill his shoes. I'm sorry, I know you want to help me, that you think you know how but you don't. I don't want to be rude to you Ambassador. I know you mean well, but you can't help me. Please go. Please just go." With tears in his eyes, Jim slipped down in his bed and turned his back on the Ambassador.
Amb. Spock got up quietly, thought about trying to reach out to comfort Jim, but saw that his advances would be unwelcome. As he was leaving Dr. McCoy flew into the room. Once again he had been monitoring Jim's vital signs. He did not know what they talked about but he knew Jim was once again upset. Briefly, Bones looked at the Ambassador, saw the defeat in his eyes, nodded goodbye and went to Jim's side.
"Jim, I'm here. Are you okay? Talk to me Jim. What's going on?" Bones frantically tried to reach Jim.
Jim sighed and after a few minutes finally turned around to face Bones, tears once more in his eyes and on his cheeks but there was also a look of quiet determination in his visage. "Bones, I know you want to help, and believe me you do just by being you, but I just realized that no one can help me Bones. I have to help myself. I feel badly for the way I treated the Ambassador but I can't deal with one more person looking at me and seeing someone else. It's time for me to grow up. I just remembered a conversation Pike and I had a while back. He said a good Captain relied on his crew to provide information and different perspectives; that I should listen to what they have to say and then make an informed decision. He was right. All along I’ve been thinking that I can’t be Captain because I don’t always know what to do. But if I listen to my crew, take in all their knowledge of a situation and then make the final decision, I won’t be doing it alone. I will have the best information each crew member can provide and then I can act responsibly. And that is what I am going to do. It is time for me to grow up; it’s time for me to take action. Bones, please call the entire command team and ask them to meet with me here; and of course that means you as well. Okay, Bones? And Bones, you and I need to have a long private conversation as well. I have so much to make up to you for; so much appreciation I want to show you for all you mean to me. ” With that, Jim looked up through his lush eyelashes, sunny sky blue eyes twinkling like Bones had not seen in what seemed like years, and smiled the real Jim Kirk smile that very few people have ever seen.
Bones looked at the man lying in the bed before him. This was the James Kirk Bones had come to love and respect. This is the man he would continue to travel into the Black with. Bones kind of choked on his words as he heard that Jim wanted a ‘private’ conversation with him. “Yes, Captain. I’ll contact the command team right away. And I look forward to our private talk after... much later after you get some rest. Just do me a favor, drink some water, eat the meal that will be delivered shortly and take a nap. Okay, Jim?”
“Yes mother; okay.” And with that Captain James Tiberius Kirk leaned back, content for the first time in a long time. He had made his decision. He was looking forward to his meeting with his crew and he could make Bones happy by drinking water, eating his meal and taking a nap. All in all a good day and he made a note to himself to contact the Ambassador and apologize. He had the Ambassador to thank for making him mad enough to relieve the darkness and depression that held him down. He suddenly felt lighter than he had in a long time.
It did not take long to gather the entire command team together. They were all so eager to have their Captain back and Bones sounded so upbeat when he contacted each of them that they couldn’t wait for this meeting to take place.
The man each of them saw upon arrival was the man who led them against the Narada; who brought them safely home then and who saved their lives by giving up his own in their most recent harrowing mission. They eagerly took their seats around the Captain’s bed. He greeted each of them warmly though a bit more restrained than they were used to. Bones came in last, checked Jim’s vitals once more; decided he liked what he saw, and nodded at Jim to begin the meeting.
“Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Commander Scott, lieutenants Uhura and Sulu and Ensign Chekov, thank you for meeting with me so quickly.” Jim looked each of them in the eyes as he acknowledged their presence. With each look he linked them together, connecting them all to each other and to him. He had their complete and undivided attention.
“I want to thank each of you for your full out participation in our last mission. Once again you proved what a formidable team you are. And I am grateful for each of you and for the talents you have demonstrated in abundance. As you are well aware, I have been struggling with my place in the command structure. For the first time lives were lost under my command. Admiral Pike was trying to get it through my thick skull that my behavior has consequences for my crew. And he of course was right as he was about so many things. I am going to miss him as a friend and as a mentor. He had much yet to teach me. You all have taught me as well.” With that he once again looked at each of them, connecting with them and drawing them in. The charisma that was so much a part of his personality was on full display and you could hear a pin drop as they waited on his every word.
“Khan did have one message that resonated with me. He said, ‘Is there anything you would not do for your family, Kirk?’ He was right about that. The entire Enterprise crew is my family; our family. When we are out there in the Black we take our home, the Enterprise, and our family with us. Each member of our family has a role to play. My commitment to you all is that if you choose to continue to be part of the Enterprise family, and the Admiralty permits me to continue as Captain, that I will listen to each of you, to your expertise, to your wisdom before I make the decisions that only a Captain can. Mr. Scott was very wise when he said that we were explorers not military. I should have heeded him then; although if he had been on board Enterprise when we faced Admiral Marcus, we would all be dead. And Mr. Spock was right in saying it is his duty to question my decisions to be sure I am making the best decisions in any given situation. Lives depend on those decisions; your lives.” Again he looked at each one of them in turn, appreciating each life that willingly would follow him again out into the Black to face the unknown challenges that lay ahead. Lastly, he looked at Bones with so much affection that it was clear to each of them the type of relationship these two men were engaged in.
“So, as my family, as my team, I ask that we mentor each other. There is no one else we can rely on when we are out there and there are no better people I would want to share a mission of scientific exploration with. We have all had to grow up sooner than we expected to, especially me. But I do not want to waste this opportunity of what we can all accomplish together. If you are with me, I will try to convince the powers that be that we are the ship and crew who should be awarded the five year mission to seek out new life. Are you with me?” He smiled like the old impetuous Jim Kirk but with a new measure of maturity to back it up.
*****
And of course they all agreed and one year later they were once again in the Black with a new commitment to each other and to the mission at hand. A journey of five years of exploration of the worlds yet unknown and of the discoveries they would make about themselves and each other as they would boldly go where no one had gone before. And yes, one of those explorations would be the new development in the relationship known as Jim & Bones.
THE END