On "Fathers' Rights"
Was listening to a conversation recently where a guy stated his belief that "the father" should be informed of and allowed to attempt to change his partner's decision to have an abortion ("But the final decision still gets left to the woman, so it's okay, right?" Ugh...). I was neither in the mood nor a position to get into a discussion about why the government forcing such a thing is not okay.
First off, taking his comment in good faith that he was not intending any sort of malice, there's a huge underlying assumption here. An assumption that I wish I could say was based entirely in reality, but that is not the case. Namely, that every woman considering abortion is in a non-abusive, stable, and healthy relationship with "the father". That still doesn't make such a thing okay, but at least it wouldn't be potentially dangerous. Probably.
Sure, it'd be nice if everyone could be safe and comfortable discussing this personal health and life decision with her partner. And I want a magical ponycorn. It just isn't realistic. For many reasons. Some more obvious than others. For instance. "Let us track down this rapist and let him have his say on what he thinks you should do with your life before we'll let you make this decision." I can't be the only person who thinks that sounds like a bad idea. And then what of a woman who has multiple partners? Do they all get the "right" to be informed and have their say? Just because they could potentially be involved in the pregnancy? This doesn't really seem all that practical to me. How are you going to determine who the "father" is, anyway? Ask her? What if she doesn't know? Would we have to register a list of sex partners with the government? Is it really the government's business who I'm sleeping with?
You could try to say, perhaps, that this "right" should be restricted to a legal husband. What of the cases where the husband IS the rapist, or where the husband is abusive, and would use the pregnancy to further entangle his wife into being unable to escape his abuse? What then? Are you really advocating that this woman put her life in danger just so this asshole can have one more point of control over her life? Because you don't trust your partner enough to involve you in her decisions without government intervention?
Sorry, dude. I can understand wanting to know. But that doesn't mean you should have the right to know. I hope you're always in a relationship where there is mutual trust and open communication.
First off, taking his comment in good faith that he was not intending any sort of malice, there's a huge underlying assumption here. An assumption that I wish I could say was based entirely in reality, but that is not the case. Namely, that every woman considering abortion is in a non-abusive, stable, and healthy relationship with "the father". That still doesn't make such a thing okay, but at least it wouldn't be potentially dangerous. Probably.
Sure, it'd be nice if everyone could be safe and comfortable discussing this personal health and life decision with her partner. And I want a magical ponycorn. It just isn't realistic. For many reasons. Some more obvious than others. For instance. "Let us track down this rapist and let him have his say on what he thinks you should do with your life before we'll let you make this decision." I can't be the only person who thinks that sounds like a bad idea. And then what of a woman who has multiple partners? Do they all get the "right" to be informed and have their say? Just because they could potentially be involved in the pregnancy? This doesn't really seem all that practical to me. How are you going to determine who the "father" is, anyway? Ask her? What if she doesn't know? Would we have to register a list of sex partners with the government? Is it really the government's business who I'm sleeping with?
You could try to say, perhaps, that this "right" should be restricted to a legal husband. What of the cases where the husband IS the rapist, or where the husband is abusive, and would use the pregnancy to further entangle his wife into being unable to escape his abuse? What then? Are you really advocating that this woman put her life in danger just so this asshole can have one more point of control over her life? Because you don't trust your partner enough to involve you in her decisions without government intervention?
Sorry, dude. I can understand wanting to know. But that doesn't mean you should have the right to know. I hope you're always in a relationship where there is mutual trust and open communication.