Detox, you devil.

[kircocktail]

I had a great time with Kevin this weekend. We played golf with him and his former rommie Trent on Saturday, and despite my prediction of terrible mood and golf, I played the best golf I've played all summer! On one of our three rounds of nine, I shot a three over, which is a record! I usually shoot a five or six over, so I was pleased. Sunday was another story. I woke up feeling sexy, and while attempting to put the moves on my man, he made some comment about my "morning breath tongue." We had an asian coleslaw for dinner with raw garlic in it the night before, so it's not like he didn't have a morning breath tongue, too. But that comment killed my sexy, and pretty much my mood for the rest of the day. Golf at dexter was TERRIBLE. My frisbees must have been feeling sexy, because all they wanted was wood. Trees, that is. Hittin trees the whole round. I was frustrated, and frankly, embarrassed. I'm competitive, and I don't like to look like a fool. I also golf with all men, I have no female golf buddies, and they're all way stronger and better than me. It's hard to cut myself slack when I want to compete with them. I get tired of competing with myself. In the evening, however, things improved. I apologized to Voyer for my bitchy attitude. He still loves me, bless his heart. Kevin and Kim came over, which felt so good. I miss my friends. *sniff* Kevin had to leave early, but Kim hung around and we had a great talk. She just finished a detox too, and had some good input and advice. She and Jana are right, I'm now convinced. The detox is the source of my mood issues. I'm now a week off my two favorite drugs: food and pot. Kim really helped me to see how the residual drugs in my system are fucking with me, and how a psychological addiction has psychological withdrawls. Strangely, I'm more motivated than ever to stay sober. I want to smoke SO BAD. All the time. I don't know how many times in a day I say, "I wanna smoke a bowl!" or, "I wanna be high right now!" But all the times it's been in front of me in the last week and I've not smoked strenthens my resolve. In the meantime, I'm trying to just deal with the shitty mood swings and hope they alleviate soon. Kim says, "You know what my uncle Kevin would say? Deal with it." Her uncle Kevin is terribly paralyzed. He's right. So I'm gonna deal and not smoke, and continue my veganness for a little bit longer. Voyer, on the other hand, needs to move back to a more protein filled diet. He's been detoxing, but having to take my antivirals because the herpes virus is wreaking havoc on his system, which it never does. Even though we've been taking vitamins and drinking lots of nutrients, his immune system isn't into it. He's making some eggs right now. I wonder what it would feel like to eat an egg? I'm looking forward to more protein, too. It's been hard for me to stay on top of my blood sugar.

I registered today, and I don't remember the last time I've been more excited about my schedule. I've got bench aerobics monday and wednesday at 11. Mondays and fridays from 12 to 2 I have John's aethetics class (whoa, to 'ae' words). And mondays and wednesdays at 2 I have history of Native American education. No fuckin "education classes." Thank god, I'm sick of em. I also need to finish up my big research paper and a couple other incompletes, so it's not a TOTAL respite from the ol' grind. The sooner I do that, the sooner I can get my license, and hopefully sub by November on my nonschooldays.

I really need to get tenacious. I'm asking all my ancestors and my grandpa to get behind me and PUSH. Time to suck it up and get done.