while I want change... i hate change...
As the realization that I will be leaving my position to go the the greatly desired training position that I have been accepted into, I start to get more and more freaked out.
My mental health issues are not complicated really. When things change alot I get stuck in my house. I get as far as the door and that's it. Stuck.
I find that the less complicated the morning is for me, the easier it is to get out and go to work.
Normally most things don't bother me. I can get up, deal with grumpy kids, eat a lovely breakfast and go to work.
The amount of change that is involved in my life for this training program means that I will no longer be going to my office... for 4 years... and if i get another job based on the experience I am gaining from the program, then never. That is alot of change. I am only mildly coping.
I am learning from it that I need to calm down alot.... and leave alot earlier so I don't have to deal with kids. The minute I have to deal with them... i am doomed... i get to the door and freeze.
Dysthemia is what it is called. Its the basis of my entire life.
Now don't get me wrong, i have a GREAT LIFE!!! I am truly blessed with an amazing partner, good paying job that is permanent (union), and pretty good foster kids. Remarkable friends, good dog, nice house, some really great neighbours and nice weather.
But i still freeze some days if I haven't dealt with somethings in the back of my mind.
There. Snapshot into me.
Oh yeah. That training program that I got into; only 5 people in the country are accepted. Its a 4 level jump in the management structure. Doubles my salary when I am in the position. Its sweet.
I hope hope hope I can make a difference.
My mental health issues are not complicated really. When things change alot I get stuck in my house. I get as far as the door and that's it. Stuck.
I find that the less complicated the morning is for me, the easier it is to get out and go to work.
Normally most things don't bother me. I can get up, deal with grumpy kids, eat a lovely breakfast and go to work.
The amount of change that is involved in my life for this training program means that I will no longer be going to my office... for 4 years... and if i get another job based on the experience I am gaining from the program, then never. That is alot of change. I am only mildly coping.
I am learning from it that I need to calm down alot.... and leave alot earlier so I don't have to deal with kids. The minute I have to deal with them... i am doomed... i get to the door and freeze.
Dysthemia is what it is called. Its the basis of my entire life.
Now don't get me wrong, i have a GREAT LIFE!!! I am truly blessed with an amazing partner, good paying job that is permanent (union), and pretty good foster kids. Remarkable friends, good dog, nice house, some really great neighbours and nice weather.
But i still freeze some days if I haven't dealt with somethings in the back of my mind.
There. Snapshot into me.
Oh yeah. That training program that I got into; only 5 people in the country are accepted. Its a 4 level jump in the management structure. Doubles my salary when I am in the position. Its sweet.
I hope hope hope I can make a difference.