Growing together (Chapter 22)
Jun hugged Kazu automatically as the other boy threw himself against him, sniffling and crying against his shoulders. It took a while until he calmed down again and Jun sighed in relief when Kazu moved back. He stared at his knees, clearly embarrassed about his outburst and rubbed his itchy eyes.
Jun observed him for a moment, before clearing his throat and taking the wrist in his hand to stop Nino from further rubbing his eyes. “Stop it. You just make it worse that way.”
“Sorry,” Kazu mumbled, now staring at his clenched fist on top of his knees. He sighed tiredly, and Jun tugged him close again. He pulled and prodded Kazu until he was lying down, his head on his lap and patted his hair. His mother used to do it to him when he was sad as a little kid, and that was the only way he felt was okay to do right now. It was better than hugging at least. Kazu calmed down further and closed his surely hurting eyes.
“We can get a cool towel for your eyes?” Jun offered, but Kazu shook his head. He didn’t want to move right now because he felt too comfortable right now and he really didn’t want to be left alone in Jun’s room, neither did he want to leave the room.
“So what’s up with you? What happened? Did someone do something to you?” Jun asked, his brows furrowed, and his nose wrinkled. If someone would have hurt Kazu, he was sure that he would have run home to his family. He would only end up here if Jun were that much closer. “Shall I take you home?”
Kazu shook his head and sniffled. Jun stiffened slightly, fearing that Kazu would start crying again, sighing in relief when no tears came. “I don’t want to go home. They all lied to me,” he whispered, his voice broken and full of pain. Jun was surprised, and somehow his heart hurt to see the other boy like that. Kazu had always talked brightly and happily when it came to his family. He knew how much Kazu loved his parents, and he also knew that Kazu’s parents loved their children. So it was strange to see Kazu like that when he talked about his family.
“What did they do? Do I need to tell mom? Did they hurt you?”
“They didn’t hit me or something,” Kazu said, glaring at him. “Stop thinking that they would hit me or something. They would never.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault. You said they are liars, and you don’t want to go home, and you are here crying! What else should I think? Why did they lie to you? And about what?”
Kazu blew air out with a groan and hid his face behind his hands. Jun stared down at him, but let him be as he realised that he didn’t start rubbing his eyes again. “They are not my family?”
“Huh? Of course, they are,” Jun said, and Kazu shook his head.
“Are not. They told me that they are not my birth parents. I’m not their real son. They adopted me when I was young,” he said in a tiny voice, and Jun had problems understanding him at all. It took a moment for him to understand the implications of his words, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“What?”
“They adopted me. I’m not their son,” he cried again, pressing his hands against his face. He couldn’t help himself, and it hurt so much to think that he didn’t belong with them. Not truly, at least.
Jun blinked a moment in shock, trying to understand the words and make sense of them. The Ohno’s were so loving with all three of their children that he would never have thought that one of them didn’t belong to them like the rest. But somehow he also could see it. Kazu did look different from the rest. His face was thinner, and all Ohno’s had long graceful hands, Kazu’s was relatively small, which he only knew because Kazu whined about it so often.
“They told you that?” Jun asked as he found his voice and Kazu nodded mutely. Jun took his hands in his own so that he wouldn’t rub his eyes and then put his hand on top of Kazu’s eyes so that he would hold them close.
“This morning. I came here right away.”
“Why not Masaki?”
“Because Masa would just cry,” Kazu mumbled.
Jun giggled but nodded in agreement. “Sounds like him.”
Nino sighed and bit his lips. “It hurts,” he whispered, his voice again so very small and Jun felt just overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to say or do to help Kazu. He wished he could.
“That they adopted you?”
Kazu shook his head and then nodded before he shrugged helplessly. “I’m not their son.”
“You are,” Jun argued, and Kazu pulled off his hand to glare up at him.
“I’m not. I told you they adopted me.”
“And that still means you are an Ohno. They adopted you, they chose and made you their son, because they wanted to,” he said softly. “They raised you, right?”
Kazu nodded very slowly and stared at him with a slightly opened mouth and a wrinkled forehead as he thought it over.
“They made you their son. They are your mum and dad, they love you, your siblings love you, and you love them.”
“But they are not my real parents,” Kazu said stubbornly, and Jun sighed with a small frown on his face. His mind wandered back to a conversation he had with his parents about adoption and children and parents that couldn’t take care of their children. Jun had found the book on his bed, and slowly he realised that his parents must have known. They didn’t just get him that book because they thought it was something he should know in general.
It had been an interesting conversation, and he tried to remember what they had talked about. “Mum and dad told me that it’s easy to get a child, but not easy to be a parent and that those are two different things. I didn’t understand what they meant,” he whispered.
“I don’t get it,” Kazu said with a pout.
“That’s only because you are too stubborn to think about what I say,” he said with a grin and tweaked Kazu’s nose. He was just happy that Kazu was not crying anymore.
“Am not. I’m stupid.”
“You’re not,” Jun disagreed. “Anyway, what I mean is that your parents are your parents. They love you, they raised you, they comfort you when you are sad, they care for you when you are ill or hurt. That is what parents do. That is what people do that love you. It doesn’t matter if they are your real mum and dad or not. The things that matter are the things that they do. They love you, Kazu. You are their son. I’m sure they never want to hurt you or lie to you.”
“But they did.”
“Did they really, Kazu?”
“They always told me I’m their son.”
“And you are in their eyes you are, in my eyes you are, and I’m sure Masaki will say the same and our parents and our teachers and anybody you ask because they raised you. And did they really lie? Did they tell you that you were in your mum’s belly? That they birthed you?”
Kazu shook his head and stared to the side as he thought the words over. “No,” he said slowly. “But they never said so about Satoshi or Mina as well. And they are their children.”
“Really? Never any birthing stories? Any stories about when they were infants or something like that? Mum loves to tell me that I had a big head, and how they knew I was going to have a strong character because of my eyebrows I had just right after birth,” he snorted. “I’m sure there are embarrassing stories about your siblings as well.”
Kazu thought about it for a while and then nodded very slowly. There were some stories about those early days for Mina and Satoshi. Never about him. His stories started when he was already a toddler. He had just never questioned it.
“See? They didn’t lie to you.”
“But they didn’t tell me earlier,” he whispered.
“Of course not. They are scared, Kazu, I’m sure of it.”
“Why?”
“Because they love you, I told you. They are scared that you would hate them, I’m sure of that. I would fear that at least. And they don’t want you to feel unloved, or like you don’t belong. I’m sure they waited until they were sure you are old enough to understand those things.”
“Do you think they hate me?” Kazu asked in a small voice, and Jun shook his head.
“I think they never would be able to hate you,” he said with a smile. “And especially not because you ran away, ne? I’m sure they are worried. I’m sure your mum is crying and waiting for you to be home to make sure you are safe.”
“You really think so?”
“Yup, and I think you are a fortunate boy, and you shouldn’t think that you didn’t belong to them, Kazu. They choose you. That’s something else than being born into a family. That happens automatically; being adopted means that they loved you so much that they wanted you to belong to their family.”
Kazu nodded, and a tiny smile played on his lips at that thought. That was a nice thought, thinking that he was chosen and not that he was given away.
“Do you think that woman hates me?”
“I don’t know. Mum and dad told me that there are sometimes circumstances that make it impossible for women to raise their children and that they give them into adoption in hopes for a better future, even if it hurts them to leave their beloved child. I can’t tell why your mother gave you away, but you really shouldn’t think of the worst right away.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe she was young? Maybe she felt inadequate to be a mother, maybe she was ill or had no money? I really don’t know. I think you should ask your parents if you want to know.”
Kazu wrinkled his nose and sighed. “I don’t know…”
“You don’t have to decide now. I’m sure your parents will talk to you about it even if you want to know more on a later date. I’m pretty sure it’s not a one-time conversation.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, your parents don’t run away from problems.”
“They always tell us not to do so,” Kazu agreed and groaned as he closed his itchy eyes. He sat up and rubbed his face. “I’m stupid right? Because I ran away?”
“No, you are hurt and confused. We do stupid things when we are confused, but that doesn’t mean we are,” he said with pursed lips. “At least that’s what dad tells me. It would be best if you drank something, mum brought tea. I’m sure it’s cold now, though.”
“It’s fine,” Kazu mumbled taking the cup with a small frown as he drank it. Tea was better when it was warm, but it was bearable,” he decided as he finished the cup in one go.
“Can I stay for a while?”
“Yes, but you should call your parents. I’m sure they are worried.”
“I’m sure your mum called mama.”
“Maybe, but still,” Jun said, poking him. “Or are you scared?”
“No!” Kazu mumbled, but he was blushing as he pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment, instead of calling he wrote a message, pointedly not looking at Jun’s lifted eyebrow as he read the answer about being careful and telling her if he wanted to stay overnight.
They stayed for a while longer in Jun’s room, Kazu hiding away when Jun brought them new drinks and some cookies to nibble on. He was still deep in thought, and when Jun’s mother called them for dinner, he decided it was time to go home. He knew that staying overnight would be okay, but he didn’t want to do that. That would feel even more like running away. He thanked them for letting him stay the day and Jun’s mother for drying his clothes.
Nino stepped out of the house, frowning as he realised that it was still raining. He rubbed his face and stepped out to the street, confused when the rain suddenly stopped.
“Sato-nii,” he whispered in surprise when he saw his brother beside him, staring down warmly at him.
“Hey Kazu, let’s go home?”
Kazu nodded silently as he stayed close to his big brother, surprised that he was here, but he was not questioning it. “Are you mad, Sato-nii?”
“No, never.”
“I’m sorry I ran away.”
“It’s fine, but you should apologise to mum and dad later, ne? They are worried.”
Kazu nodded silently as he fidgeted slightly beside his big brother. He was scared about what awaited him at home. Satoshi watched him before sighing softly. He carefully put the umbrella into his other hand, making sure it was still covering mostly Kazu as he put an arm around his shoulder and hugged him close. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispered into his ear.
Kazu looked up and nodded again. “You stay?”
“I’ll be there, and I’m sure Mi-nee will be home as well when we arrive. And grandma and grandpa are going to give you an extra big hug next time you see them.”
“Our aunt will sneer at me.”
“She is an old hag,” Satoshi snorted. “She doesn’t count. You are much more an Ohno than she or her son can ever be,” he promised.
Kazu giggled but smiled a little bit brighter at those words.
Jun observed him for a moment, before clearing his throat and taking the wrist in his hand to stop Nino from further rubbing his eyes. “Stop it. You just make it worse that way.”
“Sorry,” Kazu mumbled, now staring at his clenched fist on top of his knees. He sighed tiredly, and Jun tugged him close again. He pulled and prodded Kazu until he was lying down, his head on his lap and patted his hair. His mother used to do it to him when he was sad as a little kid, and that was the only way he felt was okay to do right now. It was better than hugging at least. Kazu calmed down further and closed his surely hurting eyes.
“We can get a cool towel for your eyes?” Jun offered, but Kazu shook his head. He didn’t want to move right now because he felt too comfortable right now and he really didn’t want to be left alone in Jun’s room, neither did he want to leave the room.
“So what’s up with you? What happened? Did someone do something to you?” Jun asked, his brows furrowed, and his nose wrinkled. If someone would have hurt Kazu, he was sure that he would have run home to his family. He would only end up here if Jun were that much closer. “Shall I take you home?”
Kazu shook his head and sniffled. Jun stiffened slightly, fearing that Kazu would start crying again, sighing in relief when no tears came. “I don’t want to go home. They all lied to me,” he whispered, his voice broken and full of pain. Jun was surprised, and somehow his heart hurt to see the other boy like that. Kazu had always talked brightly and happily when it came to his family. He knew how much Kazu loved his parents, and he also knew that Kazu’s parents loved their children. So it was strange to see Kazu like that when he talked about his family.
“What did they do? Do I need to tell mom? Did they hurt you?”
“They didn’t hit me or something,” Kazu said, glaring at him. “Stop thinking that they would hit me or something. They would never.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault. You said they are liars, and you don’t want to go home, and you are here crying! What else should I think? Why did they lie to you? And about what?”
Kazu blew air out with a groan and hid his face behind his hands. Jun stared down at him, but let him be as he realised that he didn’t start rubbing his eyes again. “They are not my family?”
“Huh? Of course, they are,” Jun said, and Kazu shook his head.
“Are not. They told me that they are not my birth parents. I’m not their real son. They adopted me when I was young,” he said in a tiny voice, and Jun had problems understanding him at all. It took a moment for him to understand the implications of his words, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“What?”
“They adopted me. I’m not their son,” he cried again, pressing his hands against his face. He couldn’t help himself, and it hurt so much to think that he didn’t belong with them. Not truly, at least.
Jun blinked a moment in shock, trying to understand the words and make sense of them. The Ohno’s were so loving with all three of their children that he would never have thought that one of them didn’t belong to them like the rest. But somehow he also could see it. Kazu did look different from the rest. His face was thinner, and all Ohno’s had long graceful hands, Kazu’s was relatively small, which he only knew because Kazu whined about it so often.
“They told you that?” Jun asked as he found his voice and Kazu nodded mutely. Jun took his hands in his own so that he wouldn’t rub his eyes and then put his hand on top of Kazu’s eyes so that he would hold them close.
“This morning. I came here right away.”
“Why not Masaki?”
“Because Masa would just cry,” Kazu mumbled.
Jun giggled but nodded in agreement. “Sounds like him.”
Nino sighed and bit his lips. “It hurts,” he whispered, his voice again so very small and Jun felt just overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to say or do to help Kazu. He wished he could.
“That they adopted you?”
Kazu shook his head and then nodded before he shrugged helplessly. “I’m not their son.”
“You are,” Jun argued, and Kazu pulled off his hand to glare up at him.
“I’m not. I told you they adopted me.”
“And that still means you are an Ohno. They adopted you, they chose and made you their son, because they wanted to,” he said softly. “They raised you, right?”
Kazu nodded very slowly and stared at him with a slightly opened mouth and a wrinkled forehead as he thought it over.
“They made you their son. They are your mum and dad, they love you, your siblings love you, and you love them.”
“But they are not my real parents,” Kazu said stubbornly, and Jun sighed with a small frown on his face. His mind wandered back to a conversation he had with his parents about adoption and children and parents that couldn’t take care of their children. Jun had found the book on his bed, and slowly he realised that his parents must have known. They didn’t just get him that book because they thought it was something he should know in general.
It had been an interesting conversation, and he tried to remember what they had talked about. “Mum and dad told me that it’s easy to get a child, but not easy to be a parent and that those are two different things. I didn’t understand what they meant,” he whispered.
“I don’t get it,” Kazu said with a pout.
“That’s only because you are too stubborn to think about what I say,” he said with a grin and tweaked Kazu’s nose. He was just happy that Kazu was not crying anymore.
“Am not. I’m stupid.”
“You’re not,” Jun disagreed. “Anyway, what I mean is that your parents are your parents. They love you, they raised you, they comfort you when you are sad, they care for you when you are ill or hurt. That is what parents do. That is what people do that love you. It doesn’t matter if they are your real mum and dad or not. The things that matter are the things that they do. They love you, Kazu. You are their son. I’m sure they never want to hurt you or lie to you.”
“But they did.”
“Did they really, Kazu?”
“They always told me I’m their son.”
“And you are in their eyes you are, in my eyes you are, and I’m sure Masaki will say the same and our parents and our teachers and anybody you ask because they raised you. And did they really lie? Did they tell you that you were in your mum’s belly? That they birthed you?”
Kazu shook his head and stared to the side as he thought the words over. “No,” he said slowly. “But they never said so about Satoshi or Mina as well. And they are their children.”
“Really? Never any birthing stories? Any stories about when they were infants or something like that? Mum loves to tell me that I had a big head, and how they knew I was going to have a strong character because of my eyebrows I had just right after birth,” he snorted. “I’m sure there are embarrassing stories about your siblings as well.”
Kazu thought about it for a while and then nodded very slowly. There were some stories about those early days for Mina and Satoshi. Never about him. His stories started when he was already a toddler. He had just never questioned it.
“See? They didn’t lie to you.”
“But they didn’t tell me earlier,” he whispered.
“Of course not. They are scared, Kazu, I’m sure of it.”
“Why?”
“Because they love you, I told you. They are scared that you would hate them, I’m sure of that. I would fear that at least. And they don’t want you to feel unloved, or like you don’t belong. I’m sure they waited until they were sure you are old enough to understand those things.”
“Do you think they hate me?” Kazu asked in a small voice, and Jun shook his head.
“I think they never would be able to hate you,” he said with a smile. “And especially not because you ran away, ne? I’m sure they are worried. I’m sure your mum is crying and waiting for you to be home to make sure you are safe.”
“You really think so?”
“Yup, and I think you are a fortunate boy, and you shouldn’t think that you didn’t belong to them, Kazu. They choose you. That’s something else than being born into a family. That happens automatically; being adopted means that they loved you so much that they wanted you to belong to their family.”
Kazu nodded, and a tiny smile played on his lips at that thought. That was a nice thought, thinking that he was chosen and not that he was given away.
“Do you think that woman hates me?”
“I don’t know. Mum and dad told me that there are sometimes circumstances that make it impossible for women to raise their children and that they give them into adoption in hopes for a better future, even if it hurts them to leave their beloved child. I can’t tell why your mother gave you away, but you really shouldn’t think of the worst right away.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe she was young? Maybe she felt inadequate to be a mother, maybe she was ill or had no money? I really don’t know. I think you should ask your parents if you want to know.”
Kazu wrinkled his nose and sighed. “I don’t know…”
“You don’t have to decide now. I’m sure your parents will talk to you about it even if you want to know more on a later date. I’m pretty sure it’s not a one-time conversation.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, your parents don’t run away from problems.”
“They always tell us not to do so,” Kazu agreed and groaned as he closed his itchy eyes. He sat up and rubbed his face. “I’m stupid right? Because I ran away?”
“No, you are hurt and confused. We do stupid things when we are confused, but that doesn’t mean we are,” he said with pursed lips. “At least that’s what dad tells me. It would be best if you drank something, mum brought tea. I’m sure it’s cold now, though.”
“It’s fine,” Kazu mumbled taking the cup with a small frown as he drank it. Tea was better when it was warm, but it was bearable,” he decided as he finished the cup in one go.
“Can I stay for a while?”
“Yes, but you should call your parents. I’m sure they are worried.”
“I’m sure your mum called mama.”
“Maybe, but still,” Jun said, poking him. “Or are you scared?”
“No!” Kazu mumbled, but he was blushing as he pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment, instead of calling he wrote a message, pointedly not looking at Jun’s lifted eyebrow as he read the answer about being careful and telling her if he wanted to stay overnight.
They stayed for a while longer in Jun’s room, Kazu hiding away when Jun brought them new drinks and some cookies to nibble on. He was still deep in thought, and when Jun’s mother called them for dinner, he decided it was time to go home. He knew that staying overnight would be okay, but he didn’t want to do that. That would feel even more like running away. He thanked them for letting him stay the day and Jun’s mother for drying his clothes.
Nino stepped out of the house, frowning as he realised that it was still raining. He rubbed his face and stepped out to the street, confused when the rain suddenly stopped.
“Sato-nii,” he whispered in surprise when he saw his brother beside him, staring down warmly at him.
“Hey Kazu, let’s go home?”
Kazu nodded silently as he stayed close to his big brother, surprised that he was here, but he was not questioning it. “Are you mad, Sato-nii?”
“No, never.”
“I’m sorry I ran away.”
“It’s fine, but you should apologise to mum and dad later, ne? They are worried.”
Kazu nodded silently as he fidgeted slightly beside his big brother. He was scared about what awaited him at home. Satoshi watched him before sighing softly. He carefully put the umbrella into his other hand, making sure it was still covering mostly Kazu as he put an arm around his shoulder and hugged him close. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispered into his ear.
Kazu looked up and nodded again. “You stay?”
“I’ll be there, and I’m sure Mi-nee will be home as well when we arrive. And grandma and grandpa are going to give you an extra big hug next time you see them.”
“Our aunt will sneer at me.”
“She is an old hag,” Satoshi snorted. “She doesn’t count. You are much more an Ohno than she or her son can ever be,” he promised.
Kazu giggled but smiled a little bit brighter at those words.