WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I haven't updated in a while, I know, but here's what's been going on.
Mike and I decided we'd just be on "a break" until I get home. We would get back together, provided he followed a few rules for the entirety of the two months before I got home. They were:
1. No drinking, at all.
2. Cut back on weed use.
3. Tell friends what is going on.
4. See a councelor, every week.
He was doing so well. He went a whole month without drinking. His councelor decided he only needed to see him once every 2 weeks, so he's not really following the rules there but that's not his fault. Last week, I found out that he hasn't cut back on his weed use at all, and he forgot to go to his appointment. He also hadn't told his friends about what was going on, so they were therefore still pressuring him to drink. I was upset. Really, really upset. But as per the rules which he made for me, I kept a level head and didn't yell at him. I explained what was wrong and we talked about it and he agreed to fix it in the last month. Then Friday comes, and it's his birthday party. And he drinks. Then sends me a Facebook message telling me he wasn't drunk and I should be glad he told me, because the relationship needs to be built on trust. Seriously? I fucking know the relationship needs to be based on trust, and that's why he wasn't drinking - to regain back my trust after choosing alcohol over me. I had even told him last week I still expected him not to drink even at his birthday party. But he goes and does it anyway. When I made those rules, I expected him to follow through. I told him if he didn't, we wouldn't get back together and that would be it. But I didn't expect that it would come to that. And now that it has, I don't know if I can stand to follow through on what I said. I don't want it to be over. But I can't trust him, and what kind of relationship would that be?
Mike and I decided we'd just be on "a break" until I get home. We would get back together, provided he followed a few rules for the entirety of the two months before I got home. They were:
1. No drinking, at all.
2. Cut back on weed use.
3. Tell friends what is going on.
4. See a councelor, every week.
He was doing so well. He went a whole month without drinking. His councelor decided he only needed to see him once every 2 weeks, so he's not really following the rules there but that's not his fault. Last week, I found out that he hasn't cut back on his weed use at all, and he forgot to go to his appointment. He also hadn't told his friends about what was going on, so they were therefore still pressuring him to drink. I was upset. Really, really upset. But as per the rules which he made for me, I kept a level head and didn't yell at him. I explained what was wrong and we talked about it and he agreed to fix it in the last month. Then Friday comes, and it's his birthday party. And he drinks. Then sends me a Facebook message telling me he wasn't drunk and I should be glad he told me, because the relationship needs to be built on trust. Seriously? I fucking know the relationship needs to be based on trust, and that's why he wasn't drinking - to regain back my trust after choosing alcohol over me. I had even told him last week I still expected him not to drink even at his birthday party. But he goes and does it anyway. When I made those rules, I expected him to follow through. I told him if he didn't, we wouldn't get back together and that would be it. But I didn't expect that it would come to that. And now that it has, I don't know if I can stand to follow through on what I said. I don't want it to be over. But I can't trust him, and what kind of relationship would that be?