Mar 14, 2009 23:55
Yes, the "it's over" was in regard to my relationship. And in my previous posts, I left out some information because Mike asked me not to tell anyone. So I told my mom, because she needed the full story to give me advice, but I didn't tell anyone else because it wouldn't be fair. But now, I no longer have that obligation, and since I'm sure people will ask what happened, here's the full story.
So when Mike almost cheated on me, he was horrendously drunk. I wasn't around to hear about this because I was in Norway. I return home to find 3 Facebook messages - all appologizing and telling me how stupid he is, saying he's sorry and doesn't deserve me. He said he was tired of messing up his life with alcohol and was going to quit entirely, and going to go see a councelor for help. He then proceeded to say that if he continued drinking, I should break up with him.
Monday rolls around, and he tells me what happens. My reason for staying with him rested heavily on the fact that he clearly realized he was being an idiot, and finally realized that he drinks far too much and it's really bad for him. If he didn't drink at all, not even a single drink, until I got home, I knew I could trust him. The councelor would help him learn to drink responsibly, and eventually I wouldn't have to worry about him getting to shit faced that he wouldn't be in control of what he was doing. He knew this was the condition to staying with me and he gladly accepted it. He asked for my help and I said I'd always be here when he needed support.
Yesterday, we got into a fight over something stupid - I don't quite remember what. It escalated into him telling me, purely to upset me, that he does weed about once a week. When I was under the impression that he had quit. Then, he breaks up with me because I got upset at the thing he had said to intentionally upset me. I then spent the next hour convincing him it was a bad idea. Eventually, he realized it was, and we were still together. I should have known this wouldn't be the end of it.
So I talked to my mom ... again ... and she said that maybe I should consider going on a break, at least until I get home. I said I didn't want to, but I had actually been thinking that he may need one. So she said to tell him that. I did, and he said he'd think about it, and then decided he really didn't want to. So everything was good, and we were having a good little chat on Skype. He started talking about how hard today would be for him - it's his friend's birthday, as well as St Patricks Day weekend, and he knew all his friends would be really drunk and he wouldn't be. I told him it wouldn't be that bad - just get high. (And for the record, I HATED that he did weed. So very much. Don't ask me to explain why, I just did. It was a huge problem in the beginning of the relationship. So the fact that I recommended it to him was a huge deal.) He said that was sort of what he had planned, but it would still suck. I told him it wouldn't be all that bad, and it seemed like I had convinced him that this would really be as bad as it gets. And really, it would. It's a weekend, and 2 holidays in one for him - that totally sucks, but it's never going to be worse than that. He then got really quiet and was just thinking for about 5-10 minutes. He just kept saying how much today was going to suck, how it was going to be awful. And I could tell he was thinking about the relationship, as well. Normally I'm all for convincing him that everything will be alright when he freaks out. But I'm really sick, I probably have the flu. And I had to spend an hour last night convincing him things would be OK, and all week being hurt about the fact that he had spent an entire night flirting with some girl and then almost cheated on me. And I couldn't take it anymore. I just wasn't up for convincing him tonight. So I said, "If you want to have this conversation now, we can. But I am sick and tired and just completely worn out, and I don't think I have it in me to convince you to stay in the relationship." So he broke up with me. Basically, his reasoning was that he was giving up something huge (drinking) for someone who was so far away (me). Which means he essentially chose alcohol over me. What. A. Prick. Oh, and before he hung up he said, "I'm so sorry. I love you, I really love you so much." No. You don't get to say that.
Obviously I could be wrong, but I'm almost positive that within the next week he will decide he made a bad decision. But I'm not going to talk to him. He chose drinking over me. Clearly, he has a problem, and I can't be the one to fix him. I've tried, I have. But I can't do it any more. I love him so very very much, but I can't deal with it. I don't know what else I could do.
So, today sucks. Hardcore. But Mike has broken my heart too many times now. I love him and I honestly could have seen myself being with him forever, as stupid as that may sound at this point. But I could. So here I am, heartbroken again, this time because the person I love chose intoxication over a relationship. If this were a funny story, and not pathetic, it would be completely appropriate for fmylife.com.