(no subject)
Ergh. Sometimes I wish my feelings for Sean weren't so... fluctuatey. Well, they really don't fluctuate, if they did, I wouldn't marry him- I am always crazy in love with him, even when he is EXASPERATING. Today he managed to insult my cooking, taste in books, taste in wedding dresses, and taste in movies all within about an hour. Augh. Not to mention he is completely uninterested in wedding planning. Now, in total honesty, I cannot blame him for being completely uninterested in wedding planning, because a) he is a man and b) I, personally, am totally uninterested in wedding planning. But somehow, even though we both have a generally equal disinterest level, somehow I am the only one considering things like why anyone would charge $1.50 per slice to cut a cake, or why tables should even HAVE centerpieces, much less ones I have to pay money for. And by "considering" I mean "being annoyed about," because we STILL have no budget because I STILL don't have a full-time job. Which I can technically only blame myself for... but the stress of being very behind, and thus worried about whether I can even plan a fall wedding, is, how can I put this... only on me. I am the one learning about things I have no interest in, while Sean will just show up the day of, and probably complain about EVERYTHING. If he tells me afterwards that he hates my wedding dress, I am annulling him, and that is final. I forewarned him, so it's his own fault if he ends up returning wedding presents while I take our honeymoon with some hot guy I pick up at the airport.
But, since he's the one I fell in love with, I can't be mad that he isn't the imaginary "person I thought I'd end up with" who wants to take dancing lessons and loves to read and likes foreign films, doesn't want a TV in the bedroom and isn't scared of planes AND boats (i.e. unlike someone I could name who "won't fly over water"- like FUCK I am not going to the Carribean on our honeymoon! We compromised- half where I want, half at Disneyworld, and I am NOT losing my virginity at Disneyworld!).
But again, he does have a vast store of brownie points to use up on things like telling me my Ethiopian chicken sounds gross, and tonight he also changed the way he gets his hair cut just for me, and I certainly give as good as I get. The above imaginary person wouldn't be nearly as spunky, and then I would be sad. Who wants to be part of a couple where you don't make fun of each other all the time? Not me. After all this time we're still... sparky, and that is worth choosing colors by myself (but not the fine china, no way is he getting out of that one).
So, mainly I am just upset because I am ready for life to get ON with it already. I am beyond ready to move out and starting planning and just, well, move forward. I feel so stagnant, it is so frustrating, and I am taking it out on everyone. So, if I snap at you sometime in the next month, I apologize in advance... I will probably be completely unbearable until someone finally hires me full-time.
But, since he's the one I fell in love with, I can't be mad that he isn't the imaginary "person I thought I'd end up with" who wants to take dancing lessons and loves to read and likes foreign films, doesn't want a TV in the bedroom and isn't scared of planes AND boats (i.e. unlike someone I could name who "won't fly over water"- like FUCK I am not going to the Carribean on our honeymoon! We compromised- half where I want, half at Disneyworld, and I am NOT losing my virginity at Disneyworld!).
But again, he does have a vast store of brownie points to use up on things like telling me my Ethiopian chicken sounds gross, and tonight he also changed the way he gets his hair cut just for me, and I certainly give as good as I get. The above imaginary person wouldn't be nearly as spunky, and then I would be sad. Who wants to be part of a couple where you don't make fun of each other all the time? Not me. After all this time we're still... sparky, and that is worth choosing colors by myself (but not the fine china, no way is he getting out of that one).
So, mainly I am just upset because I am ready for life to get ON with it already. I am beyond ready to move out and starting planning and just, well, move forward. I feel so stagnant, it is so frustrating, and I am taking it out on everyone. So, if I snap at you sometime in the next month, I apologize in advance... I will probably be completely unbearable until someone finally hires me full-time.