Nearing the holidays...
Well, 6 more days until I visit the familia in Florida. It will be a really late flight but for $150 on Thanksgiving week, can't beat it. I'm excited to go. I just need to get away from the norm and visit with family. I need it bad. When I get back I'm hoping I come back refreshed or renewed or at least with some kind of different outlook on things. I have become somewhat numb to certain things...I think because they are constantly running through my head with no real resolution.
Alex has finally found us a counselor near where I work and we're going to try that but I'm not 100% sure how it's going to go. He's been trying to work on the things that I asked him to and I'm afraid I haven't been working as hard on my things. I feel awkward with him now...like I don't know if there's going back. I am still strongly attached to him but not sure of my deeper feelings. Not to mention, I haven't seen or been with my friends in a while and for some reason their's always tension between us where my friends are concerned and I'm not sure why. Maybe they bring out me and he doesn't like the real me. I don't know. These are things I'm hoping to explore with the counselor but we shall see.
Another thing, I feel flirtatious. I shouldn't feel super flirtatious if I'm happy should I? I have chatted with some people and sought out people with similar interests that I've come to find cute and I'm split. Part of me feels guilty and part of me is exhilerated to kinda flirt with others. I sometimes wonder what might have been if I hadn't gotten involved with Alex. I know my life would be EXTREMELY different and not necessarily for the better but I might have found someone more compatible with "me". Who knows...just typing out loud I suppose.
Those of you who know me know how conflicted I am on the matter. I know you wish the best for me and all I can say is thanks for supporting me on whatever decisions I make. I just wish relationships were a little bit easier. I have a lot of love to give but I have a lot to share beyond that and I'm just not sure what to do about it.
Alex has finally found us a counselor near where I work and we're going to try that but I'm not 100% sure how it's going to go. He's been trying to work on the things that I asked him to and I'm afraid I haven't been working as hard on my things. I feel awkward with him now...like I don't know if there's going back. I am still strongly attached to him but not sure of my deeper feelings. Not to mention, I haven't seen or been with my friends in a while and for some reason their's always tension between us where my friends are concerned and I'm not sure why. Maybe they bring out me and he doesn't like the real me. I don't know. These are things I'm hoping to explore with the counselor but we shall see.
Another thing, I feel flirtatious. I shouldn't feel super flirtatious if I'm happy should I? I have chatted with some people and sought out people with similar interests that I've come to find cute and I'm split. Part of me feels guilty and part of me is exhilerated to kinda flirt with others. I sometimes wonder what might have been if I hadn't gotten involved with Alex. I know my life would be EXTREMELY different and not necessarily for the better but I might have found someone more compatible with "me". Who knows...just typing out loud I suppose.
Those of you who know me know how conflicted I am on the matter. I know you wish the best for me and all I can say is thanks for supporting me on whatever decisions I make. I just wish relationships were a little bit easier. I have a lot of love to give but I have a lot to share beyond that and I'm just not sure what to do about it.