A Journey Through Time
In the beginning there was nothing. And then, out of the ashes, there became Brian Piccolo. Born of the stars and breast fed upon the teat of the galaxy Milky Way, Brian Piccolo would become 1) a simple travel soccer coach, and 2) a legendary icon, beloved by the quaint citizens of Cooper city, and the world. At the age of six Brian Piccolo discovered his fondness for cows. He single handedly rounded up almost thirty cows with but a mere flash of the teeth. No man, woman, or cow could resist such a grin. Brian Piccolo then taught each cow the art of carpentry and fence building. They built a fence so high some say you could see all the way to mid-cooper city! But due to the neighboring Pembroke Pines vaulted fence ordinance, it was scaled back to regulation size (all labor by cows). One day Brian Piccolo was tilling the soil and checking the PH balance, when all of a sudden for no apparent reason, the cows started totally freaking out, and soon young Brian Piccolo would be hospitalized due to severe trampling.
In his bed he wondered why, but knew nothing until his doctor/cow doctor, Andora Creterson, informed him that both him and his cows had come down with a bad case of cancer. Brian Piccolo would be in intensive care for a year. While bed-ridden he made use of his free time by crafting miniature replicas of famous sports arenas. He found that in doing so, his finger dexterity had increased to almost super-human abilities. While crafting a particularly troublesome model of a brazilin futbol stadium and simultaneously eating a lunch of steamed veggies and rice, a pea fell out of his mouth and onto the replica. With a flick of his finger the pea went rocketing into the goal net. And thus, the first travel soccer game was played. Dr. Andora Creterson had grossly underestimated the length of Brian Piccolo’s treatment, but in her defense, she was stretched quite thin due to the growing popularity of her widely acclaimed Ball Movement.
For the next twenty years Brian Piccolo was in and out of treatment, and stuck in bed for most of it. But his passion for life had not dwindled. He had found new meaning through the lively sport of travel soccer, and soon, finger jockeys from around the globe were jet-setting their asses to the Anna Nicole Smith Skyscraper Memorial Hospital in Cooper City, just to take a crack at the incredible Brian Piccolo. In a few short weeks, travel soccer teams were popping up all over and they all wanted Brian Piccolo as their coach. Brian Piccolo wanted to coach them all, but couldn’t because of the cancer thing. So, Brian Piccolo, with the help of legendary filmmaker Andora Creterson, developed a series of travel soccer training videos. They became an instant hit and were entitled Travel Soccer Phenom: It Can Be You, with Brian Piccolo. With the money he made from the videos he was able to fly in top cancer specialist, Simeon Simeon, to perform some crazy cancer surgery on him and all his cows.
The now cured Brian Piccolo and his band of cows purchased a manor on Silver Star Road in the mid-central district of Cooper City. For a couple of weeks things stayed pretty low key for Brian Piccolo. He just hung out at his house, swam with his cows in the giant cow-shaped pool, and read like a thousand issues of Soil Experts Weekly. But everything was about to change. The mayor of Cooper City had been caught dealing in shifty business involving the illegal trafficking of rare spined cactus lizards. The spines of the lizards could be used to create a highly potent toxin that created the illusion of weightlessness and severed hallucinations. He had also developed a nasty addiction to the stuff and was dragged out of office screaming about needing something to weigh him down, and ink sacs. Brian Piccolo heard the news and had the notion to seize a once in a lifetime opportunity. Brian Piccolo ran for the title of city mayor (unopposed) and won. He also decided upon coaching the Cooper City Elementary travel soccer team, The Cows. Brian Piccolo had reached the top.
Brian Piccolo made mostly good executive decisions; he ordered for the banning of all pesticides, the guarantee of a weekly parade and, and no smoking with concern for the health for their now state champion travel soccer team. The town of Cooper City was so pleased with Brian Piccolo’s mayoral reign that they opted to change the title of mayor to the title of Brian Piccolo. That Sunday they held the first parade. It was a grand spectacle (the grandest possible with only sixteen citizens living in Cooper City). Heading the parade was but of course Brian Piccolo, majestically poised on the back of his favorite cow, Lady Firehooves. Dressed in cargo shorts and a denim half vest, a silk sash draped around his left shoulder, he led them the perimeter of Cooper City and down the middle to town center. Rearing up the end was Dr. Andora Creterson and her lover, Simeon Simeon, both riding a bull steer decorated with the finest of ribbons and impressive doodads. At. Town center they held a festival of compliments, all of which were directed toward the man of the century, Brian Piccolo. (One toward Lady Firehooves). At the podium with a foot long coney hot dog in his right hand, he pronounced that very moment to be the happiest of his life.
Suddenly, tragedy struck! Brian Piccolo dropped his coney and fell to his knees. It was cancer, back for revenge. There was a sixteen-fold gasp and Dr. Andora Creterson leapt from the steer, Cornerstone, and clutched Brian Piccolo firmly in her arms. Brian Piccolo gazed up at Dr. Andora Creterson with glazed eyes and whispered his last words. And then, Brian Piccolo was gone. Wiping a tear from her eye, Dr. Andora Creterson stood and pronounced the beloved Brian Piccolo dead. Simeon Simeon brought in a casket made out of solid ivory he had procured from a traveling casket and antique teapot salesman. They buried Brian Piccolo in the field where the first fence was erected. Dr. Andora Creterson played a short-sweet trumpet solo, and that was that.
The town of cooper city decided to hold a grand travel soccer tournament in memoriam of the great Brian Piccolo. Travel soccer teams from around the world came to Cooper City to compete in Brian Piccolo’s honor. Yet before the tournament was scheduled to begin, the people of Cooper City realized that there was no one to referee the match. One man shouted out into the crowd asking if anyone was able and qualified to do the job. Silence. And then a familiar voice boomed from across the crowd. “I’ll do it.” The mob slowly parted down the center and up walked none other than the undead Brian Piccolo. A collective murmur washed over the people. Thanks to Dr. Andora Creterson’s brilliant knowledge of human and cow bodies, she had reanimated Brian Piccolo with completely new cow organs. Oh, and he was also immortal. Brian Piccolo asked to see his cows, but sadly it was told to him that, like true lovers, they had all died within a week of Brian Piccolo’s death. It is thought that they all died of udder sorrow. But one would live on, for the new hearth that was beating inside of Brian Piccolo’s chest was that of Lady Firehoove’s.
Brian Piccolo continued to ref the occasional travel soccer game, and got a whole new batch of cows. He declined, though, to regain his title of Brian Piccolo, so the city had to elect a new one. Eventually Simeon Simeon was elected as new Brian Piccolo, and Brian Piccolo now tends to the Brian Piccolo Memorial Park in Cooper City, a very special place.
In his bed he wondered why, but knew nothing until his doctor/cow doctor, Andora Creterson, informed him that both him and his cows had come down with a bad case of cancer. Brian Piccolo would be in intensive care for a year. While bed-ridden he made use of his free time by crafting miniature replicas of famous sports arenas. He found that in doing so, his finger dexterity had increased to almost super-human abilities. While crafting a particularly troublesome model of a brazilin futbol stadium and simultaneously eating a lunch of steamed veggies and rice, a pea fell out of his mouth and onto the replica. With a flick of his finger the pea went rocketing into the goal net. And thus, the first travel soccer game was played. Dr. Andora Creterson had grossly underestimated the length of Brian Piccolo’s treatment, but in her defense, she was stretched quite thin due to the growing popularity of her widely acclaimed Ball Movement.
For the next twenty years Brian Piccolo was in and out of treatment, and stuck in bed for most of it. But his passion for life had not dwindled. He had found new meaning through the lively sport of travel soccer, and soon, finger jockeys from around the globe were jet-setting their asses to the Anna Nicole Smith Skyscraper Memorial Hospital in Cooper City, just to take a crack at the incredible Brian Piccolo. In a few short weeks, travel soccer teams were popping up all over and they all wanted Brian Piccolo as their coach. Brian Piccolo wanted to coach them all, but couldn’t because of the cancer thing. So, Brian Piccolo, with the help of legendary filmmaker Andora Creterson, developed a series of travel soccer training videos. They became an instant hit and were entitled Travel Soccer Phenom: It Can Be You, with Brian Piccolo. With the money he made from the videos he was able to fly in top cancer specialist, Simeon Simeon, to perform some crazy cancer surgery on him and all his cows.
The now cured Brian Piccolo and his band of cows purchased a manor on Silver Star Road in the mid-central district of Cooper City. For a couple of weeks things stayed pretty low key for Brian Piccolo. He just hung out at his house, swam with his cows in the giant cow-shaped pool, and read like a thousand issues of Soil Experts Weekly. But everything was about to change. The mayor of Cooper City had been caught dealing in shifty business involving the illegal trafficking of rare spined cactus lizards. The spines of the lizards could be used to create a highly potent toxin that created the illusion of weightlessness and severed hallucinations. He had also developed a nasty addiction to the stuff and was dragged out of office screaming about needing something to weigh him down, and ink sacs. Brian Piccolo heard the news and had the notion to seize a once in a lifetime opportunity. Brian Piccolo ran for the title of city mayor (unopposed) and won. He also decided upon coaching the Cooper City Elementary travel soccer team, The Cows. Brian Piccolo had reached the top.
Brian Piccolo made mostly good executive decisions; he ordered for the banning of all pesticides, the guarantee of a weekly parade and, and no smoking with concern for the health for their now state champion travel soccer team. The town of Cooper City was so pleased with Brian Piccolo’s mayoral reign that they opted to change the title of mayor to the title of Brian Piccolo. That Sunday they held the first parade. It was a grand spectacle (the grandest possible with only sixteen citizens living in Cooper City). Heading the parade was but of course Brian Piccolo, majestically poised on the back of his favorite cow, Lady Firehooves. Dressed in cargo shorts and a denim half vest, a silk sash draped around his left shoulder, he led them the perimeter of Cooper City and down the middle to town center. Rearing up the end was Dr. Andora Creterson and her lover, Simeon Simeon, both riding a bull steer decorated with the finest of ribbons and impressive doodads. At. Town center they held a festival of compliments, all of which were directed toward the man of the century, Brian Piccolo. (One toward Lady Firehooves). At the podium with a foot long coney hot dog in his right hand, he pronounced that very moment to be the happiest of his life.
Suddenly, tragedy struck! Brian Piccolo dropped his coney and fell to his knees. It was cancer, back for revenge. There was a sixteen-fold gasp and Dr. Andora Creterson leapt from the steer, Cornerstone, and clutched Brian Piccolo firmly in her arms. Brian Piccolo gazed up at Dr. Andora Creterson with glazed eyes and whispered his last words. And then, Brian Piccolo was gone. Wiping a tear from her eye, Dr. Andora Creterson stood and pronounced the beloved Brian Piccolo dead. Simeon Simeon brought in a casket made out of solid ivory he had procured from a traveling casket and antique teapot salesman. They buried Brian Piccolo in the field where the first fence was erected. Dr. Andora Creterson played a short-sweet trumpet solo, and that was that.
The town of cooper city decided to hold a grand travel soccer tournament in memoriam of the great Brian Piccolo. Travel soccer teams from around the world came to Cooper City to compete in Brian Piccolo’s honor. Yet before the tournament was scheduled to begin, the people of Cooper City realized that there was no one to referee the match. One man shouted out into the crowd asking if anyone was able and qualified to do the job. Silence. And then a familiar voice boomed from across the crowd. “I’ll do it.” The mob slowly parted down the center and up walked none other than the undead Brian Piccolo. A collective murmur washed over the people. Thanks to Dr. Andora Creterson’s brilliant knowledge of human and cow bodies, she had reanimated Brian Piccolo with completely new cow organs. Oh, and he was also immortal. Brian Piccolo asked to see his cows, but sadly it was told to him that, like true lovers, they had all died within a week of Brian Piccolo’s death. It is thought that they all died of udder sorrow. But one would live on, for the new hearth that was beating inside of Brian Piccolo’s chest was that of Lady Firehoove’s.
Brian Piccolo continued to ref the occasional travel soccer game, and got a whole new batch of cows. He declined, though, to regain his title of Brian Piccolo, so the city had to elect a new one. Eventually Simeon Simeon was elected as new Brian Piccolo, and Brian Piccolo now tends to the Brian Piccolo Memorial Park in Cooper City, a very special place.