If I only knew
Sometimes I have an eerie feeling that things happen for a reason.
This has nothing to do with the belief in God or a god. But, judging how events in my life have transpired this far, the final payoff I have received in the end has allowed me to partially come to terms with things. I don't even really know what I mean, its just this feeling I get.
Sometimes I think that I am poor for a reason, I think that it makes me care more. I think it lets me appreciate what I have more (although I fail to do that sometimes). It has let me become really passionate about the issue of poverty and general, which I am starting to really get involved in. I just don't think I would think about it as much if I didn't have personal experience. I think it gives me a drive and empathy for people that I don't know if I would have if i was more economically fortunate. Many wealthy people have the same drive or a stronger one, but I think its my personal motivating force.
I could elaborate on other things in my life that seem fated. Fated things that have ended up teaching me something. Struggling with my appearance, struggling in school, struggling with depression. I have really reconciled what that one means yet. What made me think about this subject today was that I was reflecting on some particularly hard parts of this first semester in college..and thinking maybe they happened for a reason. Although I realize I am fortunate, sometimes happy, and have friends, maybe I feel alone and sad and temporary a lot for a reason. Maybe I don't need to be burdened with tons of other people now because I am on a mission. Maybe it is taking me a while to get comfortable with people because the people I am slowly meeting are going to be so important. Maybe this is all happening the hard painful way it has been so that I can finally change for the better in ways that I have been broken for years...maybe this is all happening so I can "find myself" I don't even know what I am talking about. Things just perhaps seem like they are getting better. I am so scared to admit that because I will be so disappointed if they aren't. The one occurence in my life that I can rationalize as changing me for the better is the mess with my dad.
This has nothing to do with the belief in God or a god. But, judging how events in my life have transpired this far, the final payoff I have received in the end has allowed me to partially come to terms with things. I don't even really know what I mean, its just this feeling I get.
Sometimes I think that I am poor for a reason, I think that it makes me care more. I think it lets me appreciate what I have more (although I fail to do that sometimes). It has let me become really passionate about the issue of poverty and general, which I am starting to really get involved in. I just don't think I would think about it as much if I didn't have personal experience. I think it gives me a drive and empathy for people that I don't know if I would have if i was more economically fortunate. Many wealthy people have the same drive or a stronger one, but I think its my personal motivating force.
I could elaborate on other things in my life that seem fated. Fated things that have ended up teaching me something. Struggling with my appearance, struggling in school, struggling with depression. I have really reconciled what that one means yet. What made me think about this subject today was that I was reflecting on some particularly hard parts of this first semester in college..and thinking maybe they happened for a reason. Although I realize I am fortunate, sometimes happy, and have friends, maybe I feel alone and sad and temporary a lot for a reason. Maybe I don't need to be burdened with tons of other people now because I am on a mission. Maybe it is taking me a while to get comfortable with people because the people I am slowly meeting are going to be so important. Maybe this is all happening the hard painful way it has been so that I can finally change for the better in ways that I have been broken for years...maybe this is all happening so I can "find myself" I don't even know what I am talking about. Things just perhaps seem like they are getting better. I am so scared to admit that because I will be so disappointed if they aren't. The one occurence in my life that I can rationalize as changing me for the better is the mess with my dad.