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As for Arthur, I see him the same way you do. I think he has difficulty dealing with emotional intimacy since he clearly didn't experience it within the bounds of his own family. I think it's why he can't deal with Merlin very well (even within the cannon "bromance"). Merlin tends to be so open with his reactions, emotions and opinions. Clearly, Arthur has difficulty coping with that. He struggles just with being a friend to Merlin. If we throw in a secret crush...well, I think he might just short-circuit a bit. I think the relationship with Gwen is so much easier for him. It's totally predictable and really, pretty shallow. She doesn't challenge him, she doesn't question him and she's not particularly honest with him either. That may be a very big reason soooo many people ship the slash in this fandom. (The on-screen chemistry issue also plays a big part. And, we do love visualizing those gorgeous boys together, don't we?)
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I agree completely about Merlin being confusingly different from Arthur--I actually started to ramble about that in my previous comment, and then decided I was talking too much and cut that bit. Arthur's just completely not used to dealing with anyone like him. I actually wonder whether Arthur might get Merlin's lack of respect for his rank confused with lack of affection for him as a person--I'd imagine nearly everyone who'd chosen to spend time with Arthur expected some sort of personal benefit from knowing him (that's not terribly well-phrased, but maybe you know what I mean? people who wanted political considerations, or something), and then here's Merlin who doesn't seem to want anything.
(To be fair to Gwen, mind, Merlin is keeping a pretty enormous secret from Arthur himself, and lying by omission in doing so. But other than that, I do agree that the show hasn't put much actual effort into Arthur/Gwen, and pretty much all the effort they have has gone into the Forbidden Love™ aspect, which makes me wonder what the writers expect Arthur and Gwen to talk about once for whatever reason it's no longer Forbidden. (I mean, I love Gwen and I support people shipping whatever they want to ship--I've actually dabbled in Arthur/Gwen myself on occasion--but it's still something I don't quite get in canon.))
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