I don't know how to feel
I feel so lonely lately. I just want to lie in bed and mope all day.
I feel like I can't do anything right. I know I could do better in school, but I don't want to. I can't bring myself to.
Gabe will never like me, he'll never even want to be so much as friends with me. We are just too different.
My relationship is pretty bad right now. We don't really talk anymore.
I don't feel like I have many friends anymore. I feel like everyone is drifting away from me.
I wish I were a better person.
I never truly feel happy. I always just feel so cold and emotionless. When I do feel something, it's never very good.
My mouth hurts very bad. The back right side of my mouth is swollen and hurts. I think my wisdom tooth there is coming in. But I've got nothing on my left side. But what if it's not? I hope I'm healthy.
Speaking of which, I am very worried I am coming down with diabetes. We went over the signs in class and I have all of them -- Always tired, thirsty, pee a lot, always hungry, sleep a lot, etc. Maybe it is just paranoia, but I am terribly unhealthy and have been gorging on unhealthy and sugary things this entire past month far too much.
Lately I've had thoughts of joining the military. It's done worlds of good for my brother, but the stories he tells are so awful. Basic sounds like a nightmare, and after that they torture you, beat you, drown you, all kinds of crazy shit to train you for any situation. They also send you into a forest for a few days and you have to survive on your own. They give you a live rabbit to kill and eat. I'm not sure I could do that kind of stuff. But still -- Being highly respected, the feeling of pride, the great pay, free food and board, getting out of the house, free college, being on my own. It's a lot of stuff I really want in my life. I'd have to get in shape and prepare for it a lot, but... It is an option, especially if medical school falls through. I like the idea of being a strong, confident person, too... But would I ever even be able to?
I wonder if I'll ever stop being so socially awkward. So weird. So lonely. So whipped by my parents.
I feel like I can't do anything right. I know I could do better in school, but I don't want to. I can't bring myself to.
Gabe will never like me, he'll never even want to be so much as friends with me. We are just too different.
My relationship is pretty bad right now. We don't really talk anymore.
I don't feel like I have many friends anymore. I feel like everyone is drifting away from me.
I wish I were a better person.
I never truly feel happy. I always just feel so cold and emotionless. When I do feel something, it's never very good.
My mouth hurts very bad. The back right side of my mouth is swollen and hurts. I think my wisdom tooth there is coming in. But I've got nothing on my left side. But what if it's not? I hope I'm healthy.
Speaking of which, I am very worried I am coming down with diabetes. We went over the signs in class and I have all of them -- Always tired, thirsty, pee a lot, always hungry, sleep a lot, etc. Maybe it is just paranoia, but I am terribly unhealthy and have been gorging on unhealthy and sugary things this entire past month far too much.
Lately I've had thoughts of joining the military. It's done worlds of good for my brother, but the stories he tells are so awful. Basic sounds like a nightmare, and after that they torture you, beat you, drown you, all kinds of crazy shit to train you for any situation. They also send you into a forest for a few days and you have to survive on your own. They give you a live rabbit to kill and eat. I'm not sure I could do that kind of stuff. But still -- Being highly respected, the feeling of pride, the great pay, free food and board, getting out of the house, free college, being on my own. It's a lot of stuff I really want in my life. I'd have to get in shape and prepare for it a lot, but... It is an option, especially if medical school falls through. I like the idea of being a strong, confident person, too... But would I ever even be able to?
I wonder if I'll ever stop being so socially awkward. So weird. So lonely. So whipped by my parents.