Tales from the Bookstore
I've had a few gems recently... And all of a sudden, I can't remember most of them. But there are a few.
Before I tell this story, I have to explain a wee bit about the layout involved. We have 3 aisles of history. Our story takes place in the first one, which houses mainly General History, as well as featured History, and also, the Exploration section. We were standing at the beginning of this aisle, looking at the General side. Right across the aisle, with a sign right at eye level, is the Exploration section. So. I asked this woman if she needed any help. She said she was looking for books on explorers. I asked her if she'd checked the Exploration section. She said she had, although the way she said it indicated to me that she was referring to the next aisle over. But, assuming she wasn't entirely retarded, I believed her, and tried to figure out what she wanted specifically, so I could try and think of something. She doesn't come up with anything, but asked if we had an explorer section Biography. I said we didn't, and again, referred to the Exploration section in History. Still nothing. Finally, I put my hand right on the sign and sort of thumped it a few times, as I asked, "You checked the Exploration section right here?" Lo and behold, she turns around, sees a book that was faced, and announces that it was one of the ones she was looking for. Did it not occur to you, lady, that if I'm referring to an actual Exploration section, but you haven't yet seen any exploration books, that maybe you didn't actually find that section? And can you not ever just look around you a tiny bit?
Gah. And that reminds me of what is becoming a perpetual annoyance. We have signs on the top of our shelves, with mostly general categories, and we have signs on the shelves with the specific subcategories. Some of the top signs are a little more specific, such as Middle Eastern History, and US History, etc. The problem with this is that, due to shifting stock levels, the books move around on a pretty regular basis, and the top signs don't always follow as closely as would be nice. Plus, sometimes, there might be more than one category on a bank of shelves with this top sign. So, tired of explaining to people why the Asian History was on a bank with a top sign that said Middle Eastern History, I replaced all the specific history signs (except Canadian; that one I felt should stay) with general ones that just said World History. Next thing you know, I get a guy asking why the US History doesn't have a sign more specific than World. I wanted to smack my head on the shelf. Apparently I just can't win. I put up specific ones and people complain that they don't match exactly all the contents of what's below. I put up general ones, and people complain they're not specific enough. Sigh.
Then there's the cycle counting. It's sort of a rolling inventory, where they count a few sections every day, eventually making their way through the whole store. I'm not sure exactly how the process works, but I do know that the counters are instructed to check tables, staging, front of store, and anywhere else a particular book is likely to be found. And we, the floor staff, are supposed to try and make sure that all the books in the section being counted are in places they should be - out of staging as much as possible, off the carts, etc. But whoever counted my Biography section last week was clearly incompetent. I got the list of discrepancies between what we were supposed to have and what he actually counted, with instructions to try and find as many as I could. Most of them I found right on the clearly-marked Biography table, that should have been the first place to look if they weren't on the shelf. And a few titles were actually right on the shelf where they belonged - one of them even faced. Apparently he missed a whole shelf. Moron. That just annoyed me.
And then there's this one, that I know will make at least some of you want to smack your heads on a wall even more than I wanted to at the time. I was shelving something near the New Age, Wicca, etc. section, and there were two guys sort of goofing off there. I asked them if they needed any help, and they asked me where we keep our devil books. Oh dear. I tell them they're in generally the right area, but over to the left a little in Controversial Knowledge, is where they're likely to find most of that sort of thing.
Them: Are there any that teach you how to do it? Like, devil stuff, and witchcraft?
Me Inside Voice: Oh dear.
Me Out Loud: Well, most of this section here is sort of how to practice Wicca and pagan stuff.
Them: So there's stuff on, like, devils and stuff here?
Me Getting a Little Fed Up: Well, the first thing you should know is that devil worship and witchcraft are two entirely different things.
Them: Which one's more powerful?
Me At a Loss: ...
Them: Which one actually works?
Me Trying Not to Smack Anybody: Well, I suppose it depends on what you're trying to accomplish.
One of Them, laughing: I want him dead!
Me: That'd be devil worship.
And I walked away. Oy. I'm not sure I've adequately conveyed the really asinine nature of this conversation, but I really was tempted to go around the corner and bang my head a few times on the corner of a shelf.
Before I tell this story, I have to explain a wee bit about the layout involved. We have 3 aisles of history. Our story takes place in the first one, which houses mainly General History, as well as featured History, and also, the Exploration section. We were standing at the beginning of this aisle, looking at the General side. Right across the aisle, with a sign right at eye level, is the Exploration section. So. I asked this woman if she needed any help. She said she was looking for books on explorers. I asked her if she'd checked the Exploration section. She said she had, although the way she said it indicated to me that she was referring to the next aisle over. But, assuming she wasn't entirely retarded, I believed her, and tried to figure out what she wanted specifically, so I could try and think of something. She doesn't come up with anything, but asked if we had an explorer section Biography. I said we didn't, and again, referred to the Exploration section in History. Still nothing. Finally, I put my hand right on the sign and sort of thumped it a few times, as I asked, "You checked the Exploration section right here?" Lo and behold, she turns around, sees a book that was faced, and announces that it was one of the ones she was looking for. Did it not occur to you, lady, that if I'm referring to an actual Exploration section, but you haven't yet seen any exploration books, that maybe you didn't actually find that section? And can you not ever just look around you a tiny bit?
Gah. And that reminds me of what is becoming a perpetual annoyance. We have signs on the top of our shelves, with mostly general categories, and we have signs on the shelves with the specific subcategories. Some of the top signs are a little more specific, such as Middle Eastern History, and US History, etc. The problem with this is that, due to shifting stock levels, the books move around on a pretty regular basis, and the top signs don't always follow as closely as would be nice. Plus, sometimes, there might be more than one category on a bank of shelves with this top sign. So, tired of explaining to people why the Asian History was on a bank with a top sign that said Middle Eastern History, I replaced all the specific history signs (except Canadian; that one I felt should stay) with general ones that just said World History. Next thing you know, I get a guy asking why the US History doesn't have a sign more specific than World. I wanted to smack my head on the shelf. Apparently I just can't win. I put up specific ones and people complain that they don't match exactly all the contents of what's below. I put up general ones, and people complain they're not specific enough. Sigh.
Then there's the cycle counting. It's sort of a rolling inventory, where they count a few sections every day, eventually making their way through the whole store. I'm not sure exactly how the process works, but I do know that the counters are instructed to check tables, staging, front of store, and anywhere else a particular book is likely to be found. And we, the floor staff, are supposed to try and make sure that all the books in the section being counted are in places they should be - out of staging as much as possible, off the carts, etc. But whoever counted my Biography section last week was clearly incompetent. I got the list of discrepancies between what we were supposed to have and what he actually counted, with instructions to try and find as many as I could. Most of them I found right on the clearly-marked Biography table, that should have been the first place to look if they weren't on the shelf. And a few titles were actually right on the shelf where they belonged - one of them even faced. Apparently he missed a whole shelf. Moron. That just annoyed me.
And then there's this one, that I know will make at least some of you want to smack your heads on a wall even more than I wanted to at the time. I was shelving something near the New Age, Wicca, etc. section, and there were two guys sort of goofing off there. I asked them if they needed any help, and they asked me where we keep our devil books. Oh dear. I tell them they're in generally the right area, but over to the left a little in Controversial Knowledge, is where they're likely to find most of that sort of thing.
Them: Are there any that teach you how to do it? Like, devil stuff, and witchcraft?
Me Inside Voice: Oh dear.
Me Out Loud: Well, most of this section here is sort of how to practice Wicca and pagan stuff.
Them: So there's stuff on, like, devils and stuff here?
Me Getting a Little Fed Up: Well, the first thing you should know is that devil worship and witchcraft are two entirely different things.
Them: Which one's more powerful?
Me At a Loss: ...
Them: Which one actually works?
Me Trying Not to Smack Anybody: Well, I suppose it depends on what you're trying to accomplish.
One of Them, laughing: I want him dead!
Me: That'd be devil worship.
And I walked away. Oy. I'm not sure I've adequately conveyed the really asinine nature of this conversation, but I really was tempted to go around the corner and bang my head a few times on the corner of a shelf.