Why The Mist is the New 2 Girls 1 Cup...
What follows are my thoughts and reflections on the movie The Mist... It's full of spoilers and stupidity... If you don't want to see either move on along...
I think it was when I was in Junior High or High School that I read the short story The Mist by Stephen King. I thought it was part of his Bachman Books but it was actually in Skeleton Crew (along with a few other nifty tales). Anyhow, the story stayed with me and I was really excited when I saw it would be coming to the big screen and even more so that it was to be directed by Frank Darabont (of Green Mile and Shawshank Redemption fame - both works of King and in the case of Shawshank a prime example of a work elevated beyond the words on the page into an instant classic). Which leads me to tonight...
The film started out well enough... Calm after a storm, all kinds of creepy foreshadowing, enough personal stories to make us sort of care for a few of the characters. I will say that the one part of the movie that really gave me geek wood and just made me get a big ol' smile on my face was the main character painting a picture of The Gungslinger. For non King fans, the Gunslinger is King's epic character... He's the knight of old who rides through a six (or is it seven?) novel series known as the Dark Tower series that basically tie all of King's worlds together. The painting depicts the Gunslinger (looking a lot like Clint Eastwood) in the center, the Tower itself on the left, and The Rose on the right (a symbol and outright representation of the end, the beginning, and eternity). Now that - I fucking liked. Now for the rest of the film...
1) Crappy CGI - Wow, the FX were pretty damn bad. Do some more rendering and give us more detail and depth. There were moments when it just looked really damn fake...
2) Delayed reactions - jesus people - get a fucking move on already! I can excuse it once when the tentacles come out but then with the spiders and again with the car etc... Get a fucking move on - shit is after you!
3) Hicksville - We talked about it at yogurt after... Come on now - any fucking hick is gonna know light attracts insects...
4) Manscaping - Dig the eyebrows on the military sacrifice guy and the chest on the main character... sheesh!
And those are all minor suckages that didn't quite prepare me for my two big beefs...
Big Beef #1 - Who the fuck goes out like that? Why would you not even at least try to continue South and kill yourself only when you were in danger of being attacked, eaten, whatever. At the very least take your son and leave the gun with the others and snap his neck when death seemed immanent... Which leads me to...
Big Beef #2 - The lesson of the film is basically this: Believe in Jesus and you will be saved. Think about it... That "crazy" Jesus lady died in the name of her beliefs and because of her passion for Christ. She died for her flock and for the sins of the prideful non-believers that were attempting to leave. In her martyrdom she fell to the ground in a Christ-like pose while a halo of blood surrounded her head. And what happened to the non-believers? Exactly what Jesus woman said would happen. They all died because of the main character's pride. What the fuck?
Now - do I dislike this movie because as a "sinner" my team lost? Or do I dislike it because they put the knife in so deep (killed the folks only to be rescued moments later) and then twisted it (not-without-my-kids-lady rolling by in the jeep with her kids)... I mean, I half expected all the grocery store people to go rolling by as well - or better yet - the Judge character himself (who, did you notice, took the only other black people who weren't in the military with him?).
When I got out of the movie I called Matt (
maverick1303) and unloaded my angst on him because I thought he might be a soul who would agree with my cries of shennanigans... But instead I got his evil laughter, his delicious enjoyment of my tears of frustration, and a diabolical "your call and frustration over th ending makes the movie even better. It's the cherry on top" - LOL!
Shennanigans!!! I demand restitutions! hehe, kidding... But I did boo at the end of the movie... And I did put both fists in the air and shout "YES!" when "Radar" (
pinner123 and I both called that one) shot that bitch in the head...
After the flick John, Tim, Dave, and I ate YogArt and they allowed me to rant and spew and be silly for which I am grateful... I think Dave will be the first to pile up bags of dogfood and pray to Jeebus should even a light mist descend on us over the weekend though... hee hee
And as I said... If Frank Darabont were at YogArt with me he probably would retort with "But Brian, were you not entertained?" to which I would have to begrudgingly reply with "Yes". Entertained, frustrated, and ultimately pissed but entertained none the less...
I think it was when I was in Junior High or High School that I read the short story The Mist by Stephen King. I thought it was part of his Bachman Books but it was actually in Skeleton Crew (along with a few other nifty tales). Anyhow, the story stayed with me and I was really excited when I saw it would be coming to the big screen and even more so that it was to be directed by Frank Darabont (of Green Mile and Shawshank Redemption fame - both works of King and in the case of Shawshank a prime example of a work elevated beyond the words on the page into an instant classic). Which leads me to tonight...
The film started out well enough... Calm after a storm, all kinds of creepy foreshadowing, enough personal stories to make us sort of care for a few of the characters. I will say that the one part of the movie that really gave me geek wood and just made me get a big ol' smile on my face was the main character painting a picture of The Gungslinger. For non King fans, the Gunslinger is King's epic character... He's the knight of old who rides through a six (or is it seven?) novel series known as the Dark Tower series that basically tie all of King's worlds together. The painting depicts the Gunslinger (looking a lot like Clint Eastwood) in the center, the Tower itself on the left, and The Rose on the right (a symbol and outright representation of the end, the beginning, and eternity). Now that - I fucking liked. Now for the rest of the film...
1) Crappy CGI - Wow, the FX were pretty damn bad. Do some more rendering and give us more detail and depth. There were moments when it just looked really damn fake...
2) Delayed reactions - jesus people - get a fucking move on already! I can excuse it once when the tentacles come out but then with the spiders and again with the car etc... Get a fucking move on - shit is after you!
3) Hicksville - We talked about it at yogurt after... Come on now - any fucking hick is gonna know light attracts insects...
4) Manscaping - Dig the eyebrows on the military sacrifice guy and the chest on the main character... sheesh!
And those are all minor suckages that didn't quite prepare me for my two big beefs...
Big Beef #1 - Who the fuck goes out like that? Why would you not even at least try to continue South and kill yourself only when you were in danger of being attacked, eaten, whatever. At the very least take your son and leave the gun with the others and snap his neck when death seemed immanent... Which leads me to...
Big Beef #2 - The lesson of the film is basically this: Believe in Jesus and you will be saved. Think about it... That "crazy" Jesus lady died in the name of her beliefs and because of her passion for Christ. She died for her flock and for the sins of the prideful non-believers that were attempting to leave. In her martyrdom she fell to the ground in a Christ-like pose while a halo of blood surrounded her head. And what happened to the non-believers? Exactly what Jesus woman said would happen. They all died because of the main character's pride. What the fuck?
Now - do I dislike this movie because as a "sinner" my team lost? Or do I dislike it because they put the knife in so deep (killed the folks only to be rescued moments later) and then twisted it (not-without-my-kids-lady rolling by in the jeep with her kids)... I mean, I half expected all the grocery store people to go rolling by as well - or better yet - the Judge character himself (who, did you notice, took the only other black people who weren't in the military with him?).
When I got out of the movie I called Matt (
maverick1303) and unloaded my angst on him because I thought he might be a soul who would agree with my cries of shennanigans... But instead I got his evil laughter, his delicious enjoyment of my tears of frustration, and a diabolical "your call and frustration over th ending makes the movie even better. It's the cherry on top" - LOL!
Shennanigans!!! I demand restitutions! hehe, kidding... But I did boo at the end of the movie... And I did put both fists in the air and shout "YES!" when "Radar" (
pinner123 and I both called that one) shot that bitch in the head...
After the flick John, Tim, Dave, and I ate YogArt and they allowed me to rant and spew and be silly for which I am grateful... I think Dave will be the first to pile up bags of dogfood and pray to Jeebus should even a light mist descend on us over the weekend though... hee hee
And as I said... If Frank Darabont were at YogArt with me he probably would retort with "But Brian, were you not entertained?" to which I would have to begrudgingly reply with "Yes". Entertained, frustrated, and ultimately pissed but entertained none the less...