For Ben...
About four weeks ago I got to the bar to start my shift and the daytime bartender Eddie pulled me aside and told me that Ben was missing. Eddie is a fucking sweetheart and loyal like a Jimmy Buffet fan. From the look in his eyes I could tell he was seriously worried and I didn't know how to respond other than to ask "what do you mean he's missing?" Eddie went on to tell me that he hadn't been in the bar in a few days and hadn't been at work either. I wasn't sure what to say other than "well, I'm sure he'll turn up and we'll all have fun being angry at him for worrying us so much". The police had been to his apartment and there weren't any signs of a break-in.
To look at Ben on the typical Monday night in which he'd come in you might describe him as fastidious but you would be wrong. He would come in after working his job as the admin at a doctor's office and he'd always be wearing a shirt and tie and they would always be smartly color coordinated. His hair was well kept. Ben had the softest hands I've ever seen. He was thin and refined looking. When he'd kiss me hello or goodbye I'd often think in my head that he had a woman's lips - they were so soft. He was one of the kindest and gentlest men I've ever had walk into the bar. We could sit and talk for hours about showtunes (he sang in a local ensamble) or movies that we loved. In fact, he lent me a copy of Big Eden which is sitting in front of me. I've had it for a few months now but haven't gotten around to watching it because it says "a great date movie" and, well... I hadn't been in the mood for something like that until recently.
An example of the Ben I know... For a year I would pour him his Bacardi/Cokes in a short glass. He'd take them with a smile and tip me dollar. Every single time. If I comped him a drink he'd tip me the full price of it. After that first year Eddie on the fly said "why do you give him drinks in a short glass instead of a homewrecker?" Well, I'd always thought he liked them in a short glass. When he came in that next time I gave him the B/C in a tall pint glass (instead of the norm plastic) and he smiled. "Somebody told you, didn't they?" He hadn't wanted to correct me. He waited a year and never said a word. We had a good laugh about it. That was Ben.
Ben also did the artwork on the two illuminated glass plates we have that advertise our specials. Each month he'd do them over with pictures and slogans and double entendres. Right now the ones for Octoberfest are still up as is the one for our Halloween events.
You see, Ben isn't going to come back. He drove down to Ensenada and he killed himself by taking an overdose of Valium and alcohol. A week ago a friend of mine mentioned he'd talked to Ben in the past and that Ben was actually dealing with depression. I never would have guessed it in a million years. And I would never have thought Ben to be the kind of person to take his own life. He was such a sweet, dear man and all the bartenders and regulars at PECs adored him. I could go on and on. He was easily my favorite regular at the bar.
I wish I had known how he felt or what he was going through. If only to just let him know how much he mattered in the lives of the people who cared for him. And that there were a hell of a lot of people that did care for him.
God damn it Ben...
To look at Ben on the typical Monday night in which he'd come in you might describe him as fastidious but you would be wrong. He would come in after working his job as the admin at a doctor's office and he'd always be wearing a shirt and tie and they would always be smartly color coordinated. His hair was well kept. Ben had the softest hands I've ever seen. He was thin and refined looking. When he'd kiss me hello or goodbye I'd often think in my head that he had a woman's lips - they were so soft. He was one of the kindest and gentlest men I've ever had walk into the bar. We could sit and talk for hours about showtunes (he sang in a local ensamble) or movies that we loved. In fact, he lent me a copy of Big Eden which is sitting in front of me. I've had it for a few months now but haven't gotten around to watching it because it says "a great date movie" and, well... I hadn't been in the mood for something like that until recently.
An example of the Ben I know... For a year I would pour him his Bacardi/Cokes in a short glass. He'd take them with a smile and tip me dollar. Every single time. If I comped him a drink he'd tip me the full price of it. After that first year Eddie on the fly said "why do you give him drinks in a short glass instead of a homewrecker?" Well, I'd always thought he liked them in a short glass. When he came in that next time I gave him the B/C in a tall pint glass (instead of the norm plastic) and he smiled. "Somebody told you, didn't they?" He hadn't wanted to correct me. He waited a year and never said a word. We had a good laugh about it. That was Ben.
Ben also did the artwork on the two illuminated glass plates we have that advertise our specials. Each month he'd do them over with pictures and slogans and double entendres. Right now the ones for Octoberfest are still up as is the one for our Halloween events.
You see, Ben isn't going to come back. He drove down to Ensenada and he killed himself by taking an overdose of Valium and alcohol. A week ago a friend of mine mentioned he'd talked to Ben in the past and that Ben was actually dealing with depression. I never would have guessed it in a million years. And I would never have thought Ben to be the kind of person to take his own life. He was such a sweet, dear man and all the bartenders and regulars at PECs adored him. I could go on and on. He was easily my favorite regular at the bar.
I wish I had known how he felt or what he was going through. If only to just let him know how much he mattered in the lives of the people who cared for him. And that there were a hell of a lot of people that did care for him.
God damn it Ben...