(no subject)
I think in terms with the whole weight thing i hit a low earlier this week where it felt like a turning point, and now things are looking up. Obviously i've known i've been gaining weight for quite some time and been somewhat unhappy about it, but never enough to do much about it. I upped my exercise, tried to eat a bit better, but it was rather half-hearted. It was easy to think "well i've got more important things to think about than weight" and that doing anything diet-related might jeopardise my ED recovery (and wow, gaining 2st and not getting suicidal over it?!?! That's impressive! Though, come to think about it my anti-depressants have probably been a major player in this as well...).
Anyway, i've implemented some changes. Simon made a passing comment when we were in Paperchase (i am OBSESSED with Paperchase. Lincoln got one a few months back and i have to go in there every time i go past just to oggle at all the beautiful things...) the other day along the lines of "i bet you couldn't go without chocolate for a week!". So i was like "yeah, i bet i could!". So he was like "i bet you couldn't go without for a month!". So, to prove him wrong, i'm having no chocolate or sweets for a month. To prevent feelings of deprivation i'm still allowed cake and desserts, but they're not as easy to overindulge on. I've made a batch of less-sugar-and-more-fruit-than-the-recipe-says pear crumble and got some yoghurts and Options hot chocolates for if i have a sweet craving. At the beginning of the day i make a plan of what i will eat that day (because i've noticed i've got into the habit of not eating proper meals due to feeling exhausted and then ending up snacking on junkfood later in a hypoglycaemic panic). Lastly - exercise. When i was thinking about exercise vs energy levels before i realise now i was thinking about my previous undertakings of exercise, which have been both ED-driven and excessive. I'm talking 4 hours exercise a day, cycling 15-20 miles cross-country on the average evening, etc - not exactly sustainable or indeed possible!! So i realised that if i approached it in a more balanced way then exercise is achievable. I'm thinking about joining a class of some kind - an hour a week of proper exercise is doable. And i can build up from there.
Even in the couple of days since i freaked out i've felt better. Mainly it's psychological i guess - i have a plan so therefore i feel in control again. And partly physical - my stomach isn't painfully swollen. It's good.
If things go wrong (either i continue gaining weight, or i have some ED-type wobbles) i'll go to my GP and ask for help.
Anyway, i've implemented some changes. Simon made a passing comment when we were in Paperchase (i am OBSESSED with Paperchase. Lincoln got one a few months back and i have to go in there every time i go past just to oggle at all the beautiful things...) the other day along the lines of "i bet you couldn't go without chocolate for a week!". So i was like "yeah, i bet i could!". So he was like "i bet you couldn't go without for a month!". So, to prove him wrong, i'm having no chocolate or sweets for a month. To prevent feelings of deprivation i'm still allowed cake and desserts, but they're not as easy to overindulge on. I've made a batch of less-sugar-and-more-fruit-than-the-recipe-says pear crumble and got some yoghurts and Options hot chocolates for if i have a sweet craving. At the beginning of the day i make a plan of what i will eat that day (because i've noticed i've got into the habit of not eating proper meals due to feeling exhausted and then ending up snacking on junkfood later in a hypoglycaemic panic). Lastly - exercise. When i was thinking about exercise vs energy levels before i realise now i was thinking about my previous undertakings of exercise, which have been both ED-driven and excessive. I'm talking 4 hours exercise a day, cycling 15-20 miles cross-country on the average evening, etc - not exactly sustainable or indeed possible!! So i realised that if i approached it in a more balanced way then exercise is achievable. I'm thinking about joining a class of some kind - an hour a week of proper exercise is doable. And i can build up from there.
Even in the couple of days since i freaked out i've felt better. Mainly it's psychological i guess - i have a plan so therefore i feel in control again. And partly physical - my stomach isn't painfully swollen. It's good.
If things go wrong (either i continue gaining weight, or i have some ED-type wobbles) i'll go to my GP and ask for help.