(no subject)
This somewhat-increased depression is having a weird effect on my eating habits. I'm both disinterested in food and comfort-eating at once. Not a good combination.
Most food is just not really appetising, and the energy involved in preparing and eating it is too much against hunger. I can feel the physical hunger, but haven't the appetite to match. Mealtimes will pass me by, and it's only when i notice my stomach hurts from hunger or someone reminds me that i do eat. But at the same time i'm drawn obsessively towards certain foods for comfort-eating. Tesco Finest chocolate chunk bakery cookies, pick and mix sweets, bananas, milky coffees, bread or toast with plenty of butter. I know if i were left to my own devices my eating habits would be fucked by now, but fortunately dad's too used to me+ED+depression so food appears at least once a day and i'm expected to eat it all. I'm worried that the simultaneous overeating and undereating alongside decreased exercise is going to cause me to gain weight. I'm tempted to just not have the comfort-eating foods around, but i get panicky about the mere thought of it, but when they are here the awareness of their presence bugs me until i've eaten the whole lot, even if it makes me feel sick and horrible.
I've been trying to exercise a little. But lack of energy and motivation means it's a hard battle. I can motivate myself to walk to a cafe each day - that idea is enough to motivate me - but it's a little costly. I do like sitting in a cafe, either with someone or with something to read, with a nice mug of coffee. It's a fairly good little habit to have when you're very depressed - gets you out, gets you doing something, puts you around other people (even if you don't talk to anyone or anything).
I am glad that this time around (with depression) my concentration is good enough for me to read most stuff. Not being able to manage books for a couple of years was horrible. I could sortof manage magazines, but they're just not thesame.
Most food is just not really appetising, and the energy involved in preparing and eating it is too much against hunger. I can feel the physical hunger, but haven't the appetite to match. Mealtimes will pass me by, and it's only when i notice my stomach hurts from hunger or someone reminds me that i do eat. But at the same time i'm drawn obsessively towards certain foods for comfort-eating. Tesco Finest chocolate chunk bakery cookies, pick and mix sweets, bananas, milky coffees, bread or toast with plenty of butter. I know if i were left to my own devices my eating habits would be fucked by now, but fortunately dad's too used to me+ED+depression so food appears at least once a day and i'm expected to eat it all. I'm worried that the simultaneous overeating and undereating alongside decreased exercise is going to cause me to gain weight. I'm tempted to just not have the comfort-eating foods around, but i get panicky about the mere thought of it, but when they are here the awareness of their presence bugs me until i've eaten the whole lot, even if it makes me feel sick and horrible.
I've been trying to exercise a little. But lack of energy and motivation means it's a hard battle. I can motivate myself to walk to a cafe each day - that idea is enough to motivate me - but it's a little costly. I do like sitting in a cafe, either with someone or with something to read, with a nice mug of coffee. It's a fairly good little habit to have when you're very depressed - gets you out, gets you doing something, puts you around other people (even if you don't talk to anyone or anything).
I am glad that this time around (with depression) my concentration is good enough for me to read most stuff. Not being able to manage books for a couple of years was horrible. I could sortof manage magazines, but they're just not thesame.