poo poo platter
hello, there everyone. It's been a while since i last posted. I'm living in a different dorm with no good friends. I'm enjoying it for the most part thus far. It's much more social here than in my previous dorms so I'm meeting people at least. but as nice as everyone is, i feel like the time for making very close friends may have passed. most people have settled into their cliques and routines. im not quite sure if things will progress with anyone past the point of niceness, but we shall see. im still very bad in big crowds. today during the election meeting for the dorm's student government, i could feel the familiar discomfort with chaotic groupspeak, even as im comfortable with many of the people who were there. it's only the third or so week in the year so maybe its to early for such apprehensions.
my classes are only ok. they require lots of reading but i dont think they will be too hard. last week we read The Good Soldier by ford madox ford. it is now one of my favorite books. philosophy of language is good. everything else is blah. ovids metamorphisis sort of bores me.
in other news, my grandfather passed away last friday. i returned home for the funeral. it was really only hard theh day before he died. he had been ailing for quite some time and after his stroke nine years ago he wasnt the same person. i think what upset me the most was the acceptance that with him, the person (child) that i was, which was closely associated with him, officially died as well. i wonder lately how many people i really care for. when i miss people, do i miss them, or the person i am around them? is there really a difference? is it ok to be self-centered in such a way? i wonder if ive ever been genuine in my entire life, or if real authenticity is achievable. who really knows? but the whole area of discussion destabilizes securities in my life. i generally like to think that being genuine is one of the few saving graces alloted to people. even if we're shitty people at times, at least we can be honest, right? but i'm not really sure if honesty is really ever honest.
anyways, that's that. life isn't so bad as i oftentimes make it appear here in livejournal. there's always chocolate, mexican food, sushi, frisbee, music, venture brothers, and smash brothers melee.
my classes are only ok. they require lots of reading but i dont think they will be too hard. last week we read The Good Soldier by ford madox ford. it is now one of my favorite books. philosophy of language is good. everything else is blah. ovids metamorphisis sort of bores me.
in other news, my grandfather passed away last friday. i returned home for the funeral. it was really only hard theh day before he died. he had been ailing for quite some time and after his stroke nine years ago he wasnt the same person. i think what upset me the most was the acceptance that with him, the person (child) that i was, which was closely associated with him, officially died as well. i wonder lately how many people i really care for. when i miss people, do i miss them, or the person i am around them? is there really a difference? is it ok to be self-centered in such a way? i wonder if ive ever been genuine in my entire life, or if real authenticity is achievable. who really knows? but the whole area of discussion destabilizes securities in my life. i generally like to think that being genuine is one of the few saving graces alloted to people. even if we're shitty people at times, at least we can be honest, right? but i'm not really sure if honesty is really ever honest.
anyways, that's that. life isn't so bad as i oftentimes make it appear here in livejournal. there's always chocolate, mexican food, sushi, frisbee, music, venture brothers, and smash brothers melee.