here's johnny
so anyways kids, im back in town for a week. London was fundon. very hot and no ac though, but im feeling more like a wuss for complaining after i heard that rosa spent her summer in a village in costa rica with unreliable water and swarms of bugs all around. the trip was a nice change of pace from my everyday. almost no tv, no internet except in a cafe. i prefer my life without those things. i love subways and wish that all cities had good metros now. i also like walking a lot. i missed how cheap everything is in america. i also went to my first dance clubs and danced the only way i know how: like a fool. of course, i did my fair share of drinking for the first time since sophomore year of highschool. i dont like alcohol very much but it is necessary and helpful on many occasions. saw lots of sights but i dont really care all that much for sights really. they were as neat as sights can be. classes were tougher than i would have liked, but i think ill do ok. got to know a few new people pretty well. hopefully i will see more of them at vanderbilt this year but ive learned not to expect much from people so we'll see about that when the time comes.
next year is sure to be strange. my good friend ben will not be there in fall as he will be in china instead. my good friend alex will be in another dorm which will be strange as we have all our conversations in dorm room settings. im not worried about not seeing him or anything but my comfort zone will be shifted. im in a new dorm with no real connections. i dont quite know what to expect, but hopefully i can spread out a little socially. ive realized how hollow my life really is in the last couple months. i dont want to sustain myself on work alone this next year. i hope i wont allow myself to crawl into hobbies and homework as an excuse to not take a risk. its so easy when getting good grades is a good thing. but if i dont learn how to socialize better i fear i will sincerely regret it. also--quite frankly--its been too long without a girlfriend.
this summer is almost over and i think im ready for it to be. i fear i say the same thing about every fabricated period of my existence. in school, i hope school will end so i can have a break. in winter i cant wait to get back to school. then the cycle repeats with summer replacing winter. i wonder sometimes if partitioning the calender as we do is just an system of ignoring unhappiness, if giving us small packages of time to climb over and subsequently a block to look forward too is another way of not dealing with problems in the present. who knows, maybe thats just how i use the system. the grass is always greener in the future i suppose. i wish that i could live in the present without a such a mind for what is to come.
however, on the note of the future, i would like to write more in livejournal and would like to read and write more in general. i would like to not watch hardly any tv in college. i would like to stop wasting time on the internet, which subsequently would mean not writing more in livejournal.
anyways, my family still hasnt figured out where we're moving yet. our house will be going on the market probably this weekend. im hoping a company in minnesota will offer my dad a job. they seem like a good company, much better than the one in austin. i hope im not offending anyone when i say i dont think san antonio is quite the place it used to be. life is moving forward.
ive been thinking about airplanes lately and why they are so scary and amazing. terrorism aside, i think what intrigues about planes is that they must always be moving forward. it is only their forward momentum that cuts the air under the wings, that gives them lift. there is nothing holding them up but the relentless forward push. it is a frightening position to be in: so much depending on constantly moving forward, a position not unlike the human condition methinks. there is a sorrow i am always skating over in everyday life and the forward push through school, through summer, through different sets of friends is all that keeps me from falling into it. there's no will power involved, no magical levitation. for me its all about dumbly focusing on the present and the future that allows me to forget whatever it is i need to forget. but then again, i suppose theres always helicopters.
venture brothers season 2 is not going as nicely as id hope, but tonight on adult swim fix the newest episode was quite good. it gave me some hope for the continued success of my favorite show.
before i go back to school i need to: a) buy a new cellphone. b) get fitted for a new retainer as my teeth are shifting. c) do whatever the fuck i want. c')play some motherfucking frisbee. that is all bitches.
next year is sure to be strange. my good friend ben will not be there in fall as he will be in china instead. my good friend alex will be in another dorm which will be strange as we have all our conversations in dorm room settings. im not worried about not seeing him or anything but my comfort zone will be shifted. im in a new dorm with no real connections. i dont quite know what to expect, but hopefully i can spread out a little socially. ive realized how hollow my life really is in the last couple months. i dont want to sustain myself on work alone this next year. i hope i wont allow myself to crawl into hobbies and homework as an excuse to not take a risk. its so easy when getting good grades is a good thing. but if i dont learn how to socialize better i fear i will sincerely regret it. also--quite frankly--its been too long without a girlfriend.
this summer is almost over and i think im ready for it to be. i fear i say the same thing about every fabricated period of my existence. in school, i hope school will end so i can have a break. in winter i cant wait to get back to school. then the cycle repeats with summer replacing winter. i wonder sometimes if partitioning the calender as we do is just an system of ignoring unhappiness, if giving us small packages of time to climb over and subsequently a block to look forward too is another way of not dealing with problems in the present. who knows, maybe thats just how i use the system. the grass is always greener in the future i suppose. i wish that i could live in the present without a such a mind for what is to come.
however, on the note of the future, i would like to write more in livejournal and would like to read and write more in general. i would like to not watch hardly any tv in college. i would like to stop wasting time on the internet, which subsequently would mean not writing more in livejournal.
anyways, my family still hasnt figured out where we're moving yet. our house will be going on the market probably this weekend. im hoping a company in minnesota will offer my dad a job. they seem like a good company, much better than the one in austin. i hope im not offending anyone when i say i dont think san antonio is quite the place it used to be. life is moving forward.
ive been thinking about airplanes lately and why they are so scary and amazing. terrorism aside, i think what intrigues about planes is that they must always be moving forward. it is only their forward momentum that cuts the air under the wings, that gives them lift. there is nothing holding them up but the relentless forward push. it is a frightening position to be in: so much depending on constantly moving forward, a position not unlike the human condition methinks. there is a sorrow i am always skating over in everyday life and the forward push through school, through summer, through different sets of friends is all that keeps me from falling into it. there's no will power involved, no magical levitation. for me its all about dumbly focusing on the present and the future that allows me to forget whatever it is i need to forget. but then again, i suppose theres always helicopters.
venture brothers season 2 is not going as nicely as id hope, but tonight on adult swim fix the newest episode was quite good. it gave me some hope for the continued success of my favorite show.
before i go back to school i need to: a) buy a new cellphone. b) get fitted for a new retainer as my teeth are shifting. c) do whatever the fuck i want. c')play some motherfucking frisbee. that is all bitches.