rites of passage
Well, today for the first time I had a transphobic (or at least gender-policing) insult directed at me.
I should preface this by saying that although I'm not out at work, I'm not exactly not out either. I wear men's clothes and my short hair is styled in a male way.
So. Customer rather imperiously beckons me from about thirty feet away. (Seriously, she made a little "come here" gesture.) "Ma'am," she calls out. I start heading over to her, then she says, "Sir. Whatever you are." The last sentence was in a slightly less carrying voice, but I think it was a deliberate stage-whisper effect, as I heard her very clearly from a good twenty feet away. And her tone was definitely hostile.
*sigh* Now, I get double-takes all the time, or people correcting themselves from "sir," to "ma'am." It's understandable and I'm used to it; those folks don't mean any harm. This is the first time I've experienced hostility.
I'm perfectly all right, just dismayed and, frankly, kind of amazed at how little gender-nonconformity it takes to piss some folks off. (Although I may be underestimating my own gender-nonconformity. For some years I haven't been performing femininity--wearing makeup, skirts, feminine shoes--but it's only in the last year and a half that I've started performing masculinity instead. As I've come to be unselfconscious about it, perhaps I've lost sight of how much others are conscious of it.)
Do any of you other trans*, genderqueer, or gender-nonconforming folks have advice about how to deal with this kind of thing? Unfortunately, "fuck off, you bigot" isn't an option at work. And since I'm not out at work, maybe there's nothing I can actually do right now, but coping advice would be useful.
Crossposted at Dreamwidth (
comments); you can comment here or there.
I should preface this by saying that although I'm not out at work, I'm not exactly not out either. I wear men's clothes and my short hair is styled in a male way.
So. Customer rather imperiously beckons me from about thirty feet away. (Seriously, she made a little "come here" gesture.) "Ma'am," she calls out. I start heading over to her, then she says, "Sir. Whatever you are." The last sentence was in a slightly less carrying voice, but I think it was a deliberate stage-whisper effect, as I heard her very clearly from a good twenty feet away. And her tone was definitely hostile.
*sigh* Now, I get double-takes all the time, or people correcting themselves from "sir," to "ma'am." It's understandable and I'm used to it; those folks don't mean any harm. This is the first time I've experienced hostility.
I'm perfectly all right, just dismayed and, frankly, kind of amazed at how little gender-nonconformity it takes to piss some folks off. (Although I may be underestimating my own gender-nonconformity. For some years I haven't been performing femininity--wearing makeup, skirts, feminine shoes--but it's only in the last year and a half that I've started performing masculinity instead. As I've come to be unselfconscious about it, perhaps I've lost sight of how much others are conscious of it.)
Do any of you other trans*, genderqueer, or gender-nonconforming folks have advice about how to deal with this kind of thing? Unfortunately, "fuck off, you bigot" isn't an option at work. And since I'm not out at work, maybe there's nothing I can actually do right now, but coping advice would be useful.
Crossposted at Dreamwidth (
comments); you can comment here or there.