If that's normal, then no thanks
I display Asperger symptoms, as does my husband. One of my sons is classically Asperger, the other - like my husband and I - displays symptoms. In me, it makes me socially awkward, slow to catch social cues, unable to spontaneously respond to such cues and ... well, basically, I'm odd. I have to make an effort. One of my problems is that I don't usually recognize acquaintances - especially if they're in the "wrong" place - I compensate for that by being open and friendly with everyone. By being generally accepting.
I had a fight with my baby sister this week. No - be honest. I was reduced to screaming into the phone - mostly because she offended me by refusing to let me speak during a discussion. She did raise her voice first, but ... frankly .. that's her normal volume. Angry.
The weather the past couple of days is autumnal cool and in autumn, I start baking. There's a gingerbread cookie recipe that my baby sister and her family love, but it requires quick work and cool temperatures to roll and cut. In addition, molasses is a major ingredient and molasses was the subject of recent Scientific American & Boston Globe articles. So ... yesterday, I mixed up a batch of gingerbread cookies, set them to chill and baked them today. I plan to divide them and a batch of chocolate crinkle cookies and a batch of trail mix up and mail them out to my mother, my oldest sister, a couple of my brothers and ... yes ... my baby sister (henceforth to be referred to as MBS).
I expected my beloved husband to ask WHY I was making up the cookies that we all consider to be MBS's, so I started preparing my reasons - mentally, that is.
- Yes, I'm angry with her still, I think she's acting like a butt-head but I don't see why her kids should suffer from her butt-headedness. Baking cookies in the cool weather and mailing them off is MY normal behaviour, I see no reason to change the way I act because she's a butt-head.
- Yes, I'm sure that she's still furious with me for presuming to have my own opinions about something (that she didn't even witness! She's operating on hearsay that is extremely biased.) and I'm sure she's bad-mouthing me in the family and doesn't want anything to do with me, but that's on her, not on me.
- I want to be an example of ANOTHER way to behave, of acting like a normal, polite, courteous ADULT.
I got to that last point and was stopped short. MBS is one of the normal ones - social, out-going. My immediate elder sster is one of the normal ones - EXTREMELY social, out-going, well-liked ... outside of the family, that is. And my baby brother is definitely a norm.
And all of them are angry and sniping to family members. They feud, back-stab, don't talk to those who dare to disagree with them and ... and they think that if they don't tell people why they're angry - this is somehow being respectful. Personally, I think that if people treated them the way they treat others, then they would have ample cause to be angry - but we don't. Mostly, when we talk about them, it's to ask one another in bewilderment "Why is ...X. Y, & Z ... so angry with me/us?" And we come up with theories which makes ... X, Y, & Z ... even more furious because "we don't know anything about them" which is true because - they won't tell us anything about them.
There's another thing. I make up cookies and I send out ... occasional presents (I tend to forget birthdays and anniversaries until it's too late) because according to Louisa May Alcott that's what family members do to & for one another. Last night, it occurred to me - and not for the first time - that I'm the only one who does. And I'm not normal.
I've always felt sort of wistful about being socially awkward. I've watched my older and younger sisters sashay through situations - with friends/ at parties/ boyfriends/ &c and wondered why I couldn't do that too. But now I feel .. you know ... If they're normal, then Thank You, God, that I'm not.
I had a fight with my baby sister this week. No - be honest. I was reduced to screaming into the phone - mostly because she offended me by refusing to let me speak during a discussion. She did raise her voice first, but ... frankly .. that's her normal volume. Angry.
The weather the past couple of days is autumnal cool and in autumn, I start baking. There's a gingerbread cookie recipe that my baby sister and her family love, but it requires quick work and cool temperatures to roll and cut. In addition, molasses is a major ingredient and molasses was the subject of recent Scientific American & Boston Globe articles. So ... yesterday, I mixed up a batch of gingerbread cookies, set them to chill and baked them today. I plan to divide them and a batch of chocolate crinkle cookies and a batch of trail mix up and mail them out to my mother, my oldest sister, a couple of my brothers and ... yes ... my baby sister (henceforth to be referred to as MBS).
I expected my beloved husband to ask WHY I was making up the cookies that we all consider to be MBS's, so I started preparing my reasons - mentally, that is.
- Yes, I'm angry with her still, I think she's acting like a butt-head but I don't see why her kids should suffer from her butt-headedness. Baking cookies in the cool weather and mailing them off is MY normal behaviour, I see no reason to change the way I act because she's a butt-head.
- Yes, I'm sure that she's still furious with me for presuming to have my own opinions about something (that she didn't even witness! She's operating on hearsay that is extremely biased.) and I'm sure she's bad-mouthing me in the family and doesn't want anything to do with me, but that's on her, not on me.
- I want to be an example of ANOTHER way to behave, of acting like a normal, polite, courteous ADULT.
I got to that last point and was stopped short. MBS is one of the normal ones - social, out-going. My immediate elder sster is one of the normal ones - EXTREMELY social, out-going, well-liked ... outside of the family, that is. And my baby brother is definitely a norm.
And all of them are angry and sniping to family members. They feud, back-stab, don't talk to those who dare to disagree with them and ... and they think that if they don't tell people why they're angry - this is somehow being respectful. Personally, I think that if people treated them the way they treat others, then they would have ample cause to be angry - but we don't. Mostly, when we talk about them, it's to ask one another in bewilderment "Why is ...X. Y, & Z ... so angry with me/us?" And we come up with theories which makes ... X, Y, & Z ... even more furious because "we don't know anything about them" which is true because - they won't tell us anything about them.
There's another thing. I make up cookies and I send out ... occasional presents (I tend to forget birthdays and anniversaries until it's too late) because according to Louisa May Alcott that's what family members do to & for one another. Last night, it occurred to me - and not for the first time - that I'm the only one who does. And I'm not normal.
I've always felt sort of wistful about being socially awkward. I've watched my older and younger sisters sashay through situations - with friends/ at parties/ boyfriends/ &c and wondered why I couldn't do that too. But now I feel .. you know ... If they're normal, then Thank You, God, that I'm not.