(no subject)
It's 5:30 AM and I'm awake because I took a little bit of a nap (read: I slept from 2 PM to 7 PM) and now my schedule is all off. I ought to sleep a little anyway so I'm not ready to pass out by the end of class tomorrow. I still have a research essay to get done, among other things. That's what a responsible adult would do.
Well, moving on.
I still feel like everything is crumbling around me. For a few days (literally, that's how long it lasted) I forced myself to find a positive side to becoming a teacher, and I felt pretty motivated. But like I said, it didn't last long. I just can't. I wish somebody would tell me what to do because I'm am so very stuck. I need help.
One thing that is going well: my job. I work at a grocery store called Winn-Dixie. It's my first job ever and I got it in June (they called me for an interview on my way back from my Fall Out Boy concert). When I first started, I was clueless. They barely trained me at all -- I guess because they were understaffed at the time. They had me running a register alone by my second day being on the clock.
But as time went on, I naturally got better at it. And you wanna know what I've learned about myself through this? I genuinely enjoy helping people. Making people smile. When I went for my interview, that's what I told the manager -- that I wanted to help people. But I was bullshitting because I had never really been in the position to do so. I was just saying what he wanted to hear and what I wanted to believe. But it's true, so true. I have never let a bad day affect an interaction with a customer. I greet every one of them with a smile and a cheerful hello and do you know how many truly "bad" customer's I've encountered? One, maybe two.
If I screwed up, I gave them the sincerest apology. I remember my screw ups more than anything else. I remember one time, maybe a couple of months ago, a woman, her baby, and her mother were at my register. We were having a nice conversation and everything was going well. Finally, she went to give me her phone number and I had to ask her to repeat multiple times because the commotion behind had become incrementally louder. At the same time, her child had begun to cry and fuss a little, but it was the sound behind me that was getting to me. Once I finally got the number in, I said apologetically, "I'm so sorry, it's just gotten a little loud and I couldn't hear you very well." Instantly, her demeanor changed and she walked out with her child, leaving her mother to pay and get the groceries. I became upset and confused and it wasn't until a few customers later that I realized what I'd done -- it seemed as though I'd implied her child was becoming obnoxiously loud, blaming it for my incompetency. I felt awful and I'd have given anything to have found her and fixed it.
But on the other hand, I once had an old lady and her husband come up to my register, and I heard her say to her husband, "Oh I remember her. I always remember the nice ones." As I helping train a new cashier (training! after only being there three months!), I greeted a customer with my usual smile and hello and she grinned at me and said, "You're always so peppy when I see you!" This one seems such an insignificant thing, but when I got my hair cut, one customer looked at me for a second and then said, "You got your hair cut!" They'd paid enough attention to notice and cared enough to point it out.
And now, I've been promoted to customer service. After four months on my first job. I'm so nervous about working at the service desk and all it entails, but when I brought this up to my coworkers:
"You'll probably be the best at it out of anyone -- you're so nice."
"You're a great cashier, and you're really nice. You can do it!"
It's just so strange to think that all these qualities that I'd pretended to have, I actually have. I never interacted with people enough to really know. I'd never had a reason to. But I said I was "nice" and "helpful" and it feels like by sheer force of will I managed to actually make them traits that I really exhibit. I think I'm a better person because I pretended to be one for a really long time, haha.
I think I'm going to take a little nap now (an actual little nap this time-- it's 6 AM and I need to be up at 7:30).
Well, moving on.
I still feel like everything is crumbling around me. For a few days (literally, that's how long it lasted) I forced myself to find a positive side to becoming a teacher, and I felt pretty motivated. But like I said, it didn't last long. I just can't. I wish somebody would tell me what to do because I'm am so very stuck. I need help.
One thing that is going well: my job. I work at a grocery store called Winn-Dixie. It's my first job ever and I got it in June (they called me for an interview on my way back from my Fall Out Boy concert). When I first started, I was clueless. They barely trained me at all -- I guess because they were understaffed at the time. They had me running a register alone by my second day being on the clock.
But as time went on, I naturally got better at it. And you wanna know what I've learned about myself through this? I genuinely enjoy helping people. Making people smile. When I went for my interview, that's what I told the manager -- that I wanted to help people. But I was bullshitting because I had never really been in the position to do so. I was just saying what he wanted to hear and what I wanted to believe. But it's true, so true. I have never let a bad day affect an interaction with a customer. I greet every one of them with a smile and a cheerful hello and do you know how many truly "bad" customer's I've encountered? One, maybe two.
If I screwed up, I gave them the sincerest apology. I remember my screw ups more than anything else. I remember one time, maybe a couple of months ago, a woman, her baby, and her mother were at my register. We were having a nice conversation and everything was going well. Finally, she went to give me her phone number and I had to ask her to repeat multiple times because the commotion behind had become incrementally louder. At the same time, her child had begun to cry and fuss a little, but it was the sound behind me that was getting to me. Once I finally got the number in, I said apologetically, "I'm so sorry, it's just gotten a little loud and I couldn't hear you very well." Instantly, her demeanor changed and she walked out with her child, leaving her mother to pay and get the groceries. I became upset and confused and it wasn't until a few customers later that I realized what I'd done -- it seemed as though I'd implied her child was becoming obnoxiously loud, blaming it for my incompetency. I felt awful and I'd have given anything to have found her and fixed it.
But on the other hand, I once had an old lady and her husband come up to my register, and I heard her say to her husband, "Oh I remember her. I always remember the nice ones." As I helping train a new cashier (training! after only being there three months!), I greeted a customer with my usual smile and hello and she grinned at me and said, "You're always so peppy when I see you!" This one seems such an insignificant thing, but when I got my hair cut, one customer looked at me for a second and then said, "You got your hair cut!" They'd paid enough attention to notice and cared enough to point it out.
And now, I've been promoted to customer service. After four months on my first job. I'm so nervous about working at the service desk and all it entails, but when I brought this up to my coworkers:
"You'll probably be the best at it out of anyone -- you're so nice."
"You're a great cashier, and you're really nice. You can do it!"
It's just so strange to think that all these qualities that I'd pretended to have, I actually have. I never interacted with people enough to really know. I'd never had a reason to. But I said I was "nice" and "helpful" and it feels like by sheer force of will I managed to actually make them traits that I really exhibit. I think I'm a better person because I pretended to be one for a really long time, haha.
I think I'm going to take a little nap now (an actual little nap this time-- it's 6 AM and I need to be up at 7:30).