(no subject)
I am sitting in my livingroom, scratching my sunburnt legs, listening to Dee's mix CD, and realizing (as I periodically do when I eschew plans and decide to have a 'night to myself') why I keep myself so goddamn busy all the time.
It's because when I am alone like this at night, I feel a strange sense of abandonment, even though it wasn't others who abandoned me but I who abandoned them. It's because I feel a mixture of sadness and loneliness but also a wish to be alone. It's because I feel an odd sense of nihlism and emptiness. I think I have fallen off my life's track, or something. I've been led astray by some shiny bauble or whatnot. A shiny lantern. Some creature of fantasy is about to turn my bones into flour.
I guess I'll just continue to read.
It's because when I am alone like this at night, I feel a strange sense of abandonment, even though it wasn't others who abandoned me but I who abandoned them. It's because I feel a mixture of sadness and loneliness but also a wish to be alone. It's because I feel an odd sense of nihlism and emptiness. I think I have fallen off my life's track, or something. I've been led astray by some shiny bauble or whatnot. A shiny lantern. Some creature of fantasy is about to turn my bones into flour.
I guess I'll just continue to read.