Apathy is a b*tch...
...I won't let myself get there though, I'm better than that. I get pretty darn close sometimes though, and that worries me.
The other week, Hitomi told me, "U can talk about love and relationships forever...-_-;", which cracked me up because it's SO true! It's kinda sad lol, but it's so true. It's what interests me most, and makes my world spin 'round & 'round. What's life w/out love and relationships? Nothing.
Yesterday, I got to spend some awesome time w/ Chay, Kujo, and Hitomi for Kujo's post-bday thing. Got margaritas n' dinner at Don Jose's, then proceeded to get shaved ice at Guppy's out in Cerritos. I was sooo full by the end of dessert, I felt like rolling out of my chair, out the door, and into the crowded parking lot of people waiting to be seated. I haven't laughed that hard since I dunno when. Those kids, cracking jokes about BFTD(Best Friends Till Death...cuz I refuse to be friends w/ "spirits"...and now they resent me and took away my BFF status ;_;)...most of the night was basically them plotting to either kill themselves somehow to come haunt me, or just kill me =/. I cried because I laughed so hard, I couldn't breathe...then Kujo wanted to make me laugh just a bit more so that I could suffocate and die.
I love my friends...
I miss Nako :( she's the only best friend physically missing in my life right now. Come visit meeee ;_;!!! one-way ticket plzkthx <3
Sometimes(not often), when I hang out w/ friends, I find myself sitting back and observing them...what about them attracts me to them, what keeps this friendship going, why, etc...And when I'm reminded of the reasons, it's such a settling, comforting feeling..especially if I have a strong sense of love and care for them. But then sometimes(much more rarely), I find myself in a situation where I have no idea why I'm still friends w/ these people...because all I feel is pain...and when the pain outweighs the good, it's time to let go.
It's rare that that happens. It's rare because I make it rare. I don't put up w/ crap. I have waaaay too many friends who truly love and care for me that treat me w/ so much respect and kindness, I don't have room or time to deal w/ crappy people. I drop 'em. I drop the sh*tty ones so fast, it's almost heartless. Why? Because I love myself enough to not deal w/ them. Because I won't let anyone take away my enthusiasm for life. Simple as that.
...So what's the exception this time? I'm convincing myself that w/ God's love, I can love anyone lol...But when is enough, enough? Why am I putting up w/ sh*t these days? I've found myself wanting to give up so many times, but for some reason, I can't. I feel like I'm not allowed to. It's strange, but it's true..."You can't give up this time." I wake up resenting, wondering, "Why the hell am I putting myself through this?!" But I realize it's not a question I can answer...I'm learning patience through love, now more than ever. But really, if I don't find out soon, I'm going to start becoming very bitter...and that's not where I want things to go. There's only so much I can give of myself before I'm left w/ nothing. When the cold and bad outweigh the good, something's wrong. Something's behind it, and I want to know.
Much love,
~Kimbo~
edit: I just saw this from my friend, Jason's, FB..."Love Never Gives Up."
...hmm...that's why.
The other week, Hitomi told me, "U can talk about love and relationships forever...-_-;", which cracked me up because it's SO true! It's kinda sad lol, but it's so true. It's what interests me most, and makes my world spin 'round & 'round. What's life w/out love and relationships? Nothing.
Yesterday, I got to spend some awesome time w/ Chay, Kujo, and Hitomi for Kujo's post-bday thing. Got margaritas n' dinner at Don Jose's, then proceeded to get shaved ice at Guppy's out in Cerritos. I was sooo full by the end of dessert, I felt like rolling out of my chair, out the door, and into the crowded parking lot of people waiting to be seated. I haven't laughed that hard since I dunno when. Those kids, cracking jokes about BFTD(Best Friends Till Death...cuz I refuse to be friends w/ "spirits"...and now they resent me and took away my BFF status ;_;)...most of the night was basically them plotting to either kill themselves somehow to come haunt me, or just kill me =/. I cried because I laughed so hard, I couldn't breathe...then Kujo wanted to make me laugh just a bit more so that I could suffocate and die.
I love my friends...
I miss Nako :( she's the only best friend physically missing in my life right now. Come visit meeee ;_;!!! one-way ticket plzkthx <3
Sometimes(not often), when I hang out w/ friends, I find myself sitting back and observing them...what about them attracts me to them, what keeps this friendship going, why, etc...And when I'm reminded of the reasons, it's such a settling, comforting feeling..especially if I have a strong sense of love and care for them. But then sometimes(much more rarely), I find myself in a situation where I have no idea why I'm still friends w/ these people...because all I feel is pain...and when the pain outweighs the good, it's time to let go.
It's rare that that happens. It's rare because I make it rare. I don't put up w/ crap. I have waaaay too many friends who truly love and care for me that treat me w/ so much respect and kindness, I don't have room or time to deal w/ crappy people. I drop 'em. I drop the sh*tty ones so fast, it's almost heartless. Why? Because I love myself enough to not deal w/ them. Because I won't let anyone take away my enthusiasm for life. Simple as that.
...So what's the exception this time? I'm convincing myself that w/ God's love, I can love anyone lol...But when is enough, enough? Why am I putting up w/ sh*t these days? I've found myself wanting to give up so many times, but for some reason, I can't. I feel like I'm not allowed to. It's strange, but it's true..."You can't give up this time." I wake up resenting, wondering, "Why the hell am I putting myself through this?!" But I realize it's not a question I can answer...I'm learning patience through love, now more than ever. But really, if I don't find out soon, I'm going to start becoming very bitter...and that's not where I want things to go. There's only so much I can give of myself before I'm left w/ nothing. When the cold and bad outweigh the good, something's wrong. Something's behind it, and I want to know.
Much love,
~Kimbo~
edit: I just saw this from my friend, Jason's, FB..."Love Never Gives Up."
...hmm...that's why.