New Beginnings
The season of Lent is finally upon us. It is the time to renew our souls, and to burn away the impurities we've harbored over the past year into ashes. During this past Ash Wednesday service, the focal point was this: With every end comes new beginnings.Whether it be new beginnings, or a renewal of strength, friendship, love, or whatever...it doesn’t matter. It is all good and necessary.
I’m ready for a change. It is the year of changes after all. During service, we were given the opportunity to write down whatever flaws we wished to burn away on a piece of baby blue paper, which was later burnt to ashes, and used as charcoal-muddy paste for our foreheads. Selfishness, fear, anger, dishonesty, and slothfulness were a few of the traits that I wished to discard. I forgot to mention lust…I just realized that! >_< I think if we had the capacity to control our lustful ways and wants, life wouldn’t be so complicated…but then we’d pretty much be modern-day monks…and I do love my guitars, computers, and Charlie II (my car :P).
I’m prone to tripping. Just last week, I tripped over the same chair 4 times in less than 3 minutes. How is that even possible?! I also wished that happened in the privacy of my own home...haha nope :D. The best trip-ups are saved for the public eye. I wish I could be more private about my situations sometimes, but really, it’s simply just a learning experience that digs a little deeper for better absorption. At least I’d like to think of it as such, otherwise, I’m just an idiot (which is more likely the case). We’re consistently dealt with trials and errors. Whatever doesn’t break us makes us stronger, wiser, and more durable. I’ve been on a constant rollercoaster of break-downs and build-ups since the beginning of the year, trying to find a balance between happiness and misery. Never realized how big of a gap that was until I started ping-ponging back and forth up against their walls.
This has been on my mind lately, but I’d like to think that intuition is my stronger point, but sometimes, it fails me...or not. Actions speak louder than words. Generally speaking, people don’t realize their own body language, what they say, what they do, how they say things, their reactions to certain situations, and in that, easily forget or ignore that they’ve done it, said it, or acted it out (myself included of course). We may be surrounded by mirrors, but unless we’re looking at our own reflections, we’re still blinded to our own self-image and how people perceive us. I heard recently, that our reality can go 2 ways (or both simultaneously): 1) It is whatever the truth and fact actually are, or 2) it is what we want to believe is true. Reality is subjective, and everyone’s reality is their own perception on the situation. I guess that’s what makes handling our problems difficult. Everyone’s got their own view. In the end, however, we can only believe what’s said, because our reality on things may not coincide w/ theirs, and theirs is what makes or breaks the situation. And yes, ultimately, according to this definition, my intuition has failed me. It hurts and frustrates me, more because I went with my instincts and was wrong. I’ve never been wrong about this...I can’t wrap my mind around this. It’s frustrating...and I’m disappointed in myself. I hope it’ll be clear to me one day, because this resolve doesn’t really feel like one...
I am exhausted by this sobering experience. I talk too much. I think I’ll end this here.
Much Love,
~Kimbo~
I’m ready for a change. It is the year of changes after all. During service, we were given the opportunity to write down whatever flaws we wished to burn away on a piece of baby blue paper, which was later burnt to ashes, and used as charcoal-muddy paste for our foreheads. Selfishness, fear, anger, dishonesty, and slothfulness were a few of the traits that I wished to discard. I forgot to mention lust…I just realized that! >_< I think if we had the capacity to control our lustful ways and wants, life wouldn’t be so complicated…but then we’d pretty much be modern-day monks…and I do love my guitars, computers, and Charlie II (my car :P).
I’m prone to tripping. Just last week, I tripped over the same chair 4 times in less than 3 minutes. How is that even possible?! I also wished that happened in the privacy of my own home...haha nope :D. The best trip-ups are saved for the public eye. I wish I could be more private about my situations sometimes, but really, it’s simply just a learning experience that digs a little deeper for better absorption. At least I’d like to think of it as such, otherwise, I’m just an idiot (which is more likely the case). We’re consistently dealt with trials and errors. Whatever doesn’t break us makes us stronger, wiser, and more durable. I’ve been on a constant rollercoaster of break-downs and build-ups since the beginning of the year, trying to find a balance between happiness and misery. Never realized how big of a gap that was until I started ping-ponging back and forth up against their walls.
This has been on my mind lately, but I’d like to think that intuition is my stronger point, but sometimes, it fails me...or not. Actions speak louder than words. Generally speaking, people don’t realize their own body language, what they say, what they do, how they say things, their reactions to certain situations, and in that, easily forget or ignore that they’ve done it, said it, or acted it out (myself included of course). We may be surrounded by mirrors, but unless we’re looking at our own reflections, we’re still blinded to our own self-image and how people perceive us. I heard recently, that our reality can go 2 ways (or both simultaneously): 1) It is whatever the truth and fact actually are, or 2) it is what we want to believe is true. Reality is subjective, and everyone’s reality is their own perception on the situation. I guess that’s what makes handling our problems difficult. Everyone’s got their own view. In the end, however, we can only believe what’s said, because our reality on things may not coincide w/ theirs, and theirs is what makes or breaks the situation. And yes, ultimately, according to this definition, my intuition has failed me. It hurts and frustrates me, more because I went with my instincts and was wrong. I’ve never been wrong about this...I can’t wrap my mind around this. It’s frustrating...and I’m disappointed in myself. I hope it’ll be clear to me one day, because this resolve doesn’t really feel like one...
I am exhausted by this sobering experience. I talk too much. I think I’ll end this here.
Much Love,
~Kimbo~