Urban leeches
The following is probably not politically correct.
All charity muggers are bastards. A charity mugger is a young, conventionally attractive, offensively vivacious Big Brother contestant in excessive hair product, who accosts members of the public in order to tout for charity donations.
The majority of charity muggers are aspiring or out-of-work actors. Possibly. Charity mugging's inception did suspiciously coincide with the cancellation of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
I've nothing against charity fundraising, of course not. I'm not a sociopath. I do, and will give money to charity. And campaigning and charity events and donation boxes and whatnot are all entirely reasonable and positive methods of raising charitable funds.
Charity mugging differs from acceptable methods of fundraising in two fundamental ways. First, it involves the tenacious invasion of public privacy by twats. Second, it attempts to employ the art of seduction.
The successful charity mugger will be incapable of taking a hint. They won't be deterred by a head-shake, or a shuffle-off, or a no, thanks, sorry. When met with an unwillingess to engage, they will accompany their victim down the street. In city centres, the charity mugger is everywhere. On a weekday in the Corporation of London, as an innocent pedestrian eventually manages to shake off one of these amphetamined nit eggs, another miraculously appears in its place.
To be charity mugged is to be flirted at, publically and unbidden, by an overjoyed Hollyoaks character. In the world of fundraising, flirtation is charity mugging's USP. The women target men and the men target women like we're all effing mad for it and gayness never happened. Charity mugging hinges on the assertion that I am impressionable enough to be sexy-eyed into a direct debit. I am not. I don't want to be forced into benevolent speed dating. I just want you to sod off.
Next time: All litterers are fuckheads.
All charity muggers are bastards. A charity mugger is a young, conventionally attractive, offensively vivacious Big Brother contestant in excessive hair product, who accosts members of the public in order to tout for charity donations.
The majority of charity muggers are aspiring or out-of-work actors. Possibly. Charity mugging's inception did suspiciously coincide with the cancellation of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
I've nothing against charity fundraising, of course not. I'm not a sociopath. I do, and will give money to charity. And campaigning and charity events and donation boxes and whatnot are all entirely reasonable and positive methods of raising charitable funds.
Charity mugging differs from acceptable methods of fundraising in two fundamental ways. First, it involves the tenacious invasion of public privacy by twats. Second, it attempts to employ the art of seduction.
The successful charity mugger will be incapable of taking a hint. They won't be deterred by a head-shake, or a shuffle-off, or a no, thanks, sorry. When met with an unwillingess to engage, they will accompany their victim down the street. In city centres, the charity mugger is everywhere. On a weekday in the Corporation of London, as an innocent pedestrian eventually manages to shake off one of these amphetamined nit eggs, another miraculously appears in its place.
To be charity mugged is to be flirted at, publically and unbidden, by an overjoyed Hollyoaks character. In the world of fundraising, flirtation is charity mugging's USP. The women target men and the men target women like we're all effing mad for it and gayness never happened. Charity mugging hinges on the assertion that I am impressionable enough to be sexy-eyed into a direct debit. I am not. I don't want to be forced into benevolent speed dating. I just want you to sod off.
Next time: All litterers are fuckheads.