Extra-curricular error
I used to be in the Brownies. In those days, Brownies were expected to behave selflessly, make a positive contribution to society, and earn merit badges for whittling sticks. The Brownie uniform involved a dirt brown polyester dress and neckerchief in sick yellow. When dressed in regulatory fashion and standing many metres off, Brownie bears close resemblance to a jar of Marmite. This visual echo is intentional, as Baden-Powell was mad for yeast extract.
There’s a photograph of me in my Brownie uniform. I’m standing in the back garden in Denewood Avenue, next to the kitchen outflow pipe. It was soon after a bout of gastroenteritis, during which I’d spent a week watching The Dark Crystal on repeat while drinking rehydration salts. I look gaunt. I’m not wearing shoes. I look like an inmate from Junior Tenko.
Brownie meetings took place every single week, no matter now much I called on a silent God to incinerate the moulded hut we called HQ. Meetings opened with a speech from Brown Owl who, like her namesake, had an impressively plump breast. After Brown Owl's welcome, us girls would recite the Brownie Guide Promise - a pledge of commitment to God, the Queen and Brownie Law. I remember feeling a vague, imposed commitment to God, but I didn't give a sod about the Queen. I’ve no idea what Brownie Law involved. It sounds like the Daily Mail describing Sharia.
Brownie Camp was a real eye opener. I learned how to tie a reef knot, and it was the first time I’d encountered lemon curd outside a jam tart setting.
There’s a photograph of me in my Brownie uniform. I’m standing in the back garden in Denewood Avenue, next to the kitchen outflow pipe. It was soon after a bout of gastroenteritis, during which I’d spent a week watching The Dark Crystal on repeat while drinking rehydration salts. I look gaunt. I’m not wearing shoes. I look like an inmate from Junior Tenko.
Brownie meetings took place every single week, no matter now much I called on a silent God to incinerate the moulded hut we called HQ. Meetings opened with a speech from Brown Owl who, like her namesake, had an impressively plump breast. After Brown Owl's welcome, us girls would recite the Brownie Guide Promise - a pledge of commitment to God, the Queen and Brownie Law. I remember feeling a vague, imposed commitment to God, but I didn't give a sod about the Queen. I’ve no idea what Brownie Law involved. It sounds like the Daily Mail describing Sharia.
Brownie Camp was a real eye opener. I learned how to tie a reef knot, and it was the first time I’d encountered lemon curd outside a jam tart setting.