Things that have been happening
First of all, they have not caught Roger yet. I thought it would be easy because he's a crazy druggie, but apparently in the time since we've been married he's become some sort of Houdini. I try to never say his name around Leo.
Leo is home from the hospital, though home is a relative term at the moment. I'm not really sure where home is anymore, except right now it's not Boston. For the time being it's the house that John said Leo and I could stay in as long as we needed to, the house he and his girlfriend were planning to live in. It feels a little strange being here but I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong in accepting the generosity of others, especially when it is needed. The media, of course, had a field day with his release, but I hope they forget us soon because Leo needs things to be as normal as possible.
Leo and I discussed together whether or not we wanted to go home to Boston. For such a young child he is so smart that sometimes it amazes me. He's always seemed wise for his years, and although he's maintained some of his childishness throughout all this, there's something more mature in his eyes. I will have to keep an eye on him for a while once we're settled and this is really behind us. I'll have to make sure that he's still a little boy.
Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go back to Boston, and told him that it was his choice. I would do whatever he wanted to, but if he didn't want to go back we could stay here for a while. He looked troubled until I said that, and he asked me, "If we stay here can I play with Alex?" I knew what his answer would be then. So we're staying here for now, and I really don't know for how long. I'm going to try not to worry about that. I have savings, and I have the money Dad left me with he died. I have enough to live on and take care of Leo while we figure things out. Someday I'll probably go back to work, but not for now.
I made arrangements with my mother, who is going crazy to see Leo, to fly out here in a couple of days and bring his kitten Elmo. Of course I did that before I asked John it it would be okay to have a kitten in his house, but he said he doesn't mind.
With all that settled, I had to do something extremely difficult. I had to call Trey and tell him we weren't coming home. I didn't break up with him exactly, and I even told him he could come visit us soon, but I think he knows it's over. I know it is, but I can't do anything about it. I can't be there right now, and I can't expect him to give up his job to be with me. I hate this, I really do. I hate hurting him. I hate betraying him. But my son is more important than anything in the world.
And then there's this. Luka kissed me. He was in my room and we were talking about his family in Croatia and the confusing feelings he still has for them and the ones he has for Sam now, and he kissed me. I know he didn't mean it and I don't think he's attracted to me, but still. I didn't kiss him back and he feels really bad about it. Sam must know because she left, but I hope he told her what happened. I hope she doesn't think I was trying to steal him or anything. I don't need to worry about this right now so I'm not going to hold onto it. It will be harder for Luka, but I hope and pray that he and Sam work things out.
In the meantime, I am going to try and work my life out too.
Leo is home from the hospital, though home is a relative term at the moment. I'm not really sure where home is anymore, except right now it's not Boston. For the time being it's the house that John said Leo and I could stay in as long as we needed to, the house he and his girlfriend were planning to live in. It feels a little strange being here but I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong in accepting the generosity of others, especially when it is needed. The media, of course, had a field day with his release, but I hope they forget us soon because Leo needs things to be as normal as possible.
Leo and I discussed together whether or not we wanted to go home to Boston. For such a young child he is so smart that sometimes it amazes me. He's always seemed wise for his years, and although he's maintained some of his childishness throughout all this, there's something more mature in his eyes. I will have to keep an eye on him for a while once we're settled and this is really behind us. I'll have to make sure that he's still a little boy.
Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go back to Boston, and told him that it was his choice. I would do whatever he wanted to, but if he didn't want to go back we could stay here for a while. He looked troubled until I said that, and he asked me, "If we stay here can I play with Alex?" I knew what his answer would be then. So we're staying here for now, and I really don't know for how long. I'm going to try not to worry about that. I have savings, and I have the money Dad left me with he died. I have enough to live on and take care of Leo while we figure things out. Someday I'll probably go back to work, but not for now.
I made arrangements with my mother, who is going crazy to see Leo, to fly out here in a couple of days and bring his kitten Elmo. Of course I did that before I asked John it it would be okay to have a kitten in his house, but he said he doesn't mind.
With all that settled, I had to do something extremely difficult. I had to call Trey and tell him we weren't coming home. I didn't break up with him exactly, and I even told him he could come visit us soon, but I think he knows it's over. I know it is, but I can't do anything about it. I can't be there right now, and I can't expect him to give up his job to be with me. I hate this, I really do. I hate hurting him. I hate betraying him. But my son is more important than anything in the world.
And then there's this. Luka kissed me. He was in my room and we were talking about his family in Croatia and the confusing feelings he still has for them and the ones he has for Sam now, and he kissed me. I know he didn't mean it and I don't think he's attracted to me, but still. I didn't kiss him back and he feels really bad about it. Sam must know because she left, but I hope he told her what happened. I hope she doesn't think I was trying to steal him or anything. I don't need to worry about this right now so I'm not going to hold onto it. It will be harder for Luka, but I hope and pray that he and Sam work things out.
In the meantime, I am going to try and work my life out too.