if you only knew...

Oct 14, 2008 02:25

i would really love it, if someone who really loved me would just hold me tight on this extremely lonely night because i feel like a piece of shit.

i have tried so hard to say how i feel without revealing too much. i know no one could possibly understand where im coming from. if anyone else knew the whole truth youd just look down on me. so i try to say my feelings but i just cant say everything. so that causes a miss understanding, people take it personally but what am i suppose to do? im hiding, im hiding, im hiding! why cant you understand? why cant anyone understand. im trying, im trying, ive been trying my whole life and where has it gotten me? here? i dont know where. i feel like my head is exploding. i feel like my entire being is getting sucked down a tunnel. i feel myself slowly shrinking. im giving up on everything but the things that have obvious ways of being achieved(school and work). everything else is a fucking mystery and ive tried. for now im giving up. i cant take it, im fucking cracking under this pressure. im cracking under these standards i hold so high. i feel guilty because i know what consumes my entire day contradicts everything i believe in. but like ive said. what am i suppose to do? you wouldnt understand. you wouldnt understand. you wouldnt understand. i will say it a-fucking-gain you wont and will not fucking understand! so let me hide in my own fucking house if i want to.
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