Take it or leave it
This is me.
I am very gullible when someone tells me something. I tend to believe everyone and believe that no one will lie to me.
I like to believe that true happiness can come from the people around you...as long as you surround yourself with the right people.
I have low self-esteem. I always have and always will...but to the best of my ability I try to over come it.
I am very emotional. I take offense to a lot of things...especially when they don't make sense to me.
I don't like to be disliked. I want to be everyone's friend or acquaintance.
I try really hard to keep friendships alive. I hate losing friends.
I like to believe that if I treat someone with respect or treat them how I would like to be treated that the same will happen in return.
I like to live in the moment because it makes me feel like I'm adventurous.
I cry by myself when I am hurt...only those who I want by my side will see me shed my tears.
I am always there for my friends...any day, any hour, any time they need someone...I'll always be there for them. And I'm stupid because I think that it will happen in return...in most cases yes it happens...but lately not so much.
I like to work things out with people...I hate having turmoil between myself and someone else.
I'm very easy to take advantage of...and I don't know how to fix it.
I like to try to think of all the positives in any situation...no matter how hard it is.
I like to give my best to anything I do.
I like to keep my priorities straight...and in doing that I end up hurting someone...mostly myself because I lose some good friends that way.
I have been spending a lot of time thinking over the past couple days...weeks even...and this is what I have come up with...There are certain things that people have to accept when they become friends with me and this is the list I have made. I didn't think it was that important that everyone should know this about me...but it has come to my attention that people seem to not know this about me and then they turn on me when they notice it. So here it is...plain and simple...take it or leave it. I've been having so much fun with Sara these past couple weeks and I know it's because she understands what's going on with me and tries to help and cares...she'll call me just to see how I am doing because she knows how hard this summer has been for me. It has been hell from the start because of certain situations. I've tried to make the best of them but it's so hard to handle. Vanessa has been so great these past couple days as well...we had so much fun! Even though we drove around aimlessly. She has so much to say and I love to hear what she has to say because even though she is blunt and honest...I appreciate that. She has a lot of wisdom to share and I can take what she says and really apply it to many situations. I know it has been a real turn around from the people I'm used to hanging out with...but I actually get phone calls from them...and texts...and they seem interested in what's going on in my life. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy hanging out with Kevin and Morgan anymore...I feel like our friendships have changed...and if it was me that changed I'm sorry I screwed things up.But then again why do I always have to apologize for being me? I'm so sick and tired of being the only one that apologizes...and half of the time I just apologize because I feel that it's the only way to make things right again. And I am tired of being the only one who knows how to use a telephone...I AM NOT GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO TRIES FOR A FRIENDSHIP!!! I'm done...if it's not meant to be I just want to know so I can move on because it's one less stress in my life. I'm so happy to be moving...away from all of this...because it seems that when you move you realize who really cares. I only have a few more days left in Brunswick and the only people making an effort to hang out with me before I'm back in Cleveland are Vanessa and Sara. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings in this but dammit I'm tired of being depressed over this. And I would just talk to people face to face but that sure as hell doesn't work...I've found that out. I like talking things out...but it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't. I can't just let things work themselves out by ignoring someone or pretending like it never happened. I'm sorry but I don't forget things...and it's hard to pretend to be someone that I'm not. And I know there are some things in here that Vanessa wrote in her blog but I needed to say it, too. So here it is...
This is me....take it or leave it. I'm not fighting it anymore.
The Scientist-Coldplay
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me you questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming in tales
Heads are a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start